You want a little sneak peek insight into a few habits that I’ve implemented as a mom (and sleep consultant) that are SO important to me? Because these pieces of gold have changed my life and my kids lives and are TOO valuable not to share with you!

These habits have all been intentional (except the last one which was a silly quirk that turned into an accidental habit) and as a sleep consultant who deals with behaviors, habits, and routines on a daily basis, I fully believe in the power of using such things to our advantage as we parent and decide what is important in our lives.

‌

Like most things that I share, this what worked well for our family but I fully acknowledge there are many good ways to parent. Here’s your disclaimer not to compare or feel like your intentional parenting choices are better than or less than anyone else's.

‌

So here are the habits I'm grateful that I've implemented over the last 10 years of parenting...

 

1. Teaching independent sleep (aka sleep training)

This one probably goes without saying but, independent sleep has truly been an integral part of my parenting journey. My sons know how to regulate their own sleep and they feel safe and comfortable doing so. This is something we had to work at by sleep training around  4 months of age with both of my boys and then it became a boundary we had to continue holding over the years (particularly years 3-5 when they were testing lots of boundaries). Just because I'm a sleep consultant and my boys have been sleeping independently since their baby days, that doesn't mean we never have sleep issues pop up. However, our consistency is what keeps us on track every time. Read a little more about why I recommend laying down fully awake for each sleep here.

2. Frequent trips to the library

We often head to the library on a weekly basis to get new books to keep us occupied the next week. It’s not uncommon for us to have 30-40 books checked out at one time. This habit has truly shaped them into avid readers. When my boys were smaller, we would go and play in the place at the library and sit and read together or participate in the free baby and toddler reading times they offered. As they got older we started participating in the summer reading program each year. And now when we go to the library they head off and know exactly where to find the various books they're looking for!

 

3. Set morning wake up times

This time may change depending on if it’s the weekday, weekend, summer, or school year but we are very clear about when the boys can leave their rooms and expect to start their days. We have been intentional about this since they were babies and they didn’t always like this rule but now it’s so ingrained they don’t even think twice about it. We're big fans of the Kidstible lamps to help little ones know when it's time to wake up.

 

4. Daily quiet time

Since my boys stopped napping around 3-5 years, we’ve implemented a daily quiet time when home. This is their time to play, create, read, and rest in their rooms while my husband and I are able to work or rest. This time has been invaluable to my sanity and I recommend it to every family when they are out of the napping stage. Read more about developing a quiet time here.

 

 

5. No tablet use for the boys

We have tried off and on to incorporate tablet time but it always caused an issue and it always became an unquenchable need for more. So on the whole, we don’t do tablet time. We are TV watchers and will watch several hours of TV throughout the week but we are all much happier with that less addictive screen option. My boys never have the expectation to be on the tablet when they are bored, when we are at restaurants, or really anytime we are doing things they aren't big fans of. If this is something you want to learn more about, I highly recommend checking out Dr. Alison Yeung's content on Instagram.

 

6. Bible reading and prayers before bed

Bible reading and prayers before bed. This is a simple routine that we started with them as toddlers. As part of our bedtime routine we read a Bible story and then go around and all say a prayer. My hope is that this will help them to learn how to make Jesus a part of their everyday life- even when they are older.

 

7. Getting a treat for myself without the expectation that they will automatically get one too

This last one will probably seem the weirdest, but I am an ice cream lover so it ended up being a great motto for us. Just because I’m getting a treat, that doesn’t mean the boys get a treat. It also goes the other way. Just because they are getting a treat, it doesn’t mean I get a treat. Because of this understanding we’ve built over the years since they were babies, I am able to go to the drive thru and grab ice cream for myself and they don’t bat an eye!

 

I’d love to hear about a habit you’ve intentionally tried to teach your little ones?

 

 

Ready to tackle your current sleep issues? I'm here to offer a solution. 

Look no further than my affordable Classic Consultation:

With the Classic Consultation you can get accessible sleep help to confidently sleep train without all the second guessing! Imagine doing your bedtime routine, kissing your baby goodnight, walking out of the room + knowing that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

 

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Classic Consultation today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-plan

Not everyone needs to sleep train. It's not for every family and that's 100% okay! But if you (or someone you know) desperately needs a sleep change but is stalling on sleep training, keep reading. Add some tough love into your world that will help you address your baby's sleep issues without the BS that can cloud our thinking.

 

 

You can sleep train your child AND maintain a secure attachment

I know this myth is prevalent out there but it is simply not backed by the research. In fact, research has shown that sleep training has no effect on attachment (and 1 study even showed a positive effect on attachment)!

 

You can be responsive to your child during the whole sleep training process

No, you don't have to shut the door and stay out until morning. You're still responding to your child, you're just responding differently in order to give them the opportunity to learn a new skill. When I work with families, some even prefer to stay in the room during the whole process and that is okay! It still works as long as we aren't always swooping in and doing the hard work for the child.

 

You'll be surprised how much MORE in tune you'll feel after you've sleep trained

It's true! I hear this from parents all the time. They are better able to distinguish when baby is sick or not feeling their best. Sleep training really helps you tune into what your baby's different cries mean. And in fact, your sleep trained child will still call out for you at night when they need you. It's just that with sleep training you're teaching them to regulate their sleep so they don't need you for it throughout the night (or after short naps).

 

Your child will cry as a result of sleep training but this is NOT the end of the world

Crying is not a fire that needs to be put out. It's communication. And it's 100% okay for your child to communicate that they don't like the change. Our job as parents is not to stifle any uncomfortable feelings for our child. It's to be there, to support them through those feelings, and teach them that they can get through the uncomfortable stuff.

 

 

 

Did you need to hear this tough love? Walk to chat more and see if sleep training is the next right step for your family?

Let's chat!

Whatever way you slice it, parenting is just plain hard. There are no hacks or tips that can fully eliminate the struggles. And when you add sleep deprivation on top of it all, it can feel unbearable at times.

Caring for your little one every day... Trying to succeed at work or at home... Managing your own mental health... Maintaining important relationships in your life...

 

It's A LOT to juggle. It's not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

 

With that all said, I'm not here to offer you an "easy hack" or a "secret tip" to make it all better. But I do want to help you see that you get a choice in how you handle the hard parts of parenting. And the simple act of making that choice can help you feel more in control, more confident, and less like you're drowning.

 

YOU GET TO CHOOSE YOUR HARD.

 

What do I mean by that? Let's look at 2 hard things:

 

HARD THING #1

Your child is struggling with sleep (night wakings, fighting sleep, short naps, cranky & overtired all the time, etc). You can accept that this is where you're at right now and embrace it. This will be temporary. Some day your child will sleep better. You can choose for this to be your hard and go with it. Accept it and stop letting it plague your every thought and emotion.

 

HARD THING #2

Your child is struggling with sleep but you've decided to arm yourself with support & information and start tackling these sleep issues. You know that change will be hard and that you'll likely get even worse sleep for a short time while you make changes. But you have hope that it will get better shortly after and your child will learn to regulate their own sleep if you give them the opportunity to learn. You embrace the challenge ahead of you and decide to tackle it wholeheartedly.

 

 

 

Choosing #1 is not better or worse than choosing #2 (at least I'm not going to pass that judgement). YOU get to decide which is better or worse for your family and your unique situation.

 

Unfortunately, I often see parents stuck in between these 2 hard things. They don't fully accept one or the other and so they feel even more stressed and overwhelmed because of it.

 

Usually that looks like dabbling in sleep training methods, following sleep consultant accounts, also following anti-sleep training accounts, but never fully committing to either so they never really see progress and feel perpetually guilty. Meanwhile, because they are "kind of" trying to get to better sleep, they can never be fully present in the moment with their child, they constantly feel anxious about the state of their child's sleep and they certainly aren't going to embrace the stage their currently in.

 

These parents often vacillate between thinking that their child's sleep struggles are just a part of life and/or thinking that their child is capable of sleeping better. This keeps them stuck in a downward spiral. (And if you've been here, you know exactly what I mean). You just feel stuck!

 

 

I'm here to offer a solution. If you decide to jump in and embrace hard thing #2.

You're ready to tackle your child's sleep issues wholeheartedly,

then look no further than my affordable Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies:

With the Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies you can have a step by step plan at your fingertips to achieve your sleep goals -> do your bedtime routine, kiss your baby goodnight, and walk out of the room + know that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

 

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-coaching-crash-course

Recently, I had a call with a mom and she expressed to me that if we worked together, her husband wouldn't be available to help with night wakings because he had to go to work during the day and she didn't- she just stayed home with the kids. Plus she had been handling all the night wakings to this point because she exclusively breastfed so there was nothing her husband could do anyways. 

 

This mom was also *drowning* in sleeplessness and desperately in need of help. She spent much of the conversation on the verge of tears because of her sleep deprivation and how much she felt she was failing as a new mother.

 

I wish I could say that this was a first for me but unfortunately I talk to moms who feel this exhausted and frustrated and without help all the time. 

 

I want to share my tips for how your non-nursing partner can help with night wakings but first, I think we need to talk about the fact that this goes way beyond breastfeeding. Even among families who use formula, there is an overwhelming number of stay at homes who “just” stay home with the kids so they become the default night parent.

 

Furthermore, there are plenty of working moms who also find themselves in the position of being the default nighttime parent simply because they are women.

So yeah. I have a little soapbox I need to get on for a quick moment, and then we will proceed with the tips below:

First off, let me lead with this (so I'm not misunderstood and so I don't come across as judgmental) ⤵️

 

👉If you and your partner have communicated and decided on a night solution that works for both parties, then it's not a problem if one parent is in charge of most night wakings.

*Full disclosure, when my second son was a newborn, I was in charge of night wakings and my husband slept in another room for a bit.*

But here's why it worked:
✨I wasn't drowning in sleeplessness. Was I tired, yes. Was I at the end of my rope at that time? Not even close.
✨ We talked about it. If I had not been comfortable with that set up, I would have objected and we would have come up with a different plan.
✨ It wasn't assumed that just because I was a stay at home, I should be the one in charge of night wakings. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Stay at home moms, I need you to hear this: Staying home with the kids and keeping them alive and thriving is a FULL👏TIME👏JOB. Your partner working out of the house all day is not an excuse, in and of itself, to leave the nighttime parenting all on your shoulders! Full. Stop.

 

Working moms, I need you to hear this: Being on shift all day AND all night does not have to be your default! Your partner can help with nights too. I don’t care if they have to be up early for work or if they stay up too late working. They can handle night wakings too.

We cannot be afraid to open communication with our significant others and get help. Parenting doesn’t have to be a perfect 50/50 split but roles DO need to be discussed and understood and compromised and appreciated.

Maybe they don't know how much you're drowning. Maybe experiencing a night or two of what you're going through would incentivize them to help you form a plan for better sleep. 🤷‍♀️ But let's stop taking it upon ourselves to be the martyrs without asking (or demanding if it comes to that) help from our partners.

👉Also, I'll throw this in because it's a thought in my head as well... I am breaking generational cycles that have been passed down. Where the women are expected to do all the parenting and the men are expected to bring home a paycheck. I am *SO* happy that my boys will grow up seeing that their Dad is just as much their caregiver as I am. 💗

 

Anyways! Onto the tips for ways non-nursing partners can help you with night wakings…

Being a nursing mother does not have to mean you’re handling all the night wakes without help.

 

Tip #1 Split shifts at night

Typically babies can go their longest stretches of sleep in the first half of the night. So have the non-nursing partner take the first shift and handle any wakings. Then the nursing mom can be on shift for the second half of the night. You can even split things up more and have the non-nursing partner back on shift in the early am when baby might just need to be held/rocked to sleep an extra hour or so and let the nursing mom sleep in.

 

Tip #2 Split night waking duties

When baby wakes for a feed, the nursing mom can go tend to baby and feed it. Then, if the baby struggles to go back down right away, the non-nursing parent can tap in at that point and stay up until baby is asleep. This can really help the nursing mom cut down on her awake time during the night, especially if your child has trouble going back to sleep after feedings.

 

Tip #3 Opposite night waking duty split

When baby wakes for a feed, the non-nursing parent can go get the baby, change diaper if necessary, and bring the baby to mom. This will give mom a chance to set up for the feeding or spend a few extra precious minutes resting before breastfeeding.

 

Tip #4 Non-feeding wakings handled by non-nursing partner

Some babies will wake often at night, but it’s more of a habit/lack of independent sleep skill issue than a hunger issue. In these wakings, where the baby doesn’t nutritionally need a feed, the non-nursing parent can handle 100% of these. The nursing mom really only needs to be involved when the waking is out of hunger. Pro-tip: start this from a young age! It’s not unusual for babies to develop preferences to nurse/pacify back to sleep but if the non-nursing partner is handling half the wakings, it really helps to avoid this. Babies who are used to only being settled by mom and nursing, will struggle to accept comfort from the other parent. This is something you have to work at so mom doesn’t become a human pacifier.

 

Tip #5 When other children are involved...

The non-nursing parent can be in charge of any other children who are regularly waking or randomly waking at night. Depending on how you decide to split up duties, the non-nursing parent may also be in charge of bedtime for other children and handling early morning wakings as well. Like the last tip, this isn’t something that will come easily or naturally if you haven’t implemented it from day 1. But I promise you, it is worth it! Your kids deserve to see that both parents can tend to them and care for them and love them. And the nursing mom deserves to have a partner that is willing to put in the effort and help her!

 

Moms, if you're struggling with your own sleep, check out this podcast episode I recorded last year. Episode 27. Ten sleep tips for moms.

 

If you've done any searching about baby sleep and sleep training, no doubt you've come across the anti sleep training community. It can be so confusing and conflicting to read all the different opinions out there.

I don't feel it's my job to convince anyone of what route they should take with their babies BUT I do talk to a lot of parents on a weekly basis. And the thing that breaks my heart is the number of moms I talk to who are drowning in sleeplessness and feeling absolutely helpless. They are paralyzed by fear that they will do their baby irreparable harm but at the same time they desperately need something to change because they can feel themselves sinking.

That's why I decided to put this post together. There are many things that I believe the anti sleep training community gets woefully wrong.

 

#1 thing the anti sleep training community gets wrong

The well being of mom and baby are connected.

What's best for baby isn't really best for baby if mom is suffering. The two are a pair. Prioritizing the physical and mental health of mom is what's best for the baby too. We can't advocate for what's best for the baby ONLY. Apart from the mental health aspect of things, a rested mom is also more readily available and attuned to her child. And we know that a secure attachment has everything to do with being a warm, loving, and emotionally available parent and nothing to do with cosleeping, breastfeeding, and anti-sleep training ideologies. 

 

#2 thing the anti sleep training community gets wrong

Sleep training is responsive.

Have you ever heard of a sleep training method?! Yeah, it's called a method because you *do* something. And that *doing* is responding to your baby. Now, your responses look different than usual of course. And the goal of responding is not just to hush up the baby. But that's not a bad thing- especially if the way you've been responding is not working for the mother/baby pair anymore. See this blog post for my breakdown of the various sleep coaching methods out there.

 

#3 thing the anti sleep training community gets wrong

Everyone faces challenges and stressors in life.

This idea that we must protect our little ones from every feeling stress or discomfort is, quite honestly, ridiculous. Now, is this a reason to stress your baby out unnecessarily? Of course not. But life isn't perfect and sometimes it's about choosing which stressors your child will be exposed to. If you're looking for the magical pathway that includes zero stress for your baby, you're not gonna find it. And honestly? I don't think you'd be doing your child any favors if you could.

I would even argue that providing opportunities for discomfort and stress when you can be there to scaffold for your baby is a great way to work on resiliency.

 

#4 thing the anti sleep training community gets wrong

Falling asleep alone doesn't have to be a traumatic experience.

This is building upon the previous point but we have to stop catastrophizing the act of sleep training.  Will sleep training be a different? Yes. A frustrating experience? Sure. But a traumatic experience? To learn something new in the safety of your loving home? No. That's a projection of our issues onto our babies.

As a foster mom, this one really gets me riled up because I know what actual traumatic experiences babies and young kids go through and sleep training with a caring parent is just not it.

 

#5 thing the anti sleep training community gets wrong

It's not up to you to solve society's problems.

Seriously. So often I see anti-sleep training accounts spout off about how people only want to sleep train because we don't have good enough parental leave and society dictates that we get up and go to work 5 days a week, and blah blah blah. These things may (or may not) play a role in your decision to sleep train, but it's not your job to fix society. At least not right now while you're in the trenches.

 

I often wonder if the anti-sleep training community realizes that, in their efforts to rage against sleep training (all in the name of infant mental health), they are shaming and jeopardizing the mental health of so many moms out there. And to bring this post full circle: hurting moms' mental health is going to have a trickle down effect on baby too.

 

For more help with your child's sleep, check out my Everything Page. Here I offer freebies, courses, and 1:1 services for each age group!

That's right, this blog (& podcast) is to help YOU sleep better! You know I love talking baby & toddler sleep but it's also important that us moms take care of ourselves too.

In the blog below I talk through 10 simple tips to get you sleeping better at night. Happy sleeping!

 

*This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my privacy and disclosure statement for more information.

Available on Apple Podcasts, Google, Spotify, and Stitcher

 

Tip #1 Make a plan for night wakings

More specifically, make a plan with your partner, that INCLUDES your partner for how you'll share nighttime responsibilities. Even if your partner goes to work each day and you stay home, that shouldn't matter. Both parents should be sharing nighttime responsibilities. Because let's be honest, staying home with children and keeping tiny humans alive is a full time job and it's not any less important or taxing than what your partner is away doing during the day.

Along the same lines, even if you're breastfeeding exclusively, our partner can still help. They can get baby's diaper changed, bring baby to you, and make sure you are supplied with any water or nighttime snacks you may need. Or if your child doesn't easily go back down after a feeding, then you can hand them off to your partner while you head back to bed.

Making a plan ahead of time and honestly communicating is SO key for better sleep (and a better relationship).

 

Tip #2 Have a consistent bedtime routine

Just like our kids benefit from having a consistent bedtime routine that helps them wind down and get ready for bed, you will too! Make sure the activities you are doing are calming and helping you de-stress. Avoid exercise before bed, snacking, screen use, and anything else that may get you worked up.

A good starting place if you have no clue where to begin...

-Do a final check in on your phone before turning it off and leaving it out of your room

-Brush your teeth, wash your face, and do any other bathroom tasks

-Get dressed in your comfy pajamas

-Spend about 10 minute reading

-Lights off and white noise on! 🙂

 

Tip #3 Avoid screens before bed and during the night

Screen use before sleep time can be really detrimental to our circadian rhythm. The light sends signals to your brain that it's not nighttime and this can lead to inhibiting of your melatonin production.

Guys, I know it's hard to avoid screens before bed, and I am FAR from perfect. But if you are struggling with your sleep, I challenge you to give it a try for a week and see if it helps!

One more quick note with this tip: You also want to avoid staring at your phone during nighttime feeds because that can absolutely make it harder to wind down after.

Tip #4 Use a sleep mask to block out light

Just like your baby needs darkness to sleep, so do you! You can either do this by getting some good blackout covers (I recommend BlackoutEZ) or by grabbing a sleep mask! Having a sleep mask can be especially helpful if you and your partner have differing wake and sleep times.

 

Tip #5 Use white noise to block out sounds

At the risk of sounding like a broken record... you can benefit from white noise too! There's a reason we recommend bedtime routines, dark sleep environments, and white noise for little ones. Those things set your child up for success and you're a human too so it works the same way.

White noise works by creating a sound buffer to block out extra noises that may wake you from a light stage of sleep. I love sleeping with my Lectrofan Classic white noise machine.

 

Tip #6 Avoid caffeine after lunch

I get it. You're tired so you are downing coffee each day. But what if all that coffee drinking is making it harder to fall asleep? Typically it's recommended by sleep doctors to avoid caffeine after lunch time (around noon).

Here's your mini science lesson on the why: Caffeine blocks our adenosine receptors. Adenosine is the chemical that builds up as we are awake throughout the day. This build up is responsible for creating sleep pressure that helps us fall asleep at night. When we have too much caffeine (or have it too late in the day) our brain doesn't realize we are sleepy and this stops the build up of sleep pressure, making it harder to fall asleep.

Bottom line. Assess your caffeine intake in the afternoon/evening and see if there's room for improvement. 🙂

 

Tip #7 Watch out for daytime napping

First thing. If you are in survival mode of those newborn days when your baby is up every hour or so at night (which is normal and, unfortunately, to be expected with newborns) then naps are your friend! Take all the naps you can and get your sleep however you can.

However, if you are starting to get slightly longer stretches at night (3-4 hours) then I'd try to stay clear of daytime naps. Those will wipe out your daytime sleep pressure and, much like caffeine, make it harder to fall asleep at night. So watch out for those naps!

 

Tip #8 Move your child further from your side of the bed

If you're room sharing and the sounds from your baby are disturbing your sleep, you have some options to think through. Maybe you decide you're ready to move your child out of your room and into their own room. Maybe you can place their pack n play in your walk in closet. At the very least, I recommend moving their sleep space to as far from your side of the bed as possible.

If your partner is less disturbed by baby sounds, considering switching sides of the bed so you can be further from baby.

 

Tip #9 Consider taking a magnesium supplement

Magnesium can be really helpful when it comes to sleep. Magnesium works to relax and calm the body and help you sleep longer. I would opt for a magnesium supplement before using a melatonin supplement. Melatonin can aid in helping you fall asleep quicker but it's not meant to help you sleep longer. On the other hand, magnesium has been shown to help regulate melatonin production so it's kind of like hitting 2 birds with 1 stone!

Like all supplements, do your research before trying and it never hurts to ask your doctor too!

 

Tip #10 Keep a brain dump on your bedside table

As moms, we often have 50 million tabs open in our brains. And all those tabs and reminders can make it hard to shut our brains down and sleep. I highly recommend that you have a notepad on your bedside table. Each night before bed, jot down all the little details that are bouncing around in your brain. That way you can be sure you won't forget anything and you can finally settle in for a restful night of sleep!

 

 

I hope these tips were helpful! Please remember that YOU deserve sleep too, Mama. Happy Sleeping!

 

Need to get your child's sleep under control first? Check out my resources for every age below:

After spending so much time talking about sleep, we thought it'd be fun to get our moms on the podcast and hear their perspectives! We dive into:

-How they handled sleep as parents

-If they faced any unwanted sleep advice when we were babies

-What their perspective was regarding how we handled sleep with our own children

-Their advice for talking to your own mom about your child's sleep situation

 

It was definitely a unique episode and one we enjoyed thoroughly! We hope you enjoy it too!

 

For more resources on handling caregivers and sleep, check out this blog post: Communication your child's sleep needs to caregivers

Click here for a quick link to your desired podcast app

Welcome back to the sleep talking moms podcast. And today we are really excited because we have a special episode planned for you guys. So this was really really fun to do. We got our moms involved in the conversation surrounding baby sleep, their experience of with it, their experiences grandparents with it, and just kind of what it's like to be a mom, and then be somebody is mom who is a mom.

So it's been, I don't know, it was really, really fun. Also very interesting to see how very alike they were despite raising us very differently.

Yeah. So if you guys have any experience with having the tough conversations with your moms about how you're choosing to schedule baby sleep, this might be a really, really good one for you guys. Yeah. So we hope you enjoy it and thanks to our moms for being willing to record with us and I know they were both a little nervous about it. But thank you moms for joining us. Thank you hope you guys enjoy.

Interview with Linda (Kayla's Mom)

I'm excited to introduce you all to Linda Kayla's mom. Linda, do you want to say hi to everyone? Hi everybody. Hi, Mom. Hi, Kayla. We're so glad that you're here and just that you're willing to just talk about sleep and your experiences as a mom and as a grandma and thank you for being with us. Well, thank you for asking me. I'm very happy to share Well, why don't you start by telling us how was Kayla as a sleeper.

I was fortunate enough to have very good sleepers. However, Kayla was a preemie and she was hospitalized. At two weeks old for asthma. And for whatever reason it always happened the middle of the night. Oh, we we have a lot of interruptions for the first couple years of her life until things got regulated a little better. And we got more answers, the older she got.

So I spent many times next to her crib, patting her back or rocking her or, you know, just making sure she was okay and trying to get her back to sleep. Yeah, I can imagine that that was probably very nerve wracking. Since you felt like they did happen. You know that those kind of episodes where she would have issues what happened at night. That that just was hard to handle.

Yeah, it was very scary often, but as far as like a nap, or Kayla has always required a great deal of sleep. And she gets that honestly. She's, you know, she's my kid that on a Friday night would be in bed. By 738 o'clock. Even in high school.

 

She didn't spend the night with very many friends because he couldn't hang on go stayed awake all night long. She required sleep and I was thankful for that much rather have it that way then my opposite. Uh huh. Yeah, yeah, that's very true. Well, let me ask you, Linda, did you feel like your situation how you handled sleep with with both of your girls, did you ever feel judged for the way that you handled sleep?

Or you know, did you ever get like, you know, any pushback from family members or your own mom about sleep or what was that experience? Like?

No, I didn't get any pushback. My mom was a licensed daycare person, pretty much all my life. And so I I followed her lead and when, when my girls were tired, a went to sleep.

When they woke up, they woke up. There were times that I would wake them up late in the afternoon, you know, get them up at a certain time so that they would go to sleep in the evening. They always had a set bed time. You know, between 730 and eight, they were in bed, but you know when they were new babies and when they were toddlers it was just kind of the routine that you know, like breakfast and then play a little and then naptime.

And then you know, get up and have a snack and get ready for lunch and wait for a little while and go down for nap or was never as structured as Kayla was. Or is I was more in tune to you know what the baby was telling me. And thankfully I didn't have trouble all you know, I didn't have trouble with them. Going down and sleeping. If I had I probably would have had a different approach. But they were always good sleepers.

 

And I was following my mom's bleed. So you know, I kind of didn't care what anybody else thought. I mean, that's kind of my personality is that, you know, okay, you had your turn. You. You need to quiet down now. Unless you're asked. Just, yeah. Zipit. Uh huh. Yes, yes.

And I think that is a really good quality to have as a mom, you know, it's one of those things if you don't have that quality naturally, when you become a mom, you kind of have to get you learn it, you know, you kind of get that thicker skin where you're like, I actually don't need anybody else's opinion.

I trust what I'm doing. You were the parent before and now it's it's my turn, you know? Yeah, I think that's a very good quality to have as a mom or to gain.

So let's fast forward a little bit because you you kind of alluded to this already, Linda but do you remember having an opinion about the way that Kayla handled sleep with with her own two boys what she had kids do remember having an opinion and how did you guys kind of approach you know, any difference in opinions there?

I really just took my lead from Kay and she was very structured the whole day revolved around the sleep schedule. You know if that's it, she was not flexible in altering that at all. Kayla's phase right now is Yeah, sounds about right. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. And I was more you know, if they were ready for a nap at 1230 Okay, if they were ready for a nap at one.

Okay, you know, it wasn't that set. But you know, it has worked beautifully for Kayla, you know, the boys are are great sleepers. One thing that I did have a lot of issue with was crying having the boys be in their bed and it's not time to get them up yet. Or if they're not quite ready to go down yet, but it's time so you're going and they would cry and I I just never ever let my girls cry for that long.

I would have gone in and you know, give them an A hug and sang them a song and rock them for a few minutes to settle them down. And but you know, again, that was how I was brought up so I just I struggled with that. It was very hard for me to stay out of the bedrooms when the when the boys were would cry.

 

Yeah. And you're definitely not alone. In that I hear that from a lot of grandparents, especially what I when I work with families and you know, maybe a grandparent watches them on a regular basis or you know maybe in some cases they live with the grandparents and and that there is there does seem to be just that that generational difference there and and I don't know if I'm sure part of it is the way that they handled sleep kind of like what you said that just wasn't how you did it.

I think in other ways, it just becomes harder when you are the parent right? So the grandparents a lot of times get the child when they're on their best behavior. They're excited to be with Grandma, you know, they get all the fun good stuff, and sometimes they get to skip out on the not so fun side. And so I think that makes it can make it harder to Does that make sense?

Yeah. One thing that you know, I'm an early childhood special education teacher. I've been doing this for 20 years. One thing that I think kind of reinforces my my need to not let them the boys cry is because we have so much of a push for social emotional development in the school systems right now and with my my three to five year olds who are developmentally little, it's it's like when siblings fight you know, and you stop being the referee as a parent and you just let them work it out. Well, you know, that's, that's not done in a classroom.

In a classroom. I would intervene. I would talk to each child. We we would, you know, apologize and, you know, shake hands or give a hug or whatever and, and we would work it out. And so, you know, if a child is sad, then you know you you're at that child's side immediately with a book or a teddy bear or, you know, come sit on my lap or you know, something like that.

And with the boys. It's hard to switch gears for me because it's so ingrained in my mind of what I have to do in my classroom. Compared to respecting my daughter's wishes, you know, and letting not that your social emotional needs are not getting met because they absolutely are.

Kayla is a fabulous mom. Ah, but she is she is i i could not be prouder guys, I'm gonna cry. There are times when I see her with the boys or when she sends me a video or whatever, then I want to cry because I'm just so proud of who she's become. But I still have that teacher pull. Yeah,

I'm glad you said that because I hadn't really thought about that. But I mean, it makes total sense. You know, because there is, there is a difference between if you're a teacher or a daycare, provider, you know, a caregiver of any kind. The way that you respond there isn't automatically the same as you know, a mom with her kids. 24/7 is going to respond.

So yeah, thank you for kind of explaining that that that makes total sense in my head. And hopefully that will help anyone else who's listening that may feel you know, like they're in a similar situation. I hope so.

Yeah. Let me let me ask you one more thing, Linda, if you could give any advice for new parents? What what would it be whether it's sleep or or otherwise related, what advice would you have? Give yourself some grace? Because Because infancy and the toddler stages go by in a blink of an eye and you feel at the time. We're so tired, and your house is a wreck and your hormonal and you feel fat that that is all consuming and it feels like that stage goes on for forever. It has. It is so brief.

And I would just say you know, give yourself some grace and above all, you know, find, find joy in that baby, every single day. Even if that baby has cried has had, you know breast milk diarrhea forever. You've changed outfits 20 times the child has not sleep been you just find the joy of wow, I'm here. I get to hold this baby. I get to rock this baby. I get to change this baby 20 times. Yay.

Because tomorrow will be different. They change so fast, so fast, but at the same time, speaking as you know, my five year old has been throwing tantrums today. They also changed so slowly it feels like do how was it both at the same time? I don't know.

 

Interview with Sherry (Carianna's mom)

Alright everyone and I have for you guys, Carrie Anna's mom, Sherry. Hi, Sherry.

Hi, Kayla.

Also, sometimes I may call her my second mom because it was basically what she was for the entire time that I lived here. So you hear either one of those names. It is Sherry. Alright, so you're gonna have to think back but not too far. We're still very young army here. Yeah, no, no. Do you have any or can you share your memories or experience with Carianna and how she slept as a young child, baby toddler age.

I have wonderful memories, because she was the kind of baby and I just remember this this morning. I had six weeks off from work when I had her. And she started sleeping through the night at week number five. So I got a whole week's worth of good sleep before I had to go back to my job. She was one of them to prep. Yes, you later down at 7pm and you woke her? It was it was perfect.

That's so funny because my mom was just saying that I was a sleeper as well. And then that's how Carianna and I continued throughout our entire childhood. into high school all is it any wonder that we have a podcast talking about sleep? Right? It was meant

for us? That's right. That's right. But you know you didn't ask me this question. But something that I thought of was I didn't really know people had sleep issues with their kids. But right before I had her, I found an article just kind of stumbled on one that talks about how babies have to learn to put themselves to sleep. And I really remembered that didn't ever have to put it into practice. But I tried to share that with some of my friends because I had some friends going through terrible sleeping situations.

Interesting. Okay, well that kind of brings me to my next question. Did you have a specific philosophy around sleep? I don't know. I don't I don't some of your life a lot of your life but like you were working. I do like I mean, I've known you forever. I've been alive forever. And you have so much more left to go so much. Did you have any specific philosophy around sleep or was there anything that you asked your caregiver to do in terms of Carianna and her napping and bedtime? Anything like that? That you remember?

You know, aside from that article, I had nothing and my caregiver had been a mother for a lot longer than me. So I just left her in her hands and figured she's probably going to do a lot better job than I am so no I really went into being a mother kind of blind as far as sleep goes.

Oh, wow. So calm.

I'm not sure I was calm but I had Mark to keep me calm. So

no, ah, and then did your mom or do you remember anybody giving you any like comments or anything about how you were handling sleep or really any part of parenting that you can remember I guess if Carianna was just sleeping then people probably didn't have anything to say they were probably just like, cool. You got to sleep.

You know, I remember my mom coming over to see me sometime during my six weeks. And of course Carianna was sleeping I was in the living room writing thank you notes. And she said, wow, everything just seems so peaceful here. I said well, the baby's sleeping the houses clean. I'm getting caught up on my work. Yeah, things are going great. I just kept thinking this. This gig is

really easy. Like where's the catch is there what's gonna happen? What's coming. Alright, so fast forward. Carianna is now a mom. Do you remember having an opinion on how she was handling sleep? Because I know her whole career kind of started from her hiring a sleep consultant when Ethan was four months old. Is that correct? Carianna so there when Yeah, when he was four, we didn't work with asleep consult then but I found a sleep consultants blog and read all the things and was like okay, we're sleep training. Let's do it. Okay, so I'm sure that you remember before sleep training and then after, but did you have an opinion on how she was handling sleep?

Well, it was funny because there was a lot of rigmarole that she was going through to try to get him to fall asleep. And I remember thinking that poor couple if they make it through mean, that scented lotion gave him to relax. And I mean, I could go on and on. But you know the swaddling and they were just trying everything. Out of desperation. So I didn't have that much of an opinion because I felt so bad for Thank you God, but that didn't happen to me

that's hilarious. Okay, so did so you didn't really aside from like, I feel bad that you guys are dealing with us. He didn't really have an opinion on her trying anything then because it was like you do what you got to do. For your marriage and for your child

and for your own sleep. Which was so important to me. Right. And I knew Derek was someone who had a hard time sleeping himself. So it's like between the two of them. They got to get a good night's sleep.

Yeah. And then in what ways did Carrie and I get you on board with her sleep philosophy? Like did you notice a change in how Ethan was sleeping and did that kind of just tell you? Okay, what they're doing is working or did you kind of have to be persuaded?

I did not. Have to be persuaded and I kept him five or four mornings a week. I kept Tim's from like, seven in the morning until lunchtime. So she kept me in the loop all the way because I had to be on board with it. You know, I had to carry on what she was doing at home. I had to do it my house as far as the way she had him going to bed and stuff. So yeah, I was on board with it. I wanted them to find a solution. And I wanted him to get a good night's sleep, a good day's sleep. You know, he was a little bitty baby. And it was just hard to hear. He was struggling so much with it. So I was on board for beginning.

That's so great. Like, not every family has that experience. And so when you say like, oh, I had to go with whatever she was doing for the sake of consistency. That's not how it works for everybody. And so yeah, yeah, both of you are so lucky to have each other kind of work together to make sure that what was best for Ethan was what was happening anymore.

I mean, who wouldn't want that for their grandchild? You know,

right? Yeah. And I she she also put up with a lot for me because when we did sleep train him at four months, we were so scared of going backwards. To you know, he was sleep training all the sudden he started sleeping 12 hours, which we weren't expecting or trying for but it just started doing it. We were so scared of going backwards that I gave her like I would write out an exact schedule for her followed these wake windows. Exactly. Do not put him down for a nap before after like kind of what your mom was saying Kayla I was pretty rigid and very clear in my instructions. And I'm sure she on one hand was like oh my gosh, this girl is crazy. But I just was like this is working and I do not want to miss it.

Yeah, yes. I was thankful to have those rigid instructions. Because I'm kind of i The book person. And if I don't have a book, I'm going to make up my own. And I really appreciated having it all written. down for me. In fact, I told her that I was always in a panic that I would lose those notes. And then what would I do? I mean, how would I take care of him if I didn't have that?

List? That's so funny. It just reminds me when I was having Imre, Nick was gone. He was deployed. And so it was just mother in law and my mom with me. I had a binder of how to take care of Ellis while I was in the hospital, and it was like wake up at this time then this is what you do. This is breakfast and then I would put like what he likes to eat for breakfast and it was like so bad, like, timed. And I just remember my mother in law was the one that was dealing with Ellis. She was like I'm so grateful that I had that I thought I was being annoying. But she was like, This is so great. I was just like, you can't mess up the schedule. You can't mess up the structure. If you do that. Then he's like gonna bring this at home and everything's gonna spin out of control. And so it's just really funny. You think you're being annoying, but here we have two moms that are saying no, give us the notes.

I'm not proud. I know I do not know at all.

That's a great trait to have. It really is. Do you have any advice for new parents when it comes? To speaking to their parents about the decisions that they're making for their children's children, whether it's sleep or potty training, any of those things that you have to do where you're kind of teaching your kid do you have any advice on how they can talk to their own parents? about their choices? Well, I'm

sure it varies from you know, parent to child, but I just had so much faith in Carianna and Derek, that they I mean, they're smart people, they research things they don't go off on crazy ideas. I just fully that what they were doing was the right thing. And I think letting us grandparents know what you're doing is the best thing you can do because as long as we were in the loop, and we were being educated, I never doubted it at all. I just felt really comfortable with it. I think I would have been more at my wit's end. If they hadn't been pursuing a way to to fix this. I would have been really frustrated and worried. And I've learned more through my friends than through my own personal experience, that if you can't work with your kids to help their kids, it's not going to work. If I'm not on board with her it's not going to work. She doesn't have to be on board with me. She's in charge of that child, not me. So I'm ready. It's really me that has to be on board.

And yeah, our moms are saying almost the exact same thing. It's really really sweet. So alright, so to kind of wrap up. First of all, how does beam a grandparent feel? How does it feel to watch your child raise children?

It's the best feeling and I am so proud of my child. And I'm so proud of Derek I could cry. I mean, are better parents than we ever dreamt of being? Because I think they're just more purposeful. We just, I don't know, I feel like when we were having you know, we only had one child but when we were having her it it wasn't really thought through as much all the little things. But these guys are great. They just they know what they're doing. And I feel really lucky that my grandkids are being raised by some really competent people.

Ah, that makes me want to cry. I definitely don't know exactly what I'm doing though. So I just want to clear that up.

You don't have to tell me that. Carianna let me think.

Well, Sherry, you did a really, really great job no matter how you feel about oh, you raised She's amazing. She's amazing.

Yeah, she is pretty amazing. But I know that did not come from us. We are just lucky enough to get to claim. So we get the credit.

There you go. All right. Well, yeah, that's all the questions that I had for you. So thank you so much for being here and for sharing your experience.

Starting to sleep training may feel like the next right step. But if you're not ready... it's not going to be pretty. I'm going to walk you through my sleep training readiness checklist so you know if you're ready for this big transition. But before we jump into this readiness checklist, let's talk about what reasons you would have for wanting to sleep train in the first place.

 

WHY you might choose to sleep train

The number one reason that I see people wanting to sleep train is that their current sleep habits are unsustainable. Maybe your child needs to be bounced 50 times on the yoga ball before they fall asleep. And you know you cannot continue doing that day after day, month after month, etc. That may very well be a reason to sleep train for you.

Another reason that you may choose to Sleep Train is if you know your child is suffering. They're just not getting the sleep they need and they are struggling as a result.

Another very valid reason may be that your child is content and happy but you yourself are struggling. You are not getting the sleep you need and you are not able to be the parent you want to be. Again, this is a very valid reason to choose sleep training.

Sometimes children are resisting the help that you are providing to sleep. Maybe you've been nursing your child to sleep for months and months and it's been going great with no issues and now all of a sudden your child is resisting. Either they're not falling asleep or they are falling asleep but as soon as you try to transfer them, they're waking up. That may just be your child fighting this help to fall asleep. In cases like this, until we make this change and teach them to fall asleep on their own, they are going to continue to struggle. This would obviously be a very good reason to choose to sleep train too!

This last reason probably goes without saying but if you are experiencing lots of night wakings, early morning wakings, or short naps. Sleep training can absolutely help to improve those sleep issues.

 

So now that we've talked about why you might sleep train let's jump in to that readiness checklist:

#1 How old is your child?

Now contrary to popular opinion, there is not a magical age where you can suddenly sleep train. But the way that we handle sleep and the sleep training process is absolutely going to differ if we're talking about a newborn or a baby or a toddler or preschooler. So while I am not saying that you cannot sleep train a newborn, I am saying that we're going to approach it very, very differently.

And in fact, if we're talking about a newborn (anyone under the age of three to four months) we are going to be taking things very, very slow, and very gradual. It is all about just practice and exposure, but not expecting a ton out of our newborn. We're not going to do full-on hardcore sleep training with our newborns, but we absolutely can work towards better sleep habits from day one. In fact, I have a mini course all about how to set a healthy foundation like this from day 1!

If you were looking for official sleep training, and wanting to move a little quicker than a snail's pace, you will want your child to be above three to four months of age before you begin.

#2 How do you feel about your current sleep situation?

I mention this because sometimes parents feel like all this outside pressure to change their sleep situation. But really deep down inside, they don't want to change anything. And that's okay! Not everyone has to or needs to sleep train!

You only need to sleep train if you are unhappy or don't feel safe or don't feel comfortable with your current sleep situation. So do a little deep dive into what you really think. And if you are really ready or your family is really ready, then it may be time to sleep train

 

#3 How do you feel about your child expressing emotions about the changes you will be making

Okay, let's just say it! There is going to be crying during the process and that is just unavoidable. I'm not a big believer in the "no cry" sleep training options because I just don't know many children that that would actually work with. I feel like it's more of a marketing ploy. It is normal and natural for your child to be frustrated with any type of change you're making, whether we're talking about sleep or otherwise, and the way they express their frustration is usually through crying.

So how do you feel about that? Are you comfortable with that?

When I work with families, I use a range of methods to help them learn to sleep on their own. Some methods they use may be very hands on (in the room the whole time, comforting the whole time) while other methods may be more hands off (leave the room and then come back and check in and leave again). So there's a range here of how you can respond. But none of these options are going to guarantee that your child won't have emotions and that they won't express them. You need to do a little digging about how you feel when it comes to emotions and decide if that's a deal breaker for you.

#4 Are you on the same page as your partner?

If you have a partner, you need to be on the same page before beginning. When you're going through this process, it is going to be a process that is not going to be easy breezy and you need someone who is going to support you. Someone who is on your team and helping you stick with your plan.

If you have someone instead who is undermining you or who just doesn't understand what you're trying to do then you need to get them on board beforehand. It is very hard to make these big changes if you don't have that support.

Sit down and have a 1:1 chat with them about what you are struggling with and how you feel. And let me tell you a trick. If your partner is not currently involved in the sleep process (if they're not handling most of the night wakings, if they're not handling most of the naps) AND they're against sleep training, pull them in to help more. After they realize what you are dealing with on a daily basis and they walk a mile in your shoes, they will be much more open to talking. So have that heart to heart.

 

#5 Are you ready for it to get a little bit worse before it gets better?

I know this may be a very tough pill to swallow because right now you're thinking, "Can it get worse than it is right now? It's terrible." But yes, it is temporarily going to get worse as you start the sleep training process. It will get infinitely better when you get through it.

If you just don't have the bandwidth right now to deal with that, maybe this is an especially stressful time at work or maybe you have another child at home that is struggling, that's okay. You can always revisit later when you have more time and energy to sleep train. But just knowing that it will get worse before it gets better helps you be more prepared for the process.

 

#6 Are you ready to devote a chunk of time to the sleep training process?

It is not going to be over within a day or two. Unless you have a magical unicorn baby (most of us don't).

You need to have two weeks minimum set aside to make these changes. Maybe it goes a lot quicker than two weeks. That would be great. But if it doesn't, we need to be prepared. You want to be able to make your child's schedule your number one priority for this period of time. And you want to be able to have them in their ideal environment as much as possible during that two week time. We don't want to be gone for a bunch of appointments or traveling or having visitors over (who may not be supportive of your sleep training process). Look at your schedule. See where you can mark out two weeks or as close to two weeks as possible to address these changes.

 

Feeling overwhelmed?

Now if you feel like you might be ready to start but you're feeling really overwhelmed about where you can even begin... Here is a link to my scheduler so we can talk through your situation and see if we'd make a good fit to work together.

I talk with many families when they are in the midst of deciding whether or not to sleep train. Today I offer 4 questions you should be pondering and thinking about before you take the plunge and decide to sleep train

4 questions:

1. How do I feel about crying?
2. Am I ready to get less sleep temporarily?
3. Do I have support? If not, how can I get my partner on board?
4. Can I commit to several weeks of making sleep my number 1 priority?

Related links:

Free 15 minute consult: allthesleeps.com/15minconsult

Newborn Sleep Resource Page: allthesleeps.com/newborn-sleep-help

Baby Sleep Resource Page: allthesleeps.com/baby-sleep-help

Toddler & Preschooler Sleep Resource Page: allthesleeps.com/toddler-preschooler-sleep-help

Click here for a quick link to your desired podcast app

Questions before sleep training

Hey Mama! This is Carianna here with your podcast episode today. And the very first thing I want to say before I forget, I'm worried I'm going to forget. This is our second to last episode in Season One, so I'm really excited that we have almost made it a whole season that we're going to take a break for the holidays, and then we'll be back for season two in 2022. But what I wanted to ask of you is, if you've been listening, please send me a DM at all the sleeps or if you're not on Instagram, send me an email, sleep at all the sleeps calm and just let me know what topics you would be looking forward to for season two because Kayla and I are going to start gearing up and getting ready for season two soon, so I would love to hear any feedback from you, and I'm just so glad that you've joined us for this season one. Now don't miss next week's episode which will be the last episode of season one, and we are going to talk about daylight saving time so you definitely do not want to miss that one. Now, on to today's topic, so we're going to talk about four questions to ponder before sleep training, and what I can tell you is I do lots and lots of free 15 minute calls with families before they decide to work with me, so it gives us a good chance to talk about their sleep situation and where they're at, talk about their goals that they want to achieve where they would like to be at. I'm able to answer questions for them about my services and courses that I offer, and then, time after time after time, the same common questions come up that parents usually have before they've decided to sleep train. So I thought, You know what, Let's make a podcast episode out of this because I know these are questions that so many families have, and I would just love to answer them for you. So let's talk about these four questions. So the first question I would like you to ponder before you decide if you're ready for sleep training is, how do you feel about crying. Okay. Because crying is naturally, something that's going to be a part of this process. Every child is different and how much crying, could be a little, it could be a lot. But what we really need to do is get serious about how do you feel about crying, maybe think through why you feel the way you do like when crying stresses you out or freaks you out. What are what's going on in your brain that's making you feel like this is the end of the world. But apart from that, just looking at how you feel about crying is understanding that crying is a part of the process and what I always tell families is that crying, is how your child communicates right and since we are going to be making changes. If we sleep train. It's natural that your child is going to have feelings about that that they're going to be frustrated that they're going to struggle. These are not in and of themselves, bad things, but the crying is how they're communicating that frustration and communicating that struggle. And what I also want you to know is that even though there's going to be crying, you can choose to be as hands on, or as hands off as you'd like to be. So the method you choose itself is not going to mean no crying, I am not a fan of the no cry marketing, I think that that is just baloney. Honestly, I think it's misleading I think it's even a little deceitful on some levels because kids cry. And I can't promise you that your kid won't cry during sleep training, I also can't promise you that your kid won't cry for any number of reasons. So, I'm not a big fan of pushing this like, oh no cry no cry, but I am a huge fan of finding the method that works for your family so if that means you are very hands on, you're right there next to the crib the whole time you're touching you're comforting you're talking to them. That's okay if that's the route you choose to go and I've seen that be very successful. On the other hand if you're someone who wants to leave the room and do checks, or if you just want to leave the room completely if that's where you're comfortable. I'm comfortable there as well so that's what I would say quite ponder how you feel about crying, and then accepting that crying is part of the process, and knowing that you have the option to choose how you're going to manage with the crime. Second question that I want you to ponder. Am I ready to get less sleep, temporarily, this is something that sometimes we don't think all the way through. But even though you may feel right now like your sleep situation is terrible and you're up a lot and you're just losing your mind or maybe you're feeling that way during the day, you can't set your child down when you make the decision to sleep tracking it is temporarily going to get worse before it gets better, and we get to the other side so that may mean, it's going to take longer for them to go down at bedtime, they may be up more frequently at night, they may spend more time awake at their night wakings their stretches at night may shorten before they get longer during the day naps are going to be an even harder process than they are right now, so just kind of accepting that that is the territory that comes with sleep training, and understanding that it's going to happen, and that's okay. It doesn't mean we have to stay stuck where we are right now, but I also don't want you to be blindsided when I know you already feel exhausted, and for a while you're gonna feel even more exhausted, until your child gets into the new rhythm and interrupting this episode is super quick, because I want to make sure you know that I have a sleep coaching Crash Course. If you're struggling with Night Waking short naps, early mornings, or you're just spending way too much time trying to get your baby to sleep. This course is for you. I walk you through step by step process all the information you need to successfully sleep coach your little one. So if you're ready for a positive sleep change, but it all seems too overwhelming, go check the description below. Okay, let's get back to the episode now.

Third question that I want you to ponder is, do I have support. And if I don't have support during this process, how can I get my partner on board. Okay, so if you are single, grab a friend and maybe your friend isn't going to stay with you while you sleep train, but somebody important in your life friend or family member who knows your sleep training, who is supportive of your decision, and who you can be texting through the process, and, you know, kind of a shoulder to cry on, ask them to be your cheerleader, have someone like that. Now if you have a partner, then you really need that partner on board with you especially if your partner is present at all during the night, waking up during the day. Because what we don't want is a partner who is not on board, and who is second guessing everything you're doing, telling you not to do it. You know who's undermining the work you do. So make sure that you're on board, and hopefully I don't offend anyone with this but I tell families a lot because oftentimes I will work with families, or talk to families before we work together, who one parent really really wants to do this because they are just dying with their current sleep situation, the other parent isn't very affected by the sleep situation, and they're like, Oh, we're not sleep training we don't need to sleep train, If that's your situation, I would encourage you to tag your partner in for the night wakings for getting the child down for the NAPS wherever the problem area is start tagging them in more, and once they understand how difficult the situation is for you, they're going to be a lot more agreeable to make changes, but if they're just sleeping all night. Their sleep is fairly uninterrupted, they're not going to understand that Sleep Train is your next step. Okay, so get them on your team get them on board. See if you can get them to experience what you were experiencing so they understand the other just extra thing I would tack on to the end there is even if you do have support whether that's family, friends, partner. Sometimes families do need that extra outside professional support and that's okay if that's where you find yourself. I will tell you from my own experience with my first son, we DIY did, and we were great with my second son, DIY, it was not going to cut it, and I needed a professional outside perspective and help. And so I totally get both sides of it. Just to refresh you guys, I offer various one on one services, where I put together plans specifically for a family, we have a call to talk through things, then we either have, you know, two days of email support or two weeks of email support, depending on what level of support you feel that you need to be successful and I am not at all, one that's going to push one or the other on you. I really leave it up to parents and I say, what do you feel like you need to be successful, and does that fit in your budget. And then on the other end of the spectrum, I do have more of a DIY course where families can take all the information in at their own pace, when it works for them, and then start implementing my day by day plan so if you feel like you need more support, whether it's the high end of support or the low end of support, I want you to know those options are available and those are things that I love, offering to families, I'll put a link in the show notes to those various offers so you can check them out if you'd like to. Alright, last question that you need to ponder before sleep training before deciding to sleep train, can I commit, several weeks to make Sleep, my number one priority. So look at your schedule, are you thinking about starting sleep training tonight, but then this weekend, you have two nights, you're going to be gone and your child's going to be way off schedule or with a different caregiver. Okay, so you have to figure out where you can fit it best and it may not be perfect, because some of us, rarely have two weeks where there's absolutely nothing going on, but you want to pick the best possible time to sleep train so that you are setting your child up for success, and maybe you'll get through the process, and things are going great, well before two weeks. That would be awesome. Maybe it takes a little longer than two weeks, but you want to have a plan, set up for success, so that you aren't, training, and then traveling for a week and then coming back home and feeling like you're starting from scratch again okay we want them to have time to learn the new skills, to have consistency to have their nap schedule honored to not be keeping them up late to not have visitors where we feel like we can't actually follow our plan to not be traveling so they're sleeping in a weird random place, we really really need to make sure we're setting them up for success, if we're going to go through that sleep training process. So, look at your schedule look out two weeks, maybe three to four before you decide when your start date is. Okay. Alright, so those are the four main questions honestly I could throw a fifth one in there, which is just, okay, now how do I sleep train, I don't know how to do this. But as I'm sure you guys know that is way too much for one podcast episode, but if you are interested in getting more help with the sleep training process and you want to know more about the various services and courses I offer, again I will link those in the show notes for you guys, and I'm so glad that you guys were listening, if you tuned in today, would you just take a moment to either head to Apple podcasts, and just drop a quick little review rate and review. Make sure that you are following this podcast if you aren't already. And if you really appreciated this, I would love to see you screenshot this and share it in your stories and just tell more people about this podcast because more and more people are finding it and it makes me so excited that we can spread the sleep info. This practical advice with as many families as possible so thank you so much for being a part of this dream of mine.

Questions before sleep training

Please don't hear me say you HAVE to sleep train. That's not the point of this post.  I just want to make sure you know that if you CHOOSE to sleep train, the research is on our side. 

 

We have lots of studies on sleep training, it's effectiveness and its outcomes. Could we use more studies? Sure! We can always use more information! But the info we DO have paints a good picture.

 

AND there is zero evidence that sleep training causes any amount of harm. ZERO. 

Read on to see what the research says about the following areas:

Effectiveness

Does sleep training even work? No doubt you've wondered this and maybe you've even heard that it doesn't work most of the time!

A review of 52 different studies on behavioral interventions for sleep issues was conducted. This review pulled all the data together from these separate studies and found that 94% of them reported significant improvements in infant & child sleep. The conclusion drawn was this was that "behavioral approaches produce reliable & durable changes in bedtime problems & night wakings."

So yes, sleep training does work and IS effective if you are dealing with sleep issues.

Child Benefits

Isn't sleep training kind of selfish? Maybe you've wondered this before. Apart from the obvious benefits of better sleep, we have data from 13 studies that measured daytime behavior in babies & children after sleep intervention.

This data paints a pretty great picture for children who undergo sleep training. Infants who participated in sleep interventions were found to be more secure, predictable, less irritable, and to cry and fuss less following treatment. Parents of older children reported improvements in their children's daytime behavior after participation.

Also important to note is that mothers indicated that sleep interventions had no effect on maintaining the practice of breast feeding or an infant's total daily fluid intake.

So the resounding answer is... sleep training is not done for purely selfish reasons! Your child can benefit as well!

Parental Benefits

We've seen that sleep training is not inherently selfish but let's be honest. You need and deserve sleep too! So even if you've got a bubbly & happy baby who doesn't seem to be bothered by broken sleep, that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't sleep train.

A review of 12 studies that measured parental outcomes after sleep intervention found remarkably consistent results across all studies. Parents exhibited rapid and dramatic improvements in their own mental health status, reporting fewer symptoms of depression, increased sense of parenting efficacy, enhanced marital satisfaction, and reduced parenting stress.

I'd say sleep training looks like a win for parents as well!

sleep training research

Long Term Impacts

Ok, I know what you're thinking.... you saw this article once online that stated that sleep training was damaging for babies and would have negative, long term effects. However, I can assure you that there is ZERO evidence of long term harm when sleep training is used. Seriously. The next time you see a claim like that, look for a link to peer-reviewed research. There won't be one.

This Australian study used 225 families to conduct a randomized trial (the gold standard of study design). Roughly half of the families used sleep interventions while the other half did not (the control group). 5 years later the families answered questionnaires, gave cortisol samples, and experienced a 40-60 minute home visit with researchers.

Between the group that used sleep training interventions and the group that did not, there were no significant differences in any outcomes, including emotional stability, conduct behavior, stress, parent-child closeness, conflict, parent-child attachment, or attachment in general.

The researchers concluded that behavioral sleep techniques have no marked long-lasting effects (positive or negative). Parents and health professionals can confidently use these techniques to reduce the short- to medium-term burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression.

 

So there's the research! I encourage you to follow the links I've provided and do your own reading and digging. Don't feel like you must blindly take my word for it! And if this post helped you out, would you consider sharing it? There's so much mom shaming and fear mongering around sleep training and I'd love to do my part to dispel some of that.

Related blog that you might find interesting:

Sleep Myth: Sleep training is damaging

 

sleep training research