Do you and baby need a sleep change? As a parent, it's not uncommon to hit a rough patch when it comes to sleep. If you’re noticing some unusual behaviors in your baby or feeling more exhausted than usual, it might be time for a change. Here are four signs that you and your little one need to reassess your sleep strategies:

 

Sign #1: Fighting falling asleep

Does your baby seem to resist sleep more than ever? If they’re fighting the act of falling asleep, it’s a sign that their current sleep habits may no longer be working. Babies who lack independent sleep skills often feel like they need your help to fall asleep. This reliance can lead to frustration, both for you and them, especially as they grow older. Your attempts to help them might have actually become too stimulating, making it even harder for them to settle down. If your child is resisting against you, this is a big sign that they are showing you they need more independence- not more help.

Little ones who are taught to fall asleep on their own in their cribs no longer feel the need to fight falling asleep or get overstimulated by your assistance. They learn to become comfortable in their boring, sleep environment and regulate their own sleep needs.

 

Sign #2: Frequent night wakings

Night wakings are a normal part of sleep for all humans, but if your baby wakes frequently during the night, it’s crucial to assess why. Without the tools to resettle back to sleep on their own, your baby may end up fully waking, crying out for you, and needing help to get back to sleep. Imagine how frustrating that is for them! This cycle can leave both of you feeling worn out.

Sometimes babies may wake frequently but easily fall back asleep once you tend to them. These wakings, while not necessarily taxing on your little can add up for them throughout the night, depriving them of precious sleep. These wakings are obviously a lot harder on you because you may not be able to fall right back to sleep as soon as your baby does. Others may wake and then have  a really hard time going back down- even with help from you. This could look like not being able to be transferred back to their crib without popping awake again or just treating night wakings like playtime and being ready to party!

Children who have independent sleep skills are able to fall asleep on their own, will still have night wakings- they may still need a night feed! But you will know that their wakings are for an actual need (feeding, sickness, etc.) and not just because they are awake and don't know how to fall back asleep.

 

Sign #3: Short naps

Are you finding that your baby’s naps are disappointingly short? If you feel like you spend an obscene amount of time trying to get them down for a nap, only to have them wake shortly after, it’s a sign that something needs to change. Some parents find themselves resorting to contact napping just to get any sleep at all, which can be exhausting and leave you feeling trapped every single day. Or maybe your little one will take a nice long nap but it requires a ton of work up front to actually get them asleep and successfully transfer them. If you've got another little one at home, this can feel even more overwhelming as you're trying to navigate caring for multiple children.

Children who are independent sleepers have the tools in their toolbox to lengthen their naps. When they get through one sleep cycle (roughly 30-45 minutes) they are able to resettle and continue into the next sleep cycle on their own, leading to 1-2 hour naps throughout the day!

 

Sign #4: Generally tired and crabby during the day

If both you and your baby are feeling tired and cranky during the day, it’s time to acknowledge that your current sleep situation isn’t working. It’s important to remember that this isn’t a reflection of your abilities as a parent or a sign that you’re doing anything wrong. It simply means that the habits you’ve built around sleep are no longer serving you.

When you pass the baton to your little one and teach them how to regulate their own sleep instead of being 100% reliant on you, they will learn to get the sleep they need (and that means you get the sleep you need as well)!

 

Ready for a change?

If you’re nodding your head in agreement and thinking, “Yes, that’s me!”—it might be time to reach out for support. Having a clear plan can make all the difference, and working with a sleep coach can help you feel more confident and calm throughout the process.

With the Classic Consultation you can get accessible sleep help to confidently sleep train without all the second guessing! Imagine doing your bedtime routine, kissing your baby goodnight, walking out of the room + knowing that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

 

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Classic Consultation today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-plan

Recently, I had a call with a mom and she expressed to me that if we worked together, her husband wouldn't be available to help with night wakings because he had to go to work during the day and she didn't- she just stayed home with the kids. Plus she had been handling all the night wakings to this point because she exclusively breastfed so there was nothing her husband could do anyways. 

 

This mom was also *drowning* in sleeplessness and desperately in need of help. She spent much of the conversation on the verge of tears because of her sleep deprivation and how much she felt she was failing as a new mother.

 

I wish I could say that this was a first for me but unfortunately I talk to moms who feel this exhausted and frustrated and without help all the time. 

 

I want to share my tips for how your non-nursing partner can help with night wakings but first, I think we need to talk about the fact that this goes way beyond breastfeeding. Even among families who use formula, there is an overwhelming number of stay at homes who “just” stay home with the kids so they become the default night parent.

 

Furthermore, there are plenty of working moms who also find themselves in the position of being the default nighttime parent simply because they are women.

So yeah. I have a little soapbox I need to get on for a quick moment, and then we will proceed with the tips below:

First off, let me lead with this (so I'm not misunderstood and so I don't come across as judgmental) ⤵️

 

👉If you and your partner have communicated and decided on a night solution that works for both parties, then it's not a problem if one parent is in charge of most night wakings.

*Full disclosure, when my second son was a newborn, I was in charge of night wakings and my husband slept in another room for a bit.*

But here's why it worked:
✨I wasn't drowning in sleeplessness. Was I tired, yes. Was I at the end of my rope at that time? Not even close.
✨ We talked about it. If I had not been comfortable with that set up, I would have objected and we would have come up with a different plan.
✨ It wasn't assumed that just because I was a stay at home, I should be the one in charge of night wakings. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Stay at home moms, I need you to hear this: Staying home with the kids and keeping them alive and thriving is a FULL👏TIME👏JOB. Your partner working out of the house all day is not an excuse, in and of itself, to leave the nighttime parenting all on your shoulders! Full. Stop.

 

Working moms, I need you to hear this: Being on shift all day AND all night does not have to be your default! Your partner can help with nights too. I don’t care if they have to be up early for work or if they stay up too late working. They can handle night wakings too.

We cannot be afraid to open communication with our significant others and get help. Parenting doesn’t have to be a perfect 50/50 split but roles DO need to be discussed and understood and compromised and appreciated.

Maybe they don't know how much you're drowning. Maybe experiencing a night or two of what you're going through would incentivize them to help you form a plan for better sleep. 🤷‍♀️ But let's stop taking it upon ourselves to be the martyrs without asking (or demanding if it comes to that) help from our partners.

👉Also, I'll throw this in because it's a thought in my head as well... I am breaking generational cycles that have been passed down. Where the women are expected to do all the parenting and the men are expected to bring home a paycheck. I am *SO* happy that my boys will grow up seeing that their Dad is just as much their caregiver as I am. 💗

 

Anyways! Onto the tips for ways non-nursing partners can help you with night wakings…

Being a nursing mother does not have to mean you’re handling all the night wakes without help.

 

Tip #1 Split shifts at night

Typically babies can go their longest stretches of sleep in the first half of the night. So have the non-nursing partner take the first shift and handle any wakings. Then the nursing mom can be on shift for the second half of the night. You can even split things up more and have the non-nursing partner back on shift in the early am when baby might just need to be held/rocked to sleep an extra hour or so and let the nursing mom sleep in.

 

Tip #2 Split night waking duties

When baby wakes for a feed, the nursing mom can go tend to baby and feed it. Then, if the baby struggles to go back down right away, the non-nursing parent can tap in at that point and stay up until baby is asleep. This can really help the nursing mom cut down on her awake time during the night, especially if your child has trouble going back to sleep after feedings.

 

Tip #3 Opposite night waking duty split

When baby wakes for a feed, the non-nursing parent can go get the baby, change diaper if necessary, and bring the baby to mom. This will give mom a chance to set up for the feeding or spend a few extra precious minutes resting before breastfeeding.

 

Tip #4 Non-feeding wakings handled by non-nursing partner

Some babies will wake often at night, but it’s more of a habit/lack of independent sleep skill issue than a hunger issue. In these wakings, where the baby doesn’t nutritionally need a feed, the non-nursing parent can handle 100% of these. The nursing mom really only needs to be involved when the waking is out of hunger. Pro-tip: start this from a young age! It’s not unusual for babies to develop preferences to nurse/pacify back to sleep but if the non-nursing partner is handling half the wakings, it really helps to avoid this. Babies who are used to only being settled by mom and nursing, will struggle to accept comfort from the other parent. This is something you have to work at so mom doesn’t become a human pacifier.

 

Tip #5 When other children are involved...

The non-nursing parent can be in charge of any other children who are regularly waking or randomly waking at night. Depending on how you decide to split up duties, the non-nursing parent may also be in charge of bedtime for other children and handling early morning wakings as well. Like the last tip, this isn’t something that will come easily or naturally if you haven’t implemented it from day 1. But I promise you, it is worth it! Your kids deserve to see that both parents can tend to them and care for them and love them. And the nursing mom deserves to have a partner that is willing to put in the effort and help her!

 

Moms, if you're struggling with your own sleep, check out this podcast episode I recorded last year. Episode 27. Ten sleep tips for moms.

 

Do you find yourself offering your baby a feed every time they wake up at night, even though they have shown that they can go longer without one? This may be a sign that your baby is experiencing reverse cycling.

Reverse cycling is a term used to describe when a baby starts waking more frequently at night, for various reasons such as sleep regression, teething discomfort, new skill development, or needing a schedule tweak. (I see this occur a lot right around the 4 month sleep regression especially!)

As a result, parents tend to offer a feed at each waking, even when their baby has shown that they can go longer without one. This can lead to a weird distribution of calories, with the baby eating more at night and less during the day. It can also result in more difficult day feeds due to a lack of hunger and distraction.

 

If you find your baby stuck in reverse cycling, here are some tips to break out of it gradually:

+ Be sure that you are not using a feed to initially get baby to sleep at bedtime. How they fall asleep is often how they will expect to fall back asleep when they inevitably wake at night.

 

+ Start to gradually decrease the amount you offer overnight. You can decrease the number of ounces or minutes of nursing at each overnight feed.

 

+ Or you can hold off on a feed and help your child get back to sleep in a different way (holding, rocking, patting, etc).

 

+ In addition, you could try sleep training to give your child the skills they need to re-settle themselves back to sleep instead of being reliant on a feeding to fall asleep.

 

+ Most of all, it's important to understand that you cannot break out of this cycle by just offering an un-hungry baby more food during the day. You must also start to slowly decrease the amount of feeding at night too.

 

If you are not currently experiencing your baby reverse cycling but are worried about getting stuck in it in the future, here are some preemptive steps you can take:

+ Pay attention to what your baby is capable of as far as night feeds go, and hold them to it.

 

+ If you have an off night or go through a regression, avoid adding in extra night feeds that your baby has shown they do not need.

 

+ Teaching independent sleep skills is another great way to help your child handle their night wakings without needing intervention from you. This teaches them to regulate their own sleep instead of being dependent on you to do it for them.

 

In conclusion, if your baby is experiencing reverse cycling, it is important to take gradual steps to break out of the cycle. By decreasing the amount of feeding at night and teaching independent sleep skills, you can help your baby get back on track with their sleep and feeding schedule.

Need more help navigating this process? I help tired moms who are overwhelmed by conflicting sleep advice to confidently sleep train. And I do it by providing a sleep training course that is clear, concise, and affordable. Check out my Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies here.

In this latest episode Carianna answers your baby sleep questions! To leave your own question to be answered on a future episode, use this link: https://www.speakpipe.com/sleeptalkingmoms

We cover everything from dropping night feeds and the swaddle to tackling early wakings!

Early waking mini course

Sleep coaching crash course

Everything page

Click here for a quick link to your desired podcast app

Episode 10: Baby sleep question & answer

Baby sleep question & answer Welcome to the sleep talking moms podcast, my name is Carianna, and today's episode is going to be just slightly different. Kayla won't be joining us but I am going to be answering some questions from you guys as the listeners, so I'm really excited to tackle some of these burning questions that you have,
Baby sleep question & answer My name is Katie and I have a seven month old. He can put himself to sleep independently we used cried out for sleep training. And, but he still wakes up ones in the middle of the night sometimes twice to eat. He's big enough that he should be able to sleep through the night, but I'm not sure what to do to encourage him to do that, we dream feed him once, but often he wakes up, and then now that he's used to eating men so he'll wake up once, or you go to bed and then usually one more time in the night. Anyway, so any advice on how to help them with that would be great. Thanks so much. All right, Katie, I'm so excited to be answering this question so first what I would say always, when you're thinking about dropping night feeds just talk to your pediatrician, make sure they're on board. Make sure there are no weight gain concerns, you're right that at seven months I would guess he could go all night without a feed but we do want to just kind of get that blessing from your pediatrician. But once you've done that, I would recommend since it's one feeding that's more of a dream feed, before you go to bed yourself. That is where I would start I would cut that one out first. And if he's getting like a significant amount like if it's you know five plus ounces at that feeding. First I would drop it down slowly, so maybe drop it down by an ounce or two every couple of nights so that he's getting less and we're encouraging him to make up those ounces then during the day, if he needs those ounces so I was slowly cut back on how much you're offering for that first feed. And then on the night that you decide you're going to cut it out. I would either, you know have a sleep coaching method that you're going to respond with, so maybe you're checking in on him. Maybe you're soothing him, maybe you're using cried out again I know that you did that before I felt comfortable with that. So that is a valid option as well. If you want to use it. But basically, we're going to just stop responding with the feed we may respond in different ways but we're not going to offer that feed and push him until that time of his typical second feeding, if he has one. So I would do that step first. Once you're there, then I would do the same thing with that second feed I would decrease it. If he's getting a significant amount. And then once you decide you're going to take it away altogether respond differently maybe you're checking on and maybe you're offering soothing, maybe you're staying out of the room completely, but that's how I would do it I would tackle the dream feed first, And then I would tackle the second one. All right, good luck, Katie.
Baby sleep question & answer Hey there. So my question has to do with, dropping the swaddle. My little one loves to be swaddled. And we tried a few times to drop it, and it's just been an absolute disaster. So my question is, when you go to drop the swaddle. Is it best to start at bedtime or naptime, and we've tried doing the one arm out. I mean nothing works literally nothing works we've tried, I feel like I've tried everything. So I'm the man just going cold turkey and embracing the chaos. Is there an amount of crying, that is, would be considered normal. With this change, and about how long will it take for her to adjust. She is almost four months old. Alright, thank you for your question Gabrielle, okay so first off first question you asked was about better to drop it. Naps or bedtime. I always recommend when we're anytime we're making big changes, whether it's a swaddle or transitioning to a different room or from bassinet to crib or sleep training that we start at bedtime because that night, we have that surge of melatonin, that's helping us sleep, we don't have that during the day, so it's normal for naps to just naturally be a little harder. Now I know that at the same time like knowing that science. It's also can be a little more painful if we drop it at night because night is when we want to get our uninterrupted sleep right and so if you are being interrupted. It's annoying, but your child will pick it up, smoother if you drop it at night so I would do night first. And given that she is almost four months, We really do want to get her out of the swaddle. You know as quick as possible. We don't want there to be any potential for her to accidentally roll in that swaddle and get stuck with her arms, you know, type in at her side so I would do it at night, and then I would honestly, maybe the next day. Also remove it from nap one if you want to remove it from all naps the next day you can. That might be what I recommend just based on her age since she is older, but if you want to take it a little slower and do nap one for a couple days and then remove it from nap one and nap two for a couple days and so on. You can stretch out a little bit longer but I liked your idea to just kind of embrace the chaos, and to do both arms out, I think at that age, that is very very reasonable to do if she was a lot younger, we may want to use more of a transitional product or do one arm at a time but at this age. I agree, I would just let both arms be free and just know that it's gonna take her some time to adjust that's really normal that's all she's known for almost four months. So really just be patient and know that sleep may be a disaster for a week or two. That's okay because we need to get her out of that swaddle. And we need to get to the other side of this process so push through, even though it may be rough. When you asked about how much crying, I would say it really depends on what you feel comfortable with, and what I maybe don't know about your situation exactly is, if she's already an independent sleeper, or if you help her to sleep. You know that's going to play into this too obviously if you help her to sleep. We're not going to expect her to put herself back to sleep, multiple times at night, if she's not already doing that, but if she does have those skills then we are going to expect a little more from her so if she's an independent sleeper, I would have kind of a plan in place of how often are we going to go in and check on there, how long are we going to spend in the room, offering soothing, whether she accepts it or not but offering that soothing, how long are we going to spend doing that and basically just have it real clear so you and if your partner's doing it with you, you're on the same page and you're not trying to make decisions in the middle of the night because that's a lot of times where we go wrong, we think, Oh, this will be smooth or we don't talk about it beforehand and then it gets rough in the middle of the night, and we're not ready for it. We don't have a plan and we end up like kind of stalling out and and getting stuck. So definitely make a plan of action for what you guys feel comfortable with, and what you are going to want to move forward with there. And I think that was all I think that was all you asked. So, good luck. Yes, just know I would settle in for one to two weeks. You shouldn't be up, you know, all night for one to two weeks but it may take two weeks for sleep to really settle back in to where it was before you dropped the swaddle. Okay, Hang in there.
Baby sleep question & answer I carry on. After doing SQL. We seem to be making progress with night, weekend. But he still wakes around sometimes he wakes from 430 for feed which is great. Sometimes he goes back down. After that for another two hours. Sometimes he then wakes up the day. So how to address the early morning, weekend, when the rest of the night, has been great. Thank you. Okay, awesome. I'm so glad to answer this question to you, this is one of my sleep, coaching, Crash Course students, so she's been following along with my course and the day by day plan, and sounds like night wakings are improving, we're just kind of hung up on those early morning wakings first I just want to encourage you, That's really normal. I feel like it typically early wakings are kind of the last piece to fall into place so that's not unusual. What I don't know what this Kareena is how old your little one is. I know you mentioned like waking around 430 and having a night feed sometimes then he'll go back down sometimes he won't. That night, feeding, I mean, if that is age appropriate and everything, then I would still keep doing that. And then I would be putting him back in his sleep space, and since I know that you are working on independent sleep that he's falling asleep on his own already. Then I would be kind of giving him that space using the sleep coaching method that you have picked I know my course walks you through several options. So using the, the method that you have picked and applying that for that early waking until either he falls back asleep, or until it's our designated morning wake up time, so and I would just continue to do that morning after morning, making sure your environment is ideal, you know, making sure that that's all in place that nothing is waking him up at that time, but those times that he has a feed and can't fall back asleep. We want to be giving him the practice to do that keeping him in his dark sleep space so his brain doesn't think oh it's light, it's time to be awake, and it will just take some time of consistently doing that over and over for his body to really get into that rhythm of sleeping and later so stay strong with what you've been doing and try those things out if you haven't already been trying them. Alright, and that leads me into a perfect segue you guys, I have, that's the last question I'm going to answer but I did want to let you know, just over the weekend, my early waking mini course went live.
Baby sleep question & answerAnd so if that's something you're struggling with if you're struggling with early wakings. This is a great affordable very affordable mini course option to walk you through the culprits behind early wakings and give you some tools so you know how to address the early wakings what you can do to combat them. And this of course is ideal if your little one falls asleep on their own, already, if they don't fall asleep on their own already, then you would be better suited to like my newborn sleep course or my sleep coaching Crash Course, that is for four to 24 months or my toddler and preschooler sleep course, those are more for building that independent sleep piece, if you don't already have it. But if you have an independent sleeper and you're just struggling with early wakings, definitely check out that early waking mini course, I will put the link in the show notes below. All right, Thank you guys for joining me. I'm really excited that we got to do some q&a is, and I'll actually drop a link in the show notes so if you want to leave a q&a for me if you want to leave a verbal question I can answer it on a future episode for you. Baby sleep question & answer Have a great day.

Most parents survive the newborn phase fairly easily, with all its sleeplessness and on-demand feedings. (Don't get me wrong, it's still rough but we expect that with a newborn!) But after 6-12 months of interrupted sleep it can really start to wear on you!

 

 

This is the time that I hear from a lot of parents because they don't feel like they can continue functioning at their current level of sleep deprivation much longer. One of the most common questions that comes my way is:

 

How do I know if my baby still needs a feeding overnight?

First, let's talk about generalities. By around 6 months of age, many healthy babies will be able to go all night without a feed.

This is true for a couple of different reasons (introduction of solids during the day and increased efficiency during daytime feeds) but what it comes down to is that your baby is now capable of consuming all his necessary calories during his waking hours.

Of course, if we are making generalizations, your baby may not fall within this 'normal' range and that's OK. I am not advising every parent of a 6 month old to stop feeding them overnight regardless of their unique situation.

That is a very personal decision, and it needs to be one that Mom, Dad, and their pediatrician make, not me. However, if you are wondering if your 7 month old is capable of going all night without a feed, the answer is most likely yes.

Need more help navigating this process? I help tired moms who are overwhelmed by conflicting sleep advice to confidently sleep train. And I do it by providing affordable, personalized, and experienced sleep support. Start here by scheduling a free call.

 

 

What's a dream feed? Should you do it? When should you try a dream feed? When should you stop dream feeding? How do you get rid of a dream feed? I'm tackling all of your questions about dream feeds in this post. 

What is a dream feed?

A dream feed is when you go to your baby a couple hours after their bedtime and rouse them enough to feed them. After this feeding you lay them back down to continue sleeping. The ultimate goal of the dream feed is to sync up your baby's longest stretch of sleep with Mom or Dad's first stretch of sleep.

For example: If your baby goes to bed at 8pm but you don't head to bed until 10:30pm, it would make sense that you wake them at 10:30pm to feed them and help them "tank up." Then they will (ideally) sleep a good long stretch and that will give you a good long stretch of sleep too!

When can you start to dream feed?

I recommend using a dream feed with newborns. Once your newborn and you get home from the hospital and start to get into a nice rhythm (I find this typically happens around week 4) this is a great time to introduce the dream feed. Now, if you are a parent who follows your newborn to bed at 8pm OR if your newborn won't go down for the night until 11pm anyways, then a dream feed won't do you much good!

If you do attempt to introduce a dream feed, I encourage you to give it a try consistently for 1 week before deciding if it's helpful or not. If you do a dream feed but your newborn is still up 2-3 hours later, then it might not be worth the hassle.

When should you stop dream feeding?

I don't introduce dream feeds past 4 months of age. Now, if your baby is over 4 months of age, still using a dream feed, and sleeping great at night, keep using it! But if you are using a dream feed and your baby is still waking frequently overnight, it's time to get rid of it and address any sleep associations that could be occurring.

The reason I like to get rid of the dream feed around 4 months is due to your baby's sleep cycles. At night, your baby's deepest and more restorative sleep happens between around 7pm and midnight or 1am. If we are disrupting sleep right in the middle of that, it could be negatively affecting your baby's ability to get the restorative sleep they need.

Also, if the dream feed is not helping your 4+ month old baby to stretch their next feeding until 2am or later, then it's really not doing its job. It's likely that an underlying sleep association (feeding, rocking, holding to sleep) is responsible for your baby's frequent night wakings and that's where you should focus your efforts instead.

How do I get rid of a dream feed?

If you've successfully used a dream feed but decide you are ready to get rid of it, I suggest gradually decreasing the length or amount of feeding over time. For example: If you bottle feed 5 oz at the dream feed, drop down to 4 oz for 2-3 nights, then 3 oz for 2-3 nights, then 2 oz for 2-3 nights. Finally take the feeding away and if your baby happens to wake around that dream feed time, have a sleep coaching method in your back pocket to apply.

If you breastfeed, you would use the same idea but instead track the number of minutes you are currently feeding and gradually decrease that.

Of course, there are a lot of different factors that go into overnight feedings and frequencies so bear that in mind as you make this next step. Make sure you have realistic expectations as well as a plan to follow through with and ALWAYS ask your pediatrician if you are unsure whether your baby should still be getting night feedings.