You want a little sneak peek insight into a few habits that I’ve implemented as a mom (and sleep consultant) that are SO important to me? Because these pieces of gold have changed my life and my kids lives and are TOO valuable not to share with you!

These habits have all been intentional (except the last one which was a silly quirk that turned into an accidental habit) and as a sleep consultant who deals with behaviors, habits, and routines on a daily basis, I fully believe in the power of using such things to our advantage as we parent and decide what is important in our lives.

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Like most things that I share, this what worked well for our family but I fully acknowledge there are many good ways to parent. Here’s your disclaimer not to compare or feel like your intentional parenting choices are better than or less than anyone else's.

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So here are the habits I'm grateful that I've implemented over the last 10 years of parenting...

 

1. Teaching independent sleep (aka sleep training)

This one probably goes without saying but, independent sleep has truly been an integral part of my parenting journey. My sons know how to regulate their own sleep and they feel safe and comfortable doing so. This is something we had to work at by sleep training around  4 months of age with both of my boys and then it became a boundary we had to continue holding over the years (particularly years 3-5 when they were testing lots of boundaries). Just because I'm a sleep consultant and my boys have been sleeping independently since their baby days, that doesn't mean we never have sleep issues pop up. However, our consistency is what keeps us on track every time. Read a little more about why I recommend laying down fully awake for each sleep here.

2. Frequent trips to the library

We often head to the library on a weekly basis to get new books to keep us occupied the next week. It’s not uncommon for us to have 30-40 books checked out at one time. This habit has truly shaped them into avid readers. When my boys were smaller, we would go and play in the place at the library and sit and read together or participate in the free baby and toddler reading times they offered. As they got older we started participating in the summer reading program each year. And now when we go to the library they head off and know exactly where to find the various books they're looking for!

 

3. Set morning wake up times

This time may change depending on if it’s the weekday, weekend, summer, or school year but we are very clear about when the boys can leave their rooms and expect to start their days. We have been intentional about this since they were babies and they didn’t always like this rule but now it’s so ingrained they don’t even think twice about it. We're big fans of the Kidstible lamps to help little ones know when it's time to wake up.

 

4. Daily quiet time

Since my boys stopped napping around 3-5 years, we’ve implemented a daily quiet time when home. This is their time to play, create, read, and rest in their rooms while my husband and I are able to work or rest. This time has been invaluable to my sanity and I recommend it to every family when they are out of the napping stage. Read more about developing a quiet time here.

 

 

5. No tablet use for the boys

We have tried off and on to incorporate tablet time but it always caused an issue and it always became an unquenchable need for more. So on the whole, we don’t do tablet time. We are TV watchers and will watch several hours of TV throughout the week but we are all much happier with that less addictive screen option. My boys never have the expectation to be on the tablet when they are bored, when we are at restaurants, or really anytime we are doing things they aren't big fans of. If this is something you want to learn more about, I highly recommend checking out Dr. Alison Yeung's content on Instagram.

 

6. Bible reading and prayers before bed

Bible reading and prayers before bed. This is a simple routine that we started with them as toddlers. As part of our bedtime routine we read a Bible story and then go around and all say a prayer. My hope is that this will help them to learn how to make Jesus a part of their everyday life- even when they are older.

 

7. Getting a treat for myself without the expectation that they will automatically get one too

This last one will probably seem the weirdest, but I am an ice cream lover so it ended up being a great motto for us. Just because I’m getting a treat, that doesn’t mean the boys get a treat. It also goes the other way. Just because they are getting a treat, it doesn’t mean I get a treat. Because of this understanding we’ve built over the years since they were babies, I am able to go to the drive thru and grab ice cream for myself and they don’t bat an eye!

 

I’d love to hear about a habit you’ve intentionally tried to teach your little ones?

 

 

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Gearing up for your next nap transition? Then this blog is for you!

 

What are signs that I should drop a nap?

First off is age. Transitions work best when they happen at the following ages:

4 to 3 naps at 4 months

3 to 2 naps between 7 and 9 months

2 to 1 naps between 15 and 18 months

1 to 0 naps between 3 and 5 years

 

Secondly, here are some signs once you're within the recommended age range:

1. Unusual night wakings
2. Earlier morning wake ups than usual
3. Inability to fall asleep for some or all naps
4. Waking up happy from short naps
5. Struggling to offer enough awake time between sleeps while also keeping bedtime before 8pm

 

Now, we like to see a pattern with these 5 signs rather than just a random weird night here or there. If things are going well for the most part, then there’s no reason to drop a nap ASAP! 

How do I drop a nap?

4 naps to 3 naps (At 4 months)

This is probably the easiest transition you’ll go through! It will involve moving bedtime quite a bit earlier to account for the lost nap and this can be hard, especially if you’re dealing with short naps (be sure to check out my free guide for short naps!)

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩Start by stretching your wake windows. 

✩Once you’ve maxed out your wake windows at roughly 1.75-2 hours, then it’s time to make the switch and drop nap 4.

✩Bedtime may be after 8pm before the transition and as early as 6pm after the transition, this is okay!

 

3 naps to 2 naps (At 7-9 months)

This transition isn’t quite as easy as 4 to 3 but it’s still fairly straight forward. It can get a bit messier because I find that nap 3 can be pretty elusive as you get closer to this transition. If you find yourself in a pattern of consistently missing nap 3, it might be time!

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩Start by stretching your wake windows.

✩Once you’ve maxed out your wake windows at roughly 2.5-2.75 hours, then it’s time to make the switch and drop nap 3.

✩There may be some flip-flopping between 2 and 3 nap days and that’s okay. But if it persists past 7-10 days, then I’d commit to 2 nap days and push through

✩Again, bedtime will be on the later end right before the transition and then jump to early right after the transition. This gives them the chance to make up for the lost nap and to recover from the longer wake windows

2 naps to 1 nap (At 15-18 months)

This one is the BIG one! Such a big transition for your little one and this transition will take time. Buckle up for 2-4 weeks of transitioning and rougher than usual sleep. The goal with this transition is to be prepared and do it slowly.

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩Hitting 15 months does not mean that you HAVE to transition. If sleep is going fine, then don’t rush it.

✩You’ll start by pushing nap 1 later and later.

✩Once nap 1 is ending late enough, that’s when you’ll cut out the second nap completely.

✩Again, bedtime will be on the later end right before the transition and then jump to early right after the transition. This gives them the chance to make up for the lost nap and to recover from the longer wake windows

 

1 nap to no nap (At 3-5 years)

This is the transition that I find happens more naturally. We REALLY want to keep that nap until at least 3 years of age, so if you find yourself with a 2 year old who is trying to drop their nap, it’s probably more related to limit testing than them being physically ready to drop it. Be sure to check out my blog about Toddler Sleep And Why It Sucks if this is you!

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩For a while you may flip flop between nap days and no nap days, this is totally okay! Go with it!

✩On no nap days, don’t be afraid to pull bedtime earlier to make up for the lack of a nap.

✩On nap days, it’s okay to wake them from their nap in order to make bedtime easier. Ideally we’d want their nap ending by 3pm but you can cut it off earlier if you need to!

✩Even once the nap is gone, you still want to keep a daily quiet time in place. See this post for a more detailed overview of how to introduce quiet time for your preschooler.

 

Hope this was helpful and don’t forget, for children who are independent sleepers already, I offer nap transition calls so that you don’t have to go through this alone!

As I type this post, my 3 and 5 year old are having their daily quiet time in their rooms. When I tell people that my boys have this time daily for about 2 hours, most parents are amazed and ask, “How can I get my child to stay in their room quietly for quiet time each day?!”

 

Not only is quiet time extremely beneficial for kids but it gives moms and dads a much needed mid day break as well. Honestly, I would have lost my sanity quite a while ago without daily quiet time. I’m not going to go into WHY quiet time is important in this post but feel free to do some extra reading if you’d like! 

So let’s talk about some of the specifics of this elusive quiet time.

 

*This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my privacy and disclosure statement for more information.

 

What is quiet time for toddlers and preschoolers?

Quiet time is simply a period of unstructured, calm time for your child. This usually takes place in your child’s room. And is an opportunity for their bodies and brains to rest and slow down once their afternoon nap has gone away. I recommend doing this everyday so that it’s never a fight and your child will grow to expect it.

When should I introduce quiet time for my child?

Ideally, your child would continue napping until at least 3 years of age and then once that nap was disappearing, you would start to introduce quiet time (more on how to do this below). I caution you not to introduce quiet time too early though. If you have a child under 3 who is struggling with naps, be sure to check out my blog on Toddler Sleep. 

Currently my 5 year old still has a daily quiet time and I intend for him to continue it until he starts kindergarten in the fall. Even once he’s in kindergarten, I plan to give him a shorter quiet time since he will be home by 2:40pm. I know he’ll need it even more after a full day of school and business. 

For more info on when your toddler may stop napping, check out this post by Snooze.net: When do toddlers stop napping?

How long should quiet time be?

I like to see quiet time lasting anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours. And I’ll be honest, a lot of days, I push my boys’ time to 3 hours (this is when I get most of my work done)! If quiet time is a brand new concept for your toddler or preschooler, I suggest starting small and working your way up. Start at first with about 15-20 minutes. Then you can gradually increase from there. 

Having a visual way for your child to see how much time is left can be really helpful, especially as they are getting used to this new habit. It will help them visually see how much time has passed and how much time is left. This particular one can be set up to 2 hours but they also make shorter (and cheaper) ones as well!

Another great option to visually show your child when their quiet time is up is the Mella Toddler Clock (save 10% with code: allthesleeps10). It has a built in nap timer that you can set for as little as 15 minutes and up to 3 hours! When the time is up, it turns green and your child knows that quiet time is over!

How should I introduce quiet time?

This is where it can get a little more complicated but I’m going to give you some tips and ideas depending on your current situation.

 

Situation 1:

Your child stopped napping a while ago and you are looking for a way to reintroduce that daily rest and quiet time. If this is you, I’d start small like I mentioned above. Start at 15 minutes a day and gradually increase it until quiet time is 45 minutes to 2 hours long. If you know it will be like pulling teeth to get your child to stay in their room without you, start by staying in the room with them. Take something for yourself to do (book, laptop, laundry, etc) and tell them that it’s quiet time. You don’t have to ignore them but avoid giving in and playing with them or and keep any interaction to a bare minimum.

Once they get more comfortable with that, then you can start excusing yourself to go use the bathroom, wash the dishes, or something else while they stay in their room. If they try to leave their room, be sure to enforce it rather than just letting it slide. That will help them to stop testing those boundaries around quiet time. 

Situation 2:

Your child naps some days but not reliably and you think that you probably aren’t far from naps ending.

If this is you, we still want to keep naps in place as long as your child needs them. But if you notice they are only napping about half the days of the week, you can start to give them quiet time days throughout the week.

Go through the days of the week with your child and let them pick which ones will be nap days and which ones will be quiet time days. If you know they have a busy morning on certain days, try to retain the nap on those afternoons. Save quiet time for your laid back days instead.

By letting your child go through with you and choose, we are giving them some control back and helping them to accept the naps on nap days. Obviously on nap days, we wouldn’t let them have any toys or supplies or in their rooms since we want them napping.

 

Situation 3:

Your child still naps everyday but you want to be as prepared as possible for when those naps start going away.

Yay! If your child is still napping, keep it up! Most 3 year olds still need a nap so you’re doing great. Even if your child runs into a temporary nap strike, keep pushing forward with nap time versus quiet time. Once you’ve had several weeks of nap refusals AND staying consistent, that’s when it’s a sign that you can start to gradually introduce quiet time. 

*Note: If your child was napping everyday previously and suddenly starts resisting every single nap, this is much more likely to be regression or testing related rather than a sign that they don’t need a nap. This is when it’s important to remain consistent around your routines and avoid over-helping to sleep at nap time.

More tips and tricks:

1. Have a quiet time box. Fill it with simple activities that your child can do without your help. If they will need your help to do puzzles, avoid putting those kinds of items in there. This could be things like Legos, blocks, coloring, race cars, books, dolls, stickers etc. 
2. I suggest having a box because it’s easy to transport in and out of their room. This box should be removed for bedtime and if you are keeping naps on some day then the box should be removed those days as well.
3. Keep this box special just for quiet time. Try to avoid letting your child play with these specific items outside of quiet time. This keeps the box of goodies more special and can act as a motivator to look forward to.
4. Be sure that you only provide items to play with that you trust your child with. I allow itty bitty Lego pieces with my boys but that’s because I know they will not be putting them in their mouths. I don’t yet allow my 3 year old to have markers because I’m not entirely sure he won’t draw on the walls! Keep it age-appropriate. 🙂   

 

Personally speaking, I cannot express to you guys how much having a daily quiet time has benefited my boys. My oldest spends the entire time making lego creations, playing pretend in his room, and drawing masterpieces. It is truly a joy to watch the ways he has learned to entertain and grow his mind without my help at all! 

 

My younger son is still newer to quiet time so he’s still figuring things out but he has also grown into playing pretend on his with his race cars and singing lots of songs during his time. 

 

Lastly, it has made such a difference for ME as well! Being a mom of 2 boys while working from home is no easy feat but this daily quiet time gives me the chance to sit down and catch my breath.