Do you and baby need a sleep change? As a parent, it's not uncommon to hit a rough patch when it comes to sleep. If you’re noticing some unusual behaviors in your baby or feeling more exhausted than usual, it might be time for a change. Here are four signs that you and your little one need to reassess your sleep strategies:

 

Sign #1: Fighting falling asleep

Does your baby seem to resist sleep more than ever? If they’re fighting the act of falling asleep, it’s a sign that their current sleep habits may no longer be working. Babies who lack independent sleep skills often feel like they need your help to fall asleep. This reliance can lead to frustration, both for you and them, especially as they grow older. Your attempts to help them might have actually become too stimulating, making it even harder for them to settle down. If your child is resisting against you, this is a big sign that they are showing you they need more independence- not more help.

Little ones who are taught to fall asleep on their own in their cribs no longer feel the need to fight falling asleep or get overstimulated by your assistance. They learn to become comfortable in their boring, sleep environment and regulate their own sleep needs.

 

Sign #2: Frequent night wakings

Night wakings are a normal part of sleep for all humans, but if your baby wakes frequently during the night, it’s crucial to assess why. Without the tools to resettle back to sleep on their own, your baby may end up fully waking, crying out for you, and needing help to get back to sleep. Imagine how frustrating that is for them! This cycle can leave both of you feeling worn out.

Sometimes babies may wake frequently but easily fall back asleep once you tend to them. These wakings, while not necessarily taxing on your little can add up for them throughout the night, depriving them of precious sleep. These wakings are obviously a lot harder on you because you may not be able to fall right back to sleep as soon as your baby does. Others may wake and then have  a really hard time going back down- even with help from you. This could look like not being able to be transferred back to their crib without popping awake again or just treating night wakings like playtime and being ready to party!

Children who have independent sleep skills are able to fall asleep on their own, will still have night wakings- they may still need a night feed! But you will know that their wakings are for an actual need (feeding, sickness, etc.) and not just because they are awake and don't know how to fall back asleep.

 

Sign #3: Short naps

Are you finding that your baby’s naps are disappointingly short? If you feel like you spend an obscene amount of time trying to get them down for a nap, only to have them wake shortly after, it’s a sign that something needs to change. Some parents find themselves resorting to contact napping just to get any sleep at all, which can be exhausting and leave you feeling trapped every single day. Or maybe your little one will take a nice long nap but it requires a ton of work up front to actually get them asleep and successfully transfer them. If you've got another little one at home, this can feel even more overwhelming as you're trying to navigate caring for multiple children.

Children who are independent sleepers have the tools in their toolbox to lengthen their naps. When they get through one sleep cycle (roughly 30-45 minutes) they are able to resettle and continue into the next sleep cycle on their own, leading to 1-2 hour naps throughout the day!

 

Sign #4: Generally tired and crabby during the day

If both you and your baby are feeling tired and cranky during the day, it’s time to acknowledge that your current sleep situation isn’t working. It’s important to remember that this isn’t a reflection of your abilities as a parent or a sign that you’re doing anything wrong. It simply means that the habits you’ve built around sleep are no longer serving you.

When you pass the baton to your little one and teach them how to regulate their own sleep instead of being 100% reliant on you, they will learn to get the sleep they need (and that means you get the sleep you need as well)!

 

Ready for a change?

If you’re nodding your head in agreement and thinking, “Yes, that’s me!”—it might be time to reach out for support. Having a clear plan can make all the difference, and working with a sleep coach can help you feel more confident and calm throughout the process.

With the Classic Consultation you can get accessible sleep help to confidently sleep train without all the second guessing! Imagine doing your bedtime routine, kissing your baby goodnight, walking out of the room + knowing that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

 

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Classic Consultation today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-plan

Have you heard of the 4 month regression? My guess is, if you're reading this blog- you probably have. 🙂

I find parents usually fall into one of two categories:

Either they've heard about the 4 month sleep regression and they've been just waiting for and stressing for when baby's sleep will get worse...

Or they didn't know anything about the 4 month regression until sleep started going downhill.

 

When I was a first time mom, I fell into the second category. I had never heard of the 4 month sleep regression and so when my baby's sleep went from bad to worse at 4 months- I was shocked! After scouring the internet to find out why my baby was waking every 45 minutes at night and why he was suddenly so much harder to get to sleep at night, I stumbled across a blog about the 4 month sleep regression. My eyes were opened and the next stage of my life began! Lol. To read more of my personal sleep story, click here.

In this video and blog post I'll be teaching you what actually happens during the 4 month sleep regression as well as some do's and don'ts for navigating your way through the 4 month sleep regression.

 

 

Don't

Don't assume this regression will happen at exactly 4 months. It can actually start anytime between 3 and 5 months of age. Also, don't assume you might get lucky and "skip" this regression.

 

This 4 month sleep regression is different from other regressions in that it marks a permanent change in your baby's sleep cycles. This means everyone will go through it! The severity of it will be dictated by your baby's current sleep habits, how well rested they are, their temperament and other factors.

 

Do

Do look for these signs that your baby is going through this 4 month sleep regression:

• More frequent night wakings (baby may be waking as often as every 45 minutes during the night)
• Short naps (you may find your baby is waking consistently right at that 30 minute mark- and still tired and crabby)
• Difficulty falling asleep initially (if you used to be able to get your baby to sleep and then transfer them, this may cease to work)

These are all signs that your baby could be hitting their 4 month sleep regression. And obviously with all of these comes frustration and over-tiredness (from you and your baby). That's why this regression can be such a doozy!

 

Don't

Don't add in extra night feeds just because your baby is waking more frequently at night. If your baby has shown you that they are capable of going longer stretches at night without feeding, don't start adding in a bunch more feeds simply because they are waking.

I see parents do this a lot during the 4 month sleep regression. They assume that because baby is waking more, they must be hungry or going through a growth spurt. But what usually ends up happening is what we call reverse cycling.

Baby starts taking in more calories overnight because extra feeds are offered... then baby is more distracted and uninterested in eating during the day... this leads to a hungrier baby at night... and the cycle continues.

Another thing to keep in mind about growth spurts: you will notice an increase in hunger 24/7, not just at night.

 

 

Do

Do give your child space to settle in the night and if they don't start by offering less help and work your way up. We don't want to jump straight to the "big guns" to comfort and soothe if we can help it.

If your baby is waking more frequently in the night because of the 4 month sleep regression and fussing or whining, it's okay to give them space until they become distressed. They may just show you that they can go back down on their own!

If they become distressed and start crying, then I recommend going and offering soothing. It's best to start with the least amount of intervention (soothing words, shushing, your presence) and then work your way to more intervention (patting, rubbing, replacing pacifier, picking up to settle then placing back down again) as needed. If they still need more help to calm down and fall asleep, then you can switch to the most intervention (rocking and holding til asleep).

By working our way through this ladder slowly, we give them lots of chances to practice some independence and we can hopefully avoid adding in a bunch of extra sleep habits that aren't sustainable long term.

P.S. If you've got a newborn, my Newborn Mini Course walks you through how to use this ladder from the start.

 

 

Don't

Don't assume that sleep will magically go back to the way it was before the 4 month sleep regression. As I mentioned earlier, this regression marks a permanent change in your baby's sleep cycles.

They no longer have sleep cycles like a newborn- which is comprised of quiet and active sleep. Instead their sleep is now consisting of 4 different stages and there is more cycling in and out of lighter stages of sleep.

So it's not unusual for the poor sleep that happens with the 4 month sleep regression to continue until parents make some sleep changes. Because of the increase in lighter sleep, your baby just has more potential for wake ups! And with that, your help will be needed more and more often each time they wake.

We can change that by giving them the tools to fall asleep on their own- that way they won't be disturbed and need outside help at each and every waking!

 

Do

Do use this as an opportunity to sleep train your baby and teach them independent sleep skills. If you're struggling with their sleep during the 4 month regression and you're also ready to make a change, now's a great time to sleep train!

I often have parents ask me if they should wait until after the 4 month sleep regression is over before they sleep train, but as we discussed, this sleep regression doesn't "end." It's a permanent change to your baby's sleep cycles so if you are waiting for the regression to "end" and your baby's sleep to get better before you sleep train... you'll be waiting awhile!

 

Feeling overwhelmed?

If you feel like you might be ready to start making sleep changes but you're feeling really overwhelmed about where you can even begin... Here is a link to my scheduler so we can talk through your situation and see if we'd make a good fit to work together.

 

How to have a life with naps... you might be surprised by our advice! We chat about managing expectations for naps on the go, the 80/20 rule, and we give you permission to do whatever works best for you and your family!

 

Relevant product links for napping on the go- https://allthesleeps.com/productsilove/

 

Click here for a quick link to your desired podcast app

Hi everyone and welcome to Sleep Talking Moms. Today we are going to talk about something that I don't know I feel like people get a little riled up about sometimes, but also necessary, very necessary. So yeah, we're going to talk about how to have a life with naps. And you may not like me and Kayla's perspective on this and that is okay. We don't get into this. We're very similar in how we think about this subject. But we know that it is not for everyone and that is 100%. Okay, so if you listen to this and feel like we're psycho, that's that's okay. You don't hurt our feelings. Not at all. And I am kind of sorry that we both came about our how we were gonna handle naps. The same way cuz I would have been much more helpful if one of us was one way or the other was the other but we have open minds about Whichever way you choose to parent just like anything else. So you gotta do it. You got to do absolutely.

 

And I guess just to you know, get the cat out the bag. When it comes to having a life with naps. Me and Kayla err on the side where we would just much rather have good naps and we don't care so much about having a life when our little ones are little and still need lots of naps. So we would 100% Choose sleep and reliable sleep and breaks during the day over being able to go around and do different things and see people and have a social life or have activities. That is that fair. Kayla, would you agree? That is very, very fair. Yes. And if you guys listen to the last episode, you will know that Carianna and I were basically squares our whole life and we sleep so there are a lot of times where we were choosing to not be social because it was a fun time. So we get it honestly. And you know I I know that it gets harder to when you have like when you have more than one child so maybe you have one that's a toddler or older who just has one nap a day at you know one reliable time or maybe they're done napping and then you have the baby who's still on 234 naps and you know, you feel bad like well, I won't be able to take my toddler out and do things I have been there.

 

Okay, well I know your experience has been a little different because that phase for you. With your kids has been during COVID. So you couldn't go anywhere even if you wanted to. Yes, yeah, right. It was kind of a gift. In a weird roundabout way. I'd never like of course, I don't want what's happening to be happening. But to have a little baby and a toddler at the height of the pandemic where we couldn't go anywhere and we were on lockdown. It was like, oh, okay, cool. Well, I guess this is what we're doing. And so our big trips were trips to the farmyard. Which are good trips, good trips. Yeah. Yeah. And when my boys were younger, and Tim was a baby, and Ethan was, you know, in the two to three range. I'm not gonna say that. We never went anywhere for Ethan to do things, but they were pretty few and far between. And I probably waited more until Campbell my younger one was on a to nap schedule. Just because two naps gives you more time in between naps to get an outing and get back home before nap time. So that's kind of our personal experience, but you can absolutely have a toddler and have a baby and do things and still have successful naps. So I don't want you to take away from this, that it's not possible. I do want you to be just kind of cognizant of your individual child because I do find a lot of this is child specific. Some are gonna be super super sensitive to having their nap schedule messed up or to having you know, a nap on the go. They're gonna be really sensitive to that not going to go smoothly. And some parents can just like they know okay, if we have a rough nap day, we're expecting a couple night wakings tonight.

 

So if you find out that that's your kid, it doesn't mean you can't go anywhere but it does mean you're going to want to kind of weigh your options more and decide okay, which is more important to me if I can't have my cake and eat it too. You know, am I gonna choose staying in more to respect these naps or am I gonna choose going out and just accepting you know, the cards I've dealt with because of it. And on the flip side, there are some kids who are so chill and easygoing that they'll have to sign for you on the go if their schedules messed up and they miss an app or two during the day, they're not going to be a rep that night, they're going to be just fine. So you kind of have to experiment a little and get to know your child and know that not all children are the same in this respect. Yes. And we're also kind of giving you guys a free pass to if you feel like I can't handle the stress of not like not going and doing things because my kids sleep schedule is so important. We give you full permission to be a square like if you need that because your stress level is too high juggling all the things that you have to juggle then don't feel like you have to do anything.

 

But also if there are those things that pop up things that you want to do realize that it's you're gonna have a messed up day, and then just resume business as usual. The next and it will it will be okay. Yeah, absolutely. And I have parents a lot ask me, like, if I go out, you know, when we you know, take take my child to the library and we don't get home in time for nap. Is this going to ruin everything and start us back at square one? No, it's not going to ruin everything. Now if I'm specifically working with a family who is going through the sleep training process, I'm going to recommend you don't do those things for a limited period. of time where we are just focused on learning. But after that period of time, you're never going to go all the way back to square one. You may like a well said have a rougher day but it's not going to set you back at zero as far as sleep and every all the routines and habits that you've created for them not gonna start you back at square zero. All right, so like what we've kind of been talking about with like, if you want your cake and eat it too, all of that stuff when it comes to to naps and having a life I've heard of I think I've heard you talk before about the 8020 rule. But what is that?

Yeah, yes, the 8020 rule. And you've probably heard this about other aspects of life too. It's a pretty common phrase. I'm sure our listeners have heard the 8020 rule. When it comes to sleep and naps is 80% of the time. We want to aim for naps in the ideal environment and at the right time. 80% of time, that's kind of our goal. And then 20% of the time if we're off track and the nap has to be in a non ideal environment in the car or in the stroller and at a non ideal time. Maybe they're skipping the nap. That's okay, so we can kind of find that 8020 balance. That's what's going to help them to not be so thrown off by nap disruption and changes that they're miserable but also gives you as a parent freedom to go and do things here and there. And when we do have to have naps on the go, you know, there are definitely things we can do to help improve the quality of those naps. Things like taking white noise with you and you know, if they're in the car seat, you're driving around and they need to be napping, you know, putting the white noise back there by them or I've had parents play it through the Bluetooth system in their car so the whole car is white noise.

 

I also put a blanket in the window to get it to start doing possibly can but that's a good that's a good idea. And another option you can do I don't know if you guys have heard of SnoozeShade it is like a black they make one for strollers and for car seats a cover that so it kind of creates that dark environment that very, very dark environment. So those are good options as well to kind of recreate the ideal environment. I've had a lot of families by this new shade if their schedule kind of makes it so as as they're driving home from daycare, if they have a bit of a commute. They know that that's when they need their third nap of the day to happen is on that drive home. And so they will just always have that white noise in the car. Had their sushi and the child just snaps for that 20 or 30 minute ride home. So definitely things we can do to make naps better on the go.

 

But the other thing I want you to just kind of grab onto and accept is that naps on the go are never going to be as good as naps at home in their ideal environment. And I think we get we get fixated on that like oh I want them to be able to nap while on the go. That's just not how humans are built. I don't know about you okay, what do you nap well in a car as well as my bed? No, yeah, you can do it. And it's better than you know. No sleep, right? Yeah. But yeah, it is not going to be that ideal sleep. It's not going to be as good a quality just like you may not sleep as well in a hotel room outside of your usual house and bed or you may not sleep as well at your in laws house. Babies are the same way. And so we can't expect them to nap to the same level of sleep as they do when they're at home in their perfect environment. And one thing I just want you guys to remember is that this you know having no life or having a life that's disrupted by sleep schedules for kids. Even conflicting sleep schedules for kids. I remember that very well. I remember, you know, like, Ellis would wake up or else would be awake. I put tiny down I put Alice down for his nap. And then my little one would get up and just being like, I don't have a single solitary second to myself this whole day. Probably added some expletives and that's intense.

 

Just like anything else, this is not gonna last forever. At some point your kids are you know, like, my youngest is two now he has one nap. I was in for quiet time. Like at some point it does all kind of come together. They won't have naps forever. So it's gonna suffer a little bit and then it's gonna be totally fine. But you'll have a well rested kid. And hopefully yourself will be you'll be well rested too. So hang in there. Yeah, I think that's a really important reminder. Because when you're in it, you know, it can feel like oh my gosh, I haven't gone anywhere for months, but in the scheme of our child's life. It is such a small, small point in time when we just have so many naps and I remember those days to Kayla, I think the worst is when you have one kid on to naps and the other kid on one nap because there is just there's literally almost no overlap. Yeah, and you're just like nap. Okay, next nap. Okay, next nap and then it's dinnertime and you're like, I haven't. I haven't had any time by myself at all. Yep. Or like you have like 15 minutes between you're like, should I get a quick workout? Should I do the dishes? Should I just sit like yeah, it's not fun. It's not but what happens because of that good sleep can be fun. So it'll get there it'll get there.

 

Well, I hope that this podcast didn't feel like a downer for you if you were hoping for like some quick fix. Yeah, quick because you guys know we don't think quick fixes exist in parenting. I so wish they did but they just don't but I hope that the commiseration helps and just that if you view sleep the same way that we do and you're cool with like, Yeah, I'd rather stay home and just have good sleep. You're not alone. And I will also tell you even though Kayla and I can't relate if you're someone who's like you know what, I just need my baby to be on my schedule. I know plenty of people that that works just fine for so there's no shame in that game either. And be sure guys to stay tuned this week on Instagram and Facebook. I'm gonna be talking more about how to do naps on the go ways to make it work for you. So stay tuned for more info and thank you for joining us. Thank you guys have a good week.

Today I'm sharing my short naps checklist with you! I recently received this question from one of my followers:

"Help! My 8 month old only takes 30 minutes naps! Her naps are always 30 minutes, right on the dot! How do I get past these short naps?"

I get this question a lot so I decided to create a checklist to help parents find the culprit of these short naps.

*This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my privacy and disclosure statement for more information.

 

 

 

#1 Is their napping environment ideal?

⇒Your child's room needs to be dark at nap time. And I mean REALLY dark! It should be as close to pitch black as you can make it. Light signals to their brain that it's time to be awake so we don't want to send those signals if we struggle with short naps.

It takes some effort to get their napping environment pitch black, but I promise, the pay off is worth it! One product that I highly recommend and personally use for blacking out a room is BlackoutEZ Window Covers.

 

⇒You're child needs continuous white noise playing while they nap. This not only helps to block out the daytime sounds within the house (putting dishes away, walking up the stairs, etc) but it also acts as a great buffer to block out sounds from outside the home (neighbor mowing the lawn, dog barking, etc).

White noise provides a continuous, non stimulating, sound that studies show us play a role in helping us fall asleep faster, sleep deeper, and connect sleep cycles.

My go-to white noise company is Lectrofan. We own 4 different Lectrofan sound machines in my house! And you can read more about why white noise is a non-negotiable for good sleep here.

#2 Is your baby taking the correct number of naps for their age?

This is important for many reasons. The ideal number of naps for your child's age helps us to balance their sleep needs with their awake needs. If we are offering too few naps throughout the day, it's likely that your child is going into nap time overtired. This state of over tiredness can increase cortisol and adrenaline within their body which will lead to full wake ups after 1 sleep cycle and voila, you've got a short nap!

If we are offering too many naps throughout the day, it's likely that your child is going into nap time under tired. This means they haven't built up adequate sleep pressure to take a longer nap!

 

#3 Is the timing of your naps right?

Not only is the number of naps important, but the timing is as well. It's important to find the right amount of time for your child to be awake between each sleep. It may take some tweaking to get right but once you hit that sweet spot, you'll know!

For a month by month breakdown of nap needs, check out my Short Nap Guide. 

#4 Is it age appropriate for your baby to be taking short naps?

I find that short naps can be age-appropriate until 3-5 months. Definitely as a newborn, you can expect short naps and that is okay! If you've got a child who is 3+ months and you're still struggling with consistent short naps (45 minutes or less) then I'd say it's okay to start working on this checklist to troubleshoot.

#5 Does your child know how to fall asleep without help?

This is the most important piece because if your child is taking short naps, that means they are getting through 1 sleep cycle and then unable to connect to the next sleep cycle. It's totally normal for them to wake up briefly between sleep cycles.

But if they don't possess the skill to put themselves back to sleep without intervention (paci, nursing, rocking, being held, etc.) then they aren't going to be able to connect those nap cycles. If your child doesn't know how to fall asleep without help and you are struggling with short naps, you have 2 options:

1. Go in as soon as they wake from a short nap and help them right back to sleep with whatever you've found to be the most effective (nursing back to sleep, rocking to sleep, laying with them, etc.)
2. Or, you can take this opportunity to teach them the skill of independent sleep!

Gearing up for your next nap transition? Then this blog is for you!

 

What are signs that I should drop a nap?

First off is age. Transitions work best when they happen at the following ages:

4 to 3 naps at 4 months

3 to 2 naps between 7 and 9 months

2 to 1 naps between 15 and 18 months

1 to 0 naps between 3 and 5 years

 

Secondly, here are some signs once you're within the recommended age range:

1. Unusual night wakings
2. Earlier morning wake ups than usual
3. Inability to fall asleep for some or all naps
4. Waking up happy from short naps
5. Struggling to offer enough awake time between sleeps while also keeping bedtime before 8pm

 

Now, we like to see a pattern with these 5 signs rather than just a random weird night here or there. If things are going well for the most part, then there’s no reason to drop a nap ASAP! 

How do I drop a nap?

4 naps to 3 naps (At 4 months)

This is probably the easiest transition you’ll go through! It will involve moving bedtime quite a bit earlier to account for the lost nap and this can be hard, especially if you’re dealing with short naps (be sure to check out my free guide for short naps!)

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩Start by stretching your wake windows. 

✩Once you’ve maxed out your wake windows at roughly 1.75-2 hours, then it’s time to make the switch and drop nap 4.

✩Bedtime may be after 8pm before the transition and as early as 6pm after the transition, this is okay!

 

3 naps to 2 naps (At 7-9 months)

This transition isn’t quite as easy as 4 to 3 but it’s still fairly straight forward. It can get a bit messier because I find that nap 3 can be pretty elusive as you get closer to this transition. If you find yourself in a pattern of consistently missing nap 3, it might be time!

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩Start by stretching your wake windows.

✩Once you’ve maxed out your wake windows at roughly 2.5-2.75 hours, then it’s time to make the switch and drop nap 3.

✩There may be some flip-flopping between 2 and 3 nap days and that’s okay. But if it persists past 7-10 days, then I’d commit to 2 nap days and push through

✩Again, bedtime will be on the later end right before the transition and then jump to early right after the transition. This gives them the chance to make up for the lost nap and to recover from the longer wake windows

2 naps to 1 nap (At 15-18 months)

This one is the BIG one! Such a big transition for your little one and this transition will take time. Buckle up for 2-4 weeks of transitioning and rougher than usual sleep. The goal with this transition is to be prepared and do it slowly.

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩Hitting 15 months does not mean that you HAVE to transition. If sleep is going fine, then don’t rush it.

✩You’ll start by pushing nap 1 later and later.

✩Once nap 1 is ending late enough, that’s when you’ll cut out the second nap completely.

✩Again, bedtime will be on the later end right before the transition and then jump to early right after the transition. This gives them the chance to make up for the lost nap and to recover from the longer wake windows

 

1 nap to no nap (At 3-5 years)

This is the transition that I find happens more naturally. We REALLY want to keep that nap until at least 3 years of age, so if you find yourself with a 2 year old who is trying to drop their nap, it’s probably more related to limit testing than them being physically ready to drop it. Be sure to check out my blog about Toddler Sleep And Why It Sucks if this is you!

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩For a while you may flip flop between nap days and no nap days, this is totally okay! Go with it!

✩On no nap days, don’t be afraid to pull bedtime earlier to make up for the lack of a nap.

✩On nap days, it’s okay to wake them from their nap in order to make bedtime easier. Ideally we’d want their nap ending by 3pm but you can cut it off earlier if you need to!

✩Even once the nap is gone, you still want to keep a daily quiet time in place. See this post for a more detailed overview of how to introduce quiet time for your preschooler.

 

Hope this was helpful and don’t forget, for children who are independent sleepers already, I offer nap transition calls so that you don’t have to go through this alone!

If you take a look around my site, you will see lots of mentions of sleep props or sleep associations. You may be wondering, “What IS a sleep prop?”

A sleep prop (also known as a sleep association, crutch, or assist to sleep) can be anything that your baby depends on to fall asleep. All sleep props are not created equal either! Some are extremely helpful for your baby’s sleep while others tend to be less helpful.

First thing I want to mention is that no sleep prop is across-the-board bad. I prefer the terms helpful and unhelpful that I used above. The word bad leads parents to think they’ve done something wrong or that something they are currently doing is an issue. This is not always the case!

 

I cannot stress this enough

If you’re currently using any of the unhelpful props that I mention below but sleep is going just fine for your family, then no need to change it! This post is meant to help families who are struggling get to the root cause of their sleep issues, not to make other families worry unnecessarily! If it’s not broken, don’t fix it!

 

Here are some signs that you might be using an unhelpful sleep prop:

♥Short naps, rarely longer than 30-45 minutes unless you help them back to sleep

♥Frequent night wakings, typically every couple of hours but could even be one or two wakings per night in an older baby

♥Daytime crankiness

♥Fighting going to sleep

♥Often waking within an hour of falling asleep at bedtime and difficult to get back down

♥Trying to start their day early in the morning (before 6am)

♥Unpredictable daytime schedule 

 

So what can be considered an unhelpful sleep prop:

♥Nursing to sleep

♥Bottle feeding to sleep

♥Rocking to sleep

♥Holding to sleep

♥Laying with to fall asleep

♥Pacifier use (particularly if your baby cannot reinsert it themselves)

 

In and of themselves, these things aren’t inherently bad. But if you’re struggling with sleep, here’s what you need to understand. Your baby has the potential to wake up each and every sleep cycle throughout the night and during naps. That’s about every 40-50 minutes! So what your baby needs to fall asleep at bedtime, is exactly what they’ll need to fall back asleep at these wakings. 

 

You have to ask yourself, am I willing to continue offering this sleep prop all throughout the night or after each short little nap in order to get them back to sleep? If that doesn’t sound too enticing then that’s where sleep coaching comes into play!

The goal of sleep coaching is to teach your baby to fall asleep independently. This means that when your baby is laid down in the crib, they should still be awake! 

This is where the rule “drowsy but awake” comes into play. Personally, I prefer the phrase “awake and calm” because there can be some confusion about the word drowsy.

Every time you lay your baby down for sleep (naps and nighttime), ideally they would be awake and calm. Not asleep. Not drifting off. Fully awake.

They should also be calm and primed for sleep (i.e. proper timing, calming bedtime routine, ideal sleep environment). By doing this each and every time you lay your baby down, you are teaching them this important sleep skill, one that they will need to have for the rest of their life!

Using the awake and calm rule is so key that, if a newborn is taught good sleep habits and the awake and calm rule is used gradually from the very beginning, they might never have to go through any sleep coaching! How amazing would that be? I have an entire Newborn Sleep Course all about how to do this and it’s producing amazing results with my mamas!

Now that we’ve gone through all that info, let’s talk about helpful sleep props. These should be things that your child either has some control over or that are always available to them throughout the night/nap so that they aren’t disrupted when they briefly wake.

 

What is considered a helpful sleep prop?

♥White noise

♥Dark sleep environment

♥Sleep sack

♥Predictable bedtime routine

♥Lovey- if over 12 months of age

♥Pacifier if you little one can reinsert it themselves- although I still recommend getting rid of it sooner rather than later

 

These are all things that will aid your baby in getting the most restorative sleep possible, without causing unnecessary wakings or helplessness for them that you will need to attend to.

 

So how do you get rid of unhelpful sleep props?

If you’ve realized after reading this post that you have a big sleep prop issue and you’re ready to make the steps to resolve it, be sure to check out my different services. ⇓

⇒If you feel like you just need someone to tell you what changes to make and how, you may be interested in my Classic Consultation.

⇒If you know this will be a big transition for your family and you’d like my constant support and guidance along the way, my Ultimate Consultation is the way to go!

 

∗You can always Apply to Work with Me and we can talk through the best option for your unique situation.

⇒Is your child currently in daycare or being watched by a friend or family member?

⇒Is your child an excellent napper at home but not so much in different environments?

⇒Or maybe your child is struggling with sleep and you know it's connected to their poor napping with their caregivers.

I've written this article to help you in communicating your child's sleep needs to their caregivers!

Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means that if you choose to make a purchase, I will earn a commission. All opinions are my own and you can trust that I would vouch for these products regardless of receiving this perk.

 

From nap schedules that aren't age-appropriate to sleep environments that aren't conducive to sleep, there are lots of unique challenges that come with having a caregiver for your child. Out of all the clients I work with, I find that about 50% nap really well for their caregivers and the other 50% really struggle with naps.

The most important thing to remember is that it's okay to address these issues with your caregiver.

You guys know I like to use analogies so I've got one for you to help you understand why it's okay to make this a priority and even a non-negotiable in some cases.

You wouldn't be okay if your caregiver gave your child junk food each time they cared for your child, would you? Even if it meant things were easier on your child's caregiver because of the number of mouths they had to feed, still not okay for most parents!

Short, crappy naps taken in non-conducive environments, sometimes even unsafe situations, and around a schedule that does not mesh with your child's needs can lead to junk sleep. Unhealthy for your child and not a good long term solution, especially if your child is struggling with sleep in general.

Now this is where it gets complicated because there are obviously lots of factors that play into junk sleep. You may have only 1 option available for a caregiver. It may be your mother in law who is doing it for free. Or it could be a daycare center where there are lots of other children to care for and you don't want to be THAT parent who is complaining.

But just like you wouldn't be okay with junk food for your child, you don't have to be okay with junk sleep either.  

If your child is already in daycare or with a caregiver but struggling with naps, have a heart to heart with your caregiver and see if they can make these accommodations for your child:

1. Ask to put your child in a separate, dark room for naps

It can be really hard for children to settle down and nap when other children are playing around them. If they can't put your child in a separate room, ask that they move your child as far from any activity as possible, to the opposite side of the room. 

 

See if your caregiver will even consider using a SlumberPod over the crib or pack n play if you provide it. This will help immensely with blocking out light and sound from the room around your child. (Take 10% off with code: ALLTHESLEEPS)

 

Take your own white noise to your caregiver and ask that they turn it on for naps

This will help signal to your child that it's nap time, just like when they hear it at home as well as drowning out other noises that could be distracting to a baby who is trying to fall asleep. The Lectrofan Micro is the perfect size for daycare and doesn't need to be plugged in during naps! 

 

Encourage your caregiver to follow an age-appropriate nap schedule each day

A big problem I notice with caregivers is that babies are put down when they show signs sleepiness. Unfortunately, baby sleep cues are really not reliable after the newborn stage and this can lead to your baby being put down too soon for a nap or too late.

 

If your child struggles with short naps with their caregiver, there are a couple things you can try.

If your child is assisted to sleep, then when they wake from a short nap (less than 45 minutes) they should be assisted right back to sleep. This may require moving to a dark room with them so they can make that transition back to sleep. If your child falls asleep independently, then you need to encourage your caregiver to leave them in their sleep space for 15-20 minutes after they wake. This helps motivate your child to continue napping and lengthen their own naps.

 

Don't be afraid to write out cheat sheets and instructions about naps for your caregiver.

This isn't pushy, it's helpful! I wrote very detailed instructions for my mother when she used to care for my son during the day. Sure, it was a little weird at first but then we got into a groove and the she started to understand what we were doing with sleep, the less I had to help her out.

Remember, it's in everyone's best interest for your child to nap well with your caregiver.

Your caregiver will have an easier time handling a well-rested child versus a child who is chronically overtired and fussy.

 

If you are a new or expectant parent and are shopping around different daycares or caregivers, here are some questions to ask when it comes to sleep:

1. Are children expected to nap in the same room where everyone else is playing? Ideally, your child would nap in a separate room, away from where everyone else is playing where it's dark and conducive to sleep.
2. Will your daycare providers be willing to follow an age-appropriate nap schedule for your child? A lot of caregivers move children to 1 nap at 12 months and most babies aren't ready for that transition yet.
3. If you want to sleep coach in the future, will your caregiver be on board and willing to lay your child down awake for naps? If not, it doesn't mean that sleep coaching won't work at home, but it can make it more complicated and difficult.

 

If you've made your suggestions but your caregiver is not able or willing to follow through, then it's time to let it go.

If you have other issues with your caregiver and are in a place to find a new caregiver, then, by all means do it! But I know that is not a reality for most families.

At the the end of the day you can only control certain things and if your child's napping situation is not one of those things, don't let it ruin your day. Do what you can at your own home to foster healthy, restorative sleep and understand that that's all you can do.