If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the idea of sleep training your little one, you’re not alone! Many parents share the same worries and uncertainties, but I'm here to help you navigate this journey with confidence. Sleep training is a valuable tool that can lead to better sleep for both your baby and yourself. Not only do I have some quick answers to your most asked questions about sleep training, but I also have linked a lot of good, free resources to dive even deeper into these answers. Let’s tackle some of the most frequently asked questions to hopefully make the process less intimidating before you get started. 

 

Will sleep training hurt my bond with my baby?

One of the most common concerns parents have is whether sleep training will negatively impact their relationship with their baby. The answer is a resounding no! In fact, sleep training can strengthen your bond as both you and your baby get the rest you need. A well-rested parent is more emotionally available, attentive, loving, and attuned, which can enhance the connection you have with your little one. So, rest assured, prioritizing sleep is a way to nurture your relationship. To see the research that backs up this answer, head to this blog.

 

How do I know if we are ready for sleep training?

If sleep feels like a struggle and your current habits seem unsustainable, you are likely ready to consider sleep training. Signs that it's time include frequent night wakings, difficulty falling asleep, or an increasingly cranky baby due to lack of rest. Remember, sleep is crucial for your baby's development, so if it’s becoming a challenge, it’s time to explore your options. I talk more in depth about 4 reasons you might be ready to sleep train here.

 

How long will sleep training take?

The duration of sleep training can vary depending on your family’s situation and the approach you choose. However, many families report small improvements within just a few days and by 2 weeks of consistency, many families feel they are settling into new habits and already enjoying the benefits of sleep coaching. The key is commitment and consistency. It may seem daunting initially, but with dedication, you’ll be on your way to better sleep before you know it!

 

Is it okay if my baby cries during sleep training?

It is absolutely normal for crying to occur as your baby learns a new way routine and a new way to fall asleep. Think of it as part of the learning process. You’ll be right there providing comfort and support as they navigate this new skill. Remember, you’re not abandoning your child; you’re teaching them a valuable tool for sleep. I know that crying can be a big hang-up for parents when thinking about sleep training so I have put together this great resource for you all about how to re-frame your thoughts on crying here and here.

 

What if my baby wakes up hungry in the night?

Nighttime feeds are completely normal for babies, especially in the early months. Sleep training focuses on reducing unnecessary wakings while still allowing for those essential feeds. If your baby is genuinely hungry, it’s important to meet that need. The goal is to create a balance that supports both their nutritional needs and their ability to sleep well. Not sure if your baby is actually hungry overnight or just eating out of habit or comfort? See this blog to find out!

 

What if my baby is teething or going through a regression? Should I wait to sleep train?

You can absolutely still pursue sleep training during teething or developmental regressions! There’s rarely a “perfect time” for sleep training, as there will always be bumps along the road. Instead of waiting for ideal conditions, consider using gentle sleep training methods that can accommodate your baby’s changing needs. Flexibility is key but don't wait for the "perfect time" to get started or you might find you still haven't made the time until your baby is a preschooler (or older)! Also, I've created this free handy sleep regression flowchart that I think every parent should have! Check it out here.

 

Ready to tackle sleep training?

With the right approach, sleep training can transform not just your baby’s sleep, but your entire family’s quality of life. If you’re ready to start on this journey and help your baby sleep soundly, check out my Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies! This step-by-step guide will equip you with the tools and confidence you need to navigate sleep training successfully. Let's teach your little one how to love sleep!

You want a little sneak peek insight into a few habits that I’ve implemented as a mom (and sleep consultant) that are SO important to me? Because these pieces of gold have changed my life and my kids lives and are TOO valuable not to share with you!

These habits have all been intentional (except the last one which was a silly quirk that turned into an accidental habit) and as a sleep consultant who deals with behaviors, habits, and routines on a daily basis, I fully believe in the power of using such things to our advantage as we parent and decide what is important in our lives.

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Like most things that I share, this what worked well for our family but I fully acknowledge there are many good ways to parent. Here’s your disclaimer not to compare or feel like your intentional parenting choices are better than or less than anyone else's.

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So here are the habits I'm grateful that I've implemented over the last 10 years of parenting...

 

1. Teaching independent sleep (aka sleep training)

This one probably goes without saying but, independent sleep has truly been an integral part of my parenting journey. My sons know how to regulate their own sleep and they feel safe and comfortable doing so. This is something we had to work at by sleep training around  4 months of age with both of my boys and then it became a boundary we had to continue holding over the years (particularly years 3-5 when they were testing lots of boundaries). Just because I'm a sleep consultant and my boys have been sleeping independently since their baby days, that doesn't mean we never have sleep issues pop up. However, our consistency is what keeps us on track every time. Read a little more about why I recommend laying down fully awake for each sleep here.

2. Frequent trips to the library

We often head to the library on a weekly basis to get new books to keep us occupied the next week. It’s not uncommon for us to have 30-40 books checked out at one time. This habit has truly shaped them into avid readers. When my boys were smaller, we would go and play in the place at the library and sit and read together or participate in the free baby and toddler reading times they offered. As they got older we started participating in the summer reading program each year. And now when we go to the library they head off and know exactly where to find the various books they're looking for!

 

3. Set morning wake up times

This time may change depending on if it’s the weekday, weekend, summer, or school year but we are very clear about when the boys can leave their rooms and expect to start their days. We have been intentional about this since they were babies and they didn’t always like this rule but now it’s so ingrained they don’t even think twice about it. We're big fans of the Kidstible lamps to help little ones know when it's time to wake up.

 

4. Daily quiet time

Since my boys stopped napping around 3-5 years, we’ve implemented a daily quiet time when home. This is their time to play, create, read, and rest in their rooms while my husband and I are able to work or rest. This time has been invaluable to my sanity and I recommend it to every family when they are out of the napping stage. Read more about developing a quiet time here.

 

 

5. No tablet use for the boys

We have tried off and on to incorporate tablet time but it always caused an issue and it always became an unquenchable need for more. So on the whole, we don’t do tablet time. We are TV watchers and will watch several hours of TV throughout the week but we are all much happier with that less addictive screen option. My boys never have the expectation to be on the tablet when they are bored, when we are at restaurants, or really anytime we are doing things they aren't big fans of. If this is something you want to learn more about, I highly recommend checking out Dr. Alison Yeung's content on Instagram.

 

6. Bible reading and prayers before bed

Bible reading and prayers before bed. This is a simple routine that we started with them as toddlers. As part of our bedtime routine we read a Bible story and then go around and all say a prayer. My hope is that this will help them to learn how to make Jesus a part of their everyday life- even when they are older.

 

7. Getting a treat for myself without the expectation that they will automatically get one too

This last one will probably seem the weirdest, but I am an ice cream lover so it ended up being a great motto for us. Just because I’m getting a treat, that doesn’t mean the boys get a treat. It also goes the other way. Just because they are getting a treat, it doesn’t mean I get a treat. Because of this understanding we’ve built over the years since they were babies, I am able to go to the drive thru and grab ice cream for myself and they don’t bat an eye!

 

I’d love to hear about a habit you’ve intentionally tried to teach your little ones?

 

 

Ready to tackle your current sleep issues? I'm here to offer a solution. 

Look no further than my affordable Classic Consultation:

With the Classic Consultation you can get accessible sleep help to confidently sleep train without all the second guessing! Imagine doing your bedtime routine, kissing your baby goodnight, walking out of the room + knowing that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

 

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Classic Consultation today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-plan

Whatever way you slice it, parenting is just plain hard. There are no hacks or tips that can fully eliminate the struggles. And when you add sleep deprivation on top of it all, it can feel unbearable at times.

Caring for your little one every day... Trying to succeed at work or at home... Managing your own mental health... Maintaining important relationships in your life...

 

It's A LOT to juggle. It's not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

 

With that all said, I'm not here to offer you an "easy hack" or a "secret tip" to make it all better. But I do want to help you see that you get a choice in how you handle the hard parts of parenting. And the simple act of making that choice can help you feel more in control, more confident, and less like you're drowning.

 

YOU GET TO CHOOSE YOUR HARD.

 

What do I mean by that? Let's look at 2 hard things:

 

HARD THING #1

Your child is struggling with sleep (night wakings, fighting sleep, short naps, cranky & overtired all the time, etc). You can accept that this is where you're at right now and embrace it. This will be temporary. Some day your child will sleep better. You can choose for this to be your hard and go with it. Accept it and stop letting it plague your every thought and emotion.

 

HARD THING #2

Your child is struggling with sleep but you've decided to arm yourself with support & information and start tackling these sleep issues. You know that change will be hard and that you'll likely get even worse sleep for a short time while you make changes. But you have hope that it will get better shortly after and your child will learn to regulate their own sleep if you give them the opportunity to learn. You embrace the challenge ahead of you and decide to tackle it wholeheartedly.

 

 

 

Choosing #1 is not better or worse than choosing #2 (at least I'm not going to pass that judgement). YOU get to decide which is better or worse for your family and your unique situation.

 

Unfortunately, I often see parents stuck in between these 2 hard things. They don't fully accept one or the other and so they feel even more stressed and overwhelmed because of it.

 

Usually that looks like dabbling in sleep training methods, following sleep consultant accounts, also following anti-sleep training accounts, but never fully committing to either so they never really see progress and feel perpetually guilty. Meanwhile, because they are "kind of" trying to get to better sleep, they can never be fully present in the moment with their child, they constantly feel anxious about the state of their child's sleep and they certainly aren't going to embrace the stage their currently in.

 

These parents often vacillate between thinking that their child's sleep struggles are just a part of life and/or thinking that their child is capable of sleeping better. This keeps them stuck in a downward spiral. (And if you've been here, you know exactly what I mean). You just feel stuck!

 

 

I'm here to offer a solution. If you decide to jump in and embrace hard thing #2.

You're ready to tackle your child's sleep issues wholeheartedly,

then look no further than my affordable Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies:

With the Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies you can have a step by step plan at your fingertips to achieve your sleep goals -> do your bedtime routine, kiss your baby goodnight, and walk out of the room + know that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

 

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-coaching-crash-course

Are you a parent wondering about the best age to start sleep training your baby? It's a common concern that plagues many parents, but the answer may be simpler than you think. Let's delve into this often debated topic and shed some light on the best age to embark on the journey of sleep training.

Many parents express concerns about the ideal time to begin sleep training. Here are some common worries:

• 'If we don't sleep train by 6 months, will they always be a poor sleeper?'
• 'Won't my baby just have night wakings forever if I don't do Cry-It-Out (CIO) by 12 months?'
• 'Surely my child can't learn better sleep habits at 4 years of age...'

The reassuring answer to all of these concerns is a resounding "No!"

The truth is, there's no one-size-fits-all magical age for sleep training.

 

The best age to sleep train: when sleep is no longer sustainable

The magical age to start sleep training is simply when your current approach to sleep is no longer sustainable for your family. It's that straightforward! There's no ticking clock, no looming deadline, and you're definitely not screwed if you don't sleep train by {insert age here}!

 

The best age to sleep train: focus on what matters most

Instead of fixating on age, it's more crucial to consider three essential factors:

1. Your Child: Is your child getting the rest they need? Are they generally happy and thriving? The well-being of your little one is paramount.
2. You: Are you coping well with your current sleep situation, or do you desperately need more sleep to function and thrive as a parent? Your well-being matters too. Sometimes moms need this extra reminder too: If the sleep situation is not what's best for YOU, then it's not best for your baby either. Don't let guilt hold you back from being the best parent you can be.
3. Your Family: Are your other children feeling neglected as you cater to one child's sleep habits? Stuck contact napping all day while your toddler spends hours on the tablet? Or are you and your partner struggling to find time to connect and support each other? Is your family thriving, or are you just barely keeping your heads above water?

Take your answers to these questions and use them as your guide to determine if you're ready to start sleep training.

 

The best age to sleep train: more than just CIO

It's important to note that sleep training doesn't automatically mean implementing the Cry-It-Out (CIO) method. It doesn't even necessarily entail promoting independent sleep. What it does mean is that you are making changes to your current sleep routines in favor of more sustainable sleep habits that work for your family. The end goal of sleep training varies from one family to another. And that's okay!

 

By addressing these key considerations, you can make an informed decision about the best age to start sleep training for your child. Remember, there's no magical age, but there is a right time for your unique family. Prioritize your child's well-being, your own, and the harmony of your family when making this important decision.

For more expert advice on baby sleep and sleep training, keep exploring this blog. As a mom of 2 and pediatric sleep consultant, I'm here to support you on your parenting journey.

Yup, I'm saying it. Drowsy but awake doesn't work for most families. 🤷‍♀️

 

Right off the bat I know that there will be someone commenting that they successfully implemented drowsy but awake - and I'm happy for them! But after talking with thousands of parents, I can tell you it does NOT work for most little ones.

 

Let me explain why first:

 

Reason #1 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

Getting a baby drowsy and then transferring them to their sleep space is no easy feat! Most little ones will pop right awake and then lucky you! You get to start the whole ordeal all over again. How fun (not)!

 

Reason #2 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

I've also noticed that when repeated unsuccessful transfers happen, the child starts to anticipate and fight drowsiness. They are making the connection that once they let go and relax, you will set them down. They don't want this so they resist sleep even more. The opposite of what we want! 

 

Reason #3 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

The other issue with drowsy but awake is that it often doesn't fix the root problem. Maybe you can lay your little one down drowsy but does it help with frequent night wakings, early mornings, and short naps? Probably not. Your child will still need you to come get them to a drowsy state before they'll go back down.

 

Reason #4 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

Using drowsy but awake becomes less and less effective with age and alertness. It *can* be helpful in the newborn stage but after that it becomes more elusive. And eventually your baby becomes a toddler who becomes a preschooler and along the way it just stops working. These older kids will especially fight falling asleep because they are smart and if they decide they don't want to sleep, they know how to resist and stall.

 

Reason #5 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

Lastly, drowsy but awake is honestly just impossible to gauge! Seriously, what does it mean? What does it look like? I'd probably get 50 different answers if I asked this question. It's very very subjective which makes it difficult to use and implement.

 

 

So what do I recommend instead? Laying down *fully* awake!

 

Besides the fact that it's just way easier to even know what 'awake' means and looks like, there are several other reasons why it just makes sense- especially if you're struggling in the sleep department!

 

Reason #1 to lay down fully awake

It keeps your child from being jolted awake in a new place. Aka, it’s not a bait and switch. Imagine falling asleep in your bed and waking up on the kitchen floor... yikes! That's often how our children feel when we snuggle them to sleep and then they wake up all alone. This is really jarring and can make it even harder for them to fall back asleep.

 

Reason #2 to lay down fully awake

It gives your child the tools to connect their own sleep cycles. Listen up, we ALL have biologically normal night wakings. ALL of us! As adults, we've had lots of practice falling right back asleep when we wake. But our children may not have the tools to fall back asleep without signaling for help. By laying them down awake we are giving them the opportunity to hone these skills. This makes a HUGE difference when it comes to false starts at bedtime, unnecessary night wakings, early morning wake ups, and short naps.

 

Reason #3 to lay down fully awake

Getting drowsy becomes less effective over time. As children grow and develop, they can become harder to settle and put to sleep. It's also not unusual for your presence to become too stimulating for the process of falling asleep. A child who is resisting your help and fighting sleep is another reason to work on laying them down awake. If your “help” isn’t actually helping them, then maybe they are signaling to you that what you’re trying is not actually helpful.

 

 

As far as logistics go...

✨I recommend making sure baby is fully awake during the entire bedtime routine

✨Then lay them down at the right time and in the right sleep environment

✨Have a sleep coaching method you feel comfortable with and apply it while they adjust to the change!

 

Need a little more help navigating this recommendation?

First up, let me introduce you to my Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies. It's an affordable sleep course for overwhelmed moms who want to stop *stressing* about sleep and actually start sleeping again. This course is an online, self-paced course that teaches you all about how to sleep coach (and lay down awake) in the crib. It sets up a day-by-day plan for teaching independent sleep so you can stop second-guessing yourself every step of the way. This course is specifically geared towards 4-24 months. It's like having a trusted sleep expert right by your side.

 

Now, you might be thinking, I can purchase a course but will I actually have the confidence and motivation to follow through with it? If you feel like you'd benefit from more accountability and 1:1 support, that's where my 1:1 Consultations come in. These are designed specifically to give your the clear plan & calm support that you need as we work towards better sleep for your little one. I provide 3 different levels of phone & email support so you can choose the option that makes the most sense for your unique family. These consultations are a game-changer, trust me!

 

I talk with many families when they are in the midst of deciding whether or not to sleep train. Today I offer 4 questions you should be pondering and thinking about before you take the plunge and decide to sleep train

4 questions:

1. How do I feel about crying?
2. Am I ready to get less sleep temporarily?
3. Do I have support? If not, how can I get my partner on board?
4. Can I commit to several weeks of making sleep my number 1 priority?

Related links:

Free 15 minute consult: allthesleeps.com/15minconsult

Newborn Sleep Resource Page: allthesleeps.com/newborn-sleep-help

Baby Sleep Resource Page: allthesleeps.com/baby-sleep-help

Toddler & Preschooler Sleep Resource Page: allthesleeps.com/toddler-preschooler-sleep-help

Click here for a quick link to your desired podcast app

Questions before sleep training

Hey Mama! This is Carianna here with your podcast episode today. And the very first thing I want to say before I forget, I'm worried I'm going to forget. This is our second to last episode in Season One, so I'm really excited that we have almost made it a whole season that we're going to take a break for the holidays, and then we'll be back for season two in 2022. But what I wanted to ask of you is, if you've been listening, please send me a DM at all the sleeps or if you're not on Instagram, send me an email, sleep at all the sleeps calm and just let me know what topics you would be looking forward to for season two because Kayla and I are going to start gearing up and getting ready for season two soon, so I would love to hear any feedback from you, and I'm just so glad that you've joined us for this season one. Now don't miss next week's episode which will be the last episode of season one, and we are going to talk about daylight saving time so you definitely do not want to miss that one. Now, on to today's topic, so we're going to talk about four questions to ponder before sleep training, and what I can tell you is I do lots and lots of free 15 minute calls with families before they decide to work with me, so it gives us a good chance to talk about their sleep situation and where they're at, talk about their goals that they want to achieve where they would like to be at. I'm able to answer questions for them about my services and courses that I offer, and then, time after time after time, the same common questions come up that parents usually have before they've decided to sleep train. So I thought, You know what, Let's make a podcast episode out of this because I know these are questions that so many families have, and I would just love to answer them for you. So let's talk about these four questions. So the first question I would like you to ponder before you decide if you're ready for sleep training is, how do you feel about crying. Okay. Because crying is naturally, something that's going to be a part of this process. Every child is different and how much crying, could be a little, it could be a lot. But what we really need to do is get serious about how do you feel about crying, maybe think through why you feel the way you do like when crying stresses you out or freaks you out. What are what's going on in your brain that's making you feel like this is the end of the world. But apart from that, just looking at how you feel about crying is understanding that crying is a part of the process and what I always tell families is that crying, is how your child communicates right and since we are going to be making changes. If we sleep train. It's natural that your child is going to have feelings about that that they're going to be frustrated that they're going to struggle. These are not in and of themselves, bad things, but the crying is how they're communicating that frustration and communicating that struggle. And what I also want you to know is that even though there's going to be crying, you can choose to be as hands on, or as hands off as you'd like to be. So the method you choose itself is not going to mean no crying, I am not a fan of the no cry marketing, I think that that is just baloney. Honestly, I think it's misleading I think it's even a little deceitful on some levels because kids cry. And I can't promise you that your kid won't cry during sleep training, I also can't promise you that your kid won't cry for any number of reasons. So, I'm not a big fan of pushing this like, oh no cry no cry, but I am a huge fan of finding the method that works for your family so if that means you are very hands on, you're right there next to the crib the whole time you're touching you're comforting you're talking to them. That's okay if that's the route you choose to go and I've seen that be very successful. On the other hand if you're someone who wants to leave the room and do checks, or if you just want to leave the room completely if that's where you're comfortable. I'm comfortable there as well so that's what I would say quite ponder how you feel about crying, and then accepting that crying is part of the process, and knowing that you have the option to choose how you're going to manage with the crime. Second question that I want you to ponder. Am I ready to get less sleep, temporarily, this is something that sometimes we don't think all the way through. But even though you may feel right now like your sleep situation is terrible and you're up a lot and you're just losing your mind or maybe you're feeling that way during the day, you can't set your child down when you make the decision to sleep tracking it is temporarily going to get worse before it gets better, and we get to the other side so that may mean, it's going to take longer for them to go down at bedtime, they may be up more frequently at night, they may spend more time awake at their night wakings their stretches at night may shorten before they get longer during the day naps are going to be an even harder process than they are right now, so just kind of accepting that that is the territory that comes with sleep training, and understanding that it's going to happen, and that's okay. It doesn't mean we have to stay stuck where we are right now, but I also don't want you to be blindsided when I know you already feel exhausted, and for a while you're gonna feel even more exhausted, until your child gets into the new rhythm and interrupting this episode is super quick, because I want to make sure you know that I have a sleep coaching Crash Course. If you're struggling with Night Waking short naps, early mornings, or you're just spending way too much time trying to get your baby to sleep. This course is for you. I walk you through step by step process all the information you need to successfully sleep coach your little one. So if you're ready for a positive sleep change, but it all seems too overwhelming, go check the description below. Okay, let's get back to the episode now.

Third question that I want you to ponder is, do I have support. And if I don't have support during this process, how can I get my partner on board. Okay, so if you are single, grab a friend and maybe your friend isn't going to stay with you while you sleep train, but somebody important in your life friend or family member who knows your sleep training, who is supportive of your decision, and who you can be texting through the process, and, you know, kind of a shoulder to cry on, ask them to be your cheerleader, have someone like that. Now if you have a partner, then you really need that partner on board with you especially if your partner is present at all during the night, waking up during the day. Because what we don't want is a partner who is not on board, and who is second guessing everything you're doing, telling you not to do it. You know who's undermining the work you do. So make sure that you're on board, and hopefully I don't offend anyone with this but I tell families a lot because oftentimes I will work with families, or talk to families before we work together, who one parent really really wants to do this because they are just dying with their current sleep situation, the other parent isn't very affected by the sleep situation, and they're like, Oh, we're not sleep training we don't need to sleep train, If that's your situation, I would encourage you to tag your partner in for the night wakings for getting the child down for the NAPS wherever the problem area is start tagging them in more, and once they understand how difficult the situation is for you, they're going to be a lot more agreeable to make changes, but if they're just sleeping all night. Their sleep is fairly uninterrupted, they're not going to understand that Sleep Train is your next step. Okay, so get them on your team get them on board. See if you can get them to experience what you were experiencing so they understand the other just extra thing I would tack on to the end there is even if you do have support whether that's family, friends, partner. Sometimes families do need that extra outside professional support and that's okay if that's where you find yourself. I will tell you from my own experience with my first son, we DIY did, and we were great with my second son, DIY, it was not going to cut it, and I needed a professional outside perspective and help. And so I totally get both sides of it. Just to refresh you guys, I offer various one on one services, where I put together plans specifically for a family, we have a call to talk through things, then we either have, you know, two days of email support or two weeks of email support, depending on what level of support you feel that you need to be successful and I am not at all, one that's going to push one or the other on you. I really leave it up to parents and I say, what do you feel like you need to be successful, and does that fit in your budget. And then on the other end of the spectrum, I do have more of a DIY course where families can take all the information in at their own pace, when it works for them, and then start implementing my day by day plan so if you feel like you need more support, whether it's the high end of support or the low end of support, I want you to know those options are available and those are things that I love, offering to families, I'll put a link in the show notes to those various offers so you can check them out if you'd like to. Alright, last question that you need to ponder before sleep training before deciding to sleep train, can I commit, several weeks to make Sleep, my number one priority. So look at your schedule, are you thinking about starting sleep training tonight, but then this weekend, you have two nights, you're going to be gone and your child's going to be way off schedule or with a different caregiver. Okay, so you have to figure out where you can fit it best and it may not be perfect, because some of us, rarely have two weeks where there's absolutely nothing going on, but you want to pick the best possible time to sleep train so that you are setting your child up for success, and maybe you'll get through the process, and things are going great, well before two weeks. That would be awesome. Maybe it takes a little longer than two weeks, but you want to have a plan, set up for success, so that you aren't, training, and then traveling for a week and then coming back home and feeling like you're starting from scratch again okay we want them to have time to learn the new skills, to have consistency to have their nap schedule honored to not be keeping them up late to not have visitors where we feel like we can't actually follow our plan to not be traveling so they're sleeping in a weird random place, we really really need to make sure we're setting them up for success, if we're going to go through that sleep training process. So, look at your schedule look out two weeks, maybe three to four before you decide when your start date is. Okay. Alright, so those are the four main questions honestly I could throw a fifth one in there, which is just, okay, now how do I sleep train, I don't know how to do this. But as I'm sure you guys know that is way too much for one podcast episode, but if you are interested in getting more help with the sleep training process and you want to know more about the various services and courses I offer, again I will link those in the show notes for you guys, and I'm so glad that you guys were listening, if you tuned in today, would you just take a moment to either head to Apple podcasts, and just drop a quick little review rate and review. Make sure that you are following this podcast if you aren't already. And if you really appreciated this, I would love to see you screenshot this and share it in your stories and just tell more people about this podcast because more and more people are finding it and it makes me so excited that we can spread the sleep info. This practical advice with as many families as possible so thank you so much for being a part of this dream of mine.

Questions before sleep training

Please don't hear me say you HAVE to sleep train. That's not the point of this post.  I just want to make sure you know that if you CHOOSE to sleep train, the research is on our side. 

 

We have lots of studies on sleep training, it's effectiveness and its outcomes. Could we use more studies? Sure! We can always use more information! But the info we DO have paints a good picture.

 

AND there is zero evidence that sleep training causes any amount of harm. ZERO. 

Read on to see what the research says about the following areas:

Effectiveness

Does sleep training even work? No doubt you've wondered this and maybe you've even heard that it doesn't work most of the time!

A review of 52 different studies on behavioral interventions for sleep issues was conducted. This review pulled all the data together from these separate studies and found that 94% of them reported significant improvements in infant & child sleep. The conclusion drawn was this was that "behavioral approaches produce reliable & durable changes in bedtime problems & night wakings."

So yes, sleep training does work and IS effective if you are dealing with sleep issues.

Child Benefits

Isn't sleep training kind of selfish? Maybe you've wondered this before. Apart from the obvious benefits of better sleep, we have data from 13 studies that measured daytime behavior in babies & children after sleep intervention.

This data paints a pretty great picture for children who undergo sleep training. Infants who participated in sleep interventions were found to be more secure, predictable, less irritable, and to cry and fuss less following treatment. Parents of older children reported improvements in their children's daytime behavior after participation.

Also important to note is that mothers indicated that sleep interventions had no effect on maintaining the practice of breast feeding or an infant's total daily fluid intake.

So the resounding answer is... sleep training is not done for purely selfish reasons! Your child can benefit as well!

Parental Benefits

We've seen that sleep training is not inherently selfish but let's be honest. You need and deserve sleep too! So even if you've got a bubbly & happy baby who doesn't seem to be bothered by broken sleep, that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't sleep train.

A review of 12 studies that measured parental outcomes after sleep intervention found remarkably consistent results across all studies. Parents exhibited rapid and dramatic improvements in their own mental health status, reporting fewer symptoms of depression, increased sense of parenting efficacy, enhanced marital satisfaction, and reduced parenting stress.

I'd say sleep training looks like a win for parents as well!

sleep training research

Long Term Impacts

Ok, I know what you're thinking.... you saw this article once online that stated that sleep training was damaging for babies and would have negative, long term effects. However, I can assure you that there is ZERO evidence of long term harm when sleep training is used. Seriously. The next time you see a claim like that, look for a link to peer-reviewed research. There won't be one.

This Australian study used 225 families to conduct a randomized trial (the gold standard of study design). Roughly half of the families used sleep interventions while the other half did not (the control group). 5 years later the families answered questionnaires, gave cortisol samples, and experienced a 40-60 minute home visit with researchers.

Between the group that used sleep training interventions and the group that did not, there were no significant differences in any outcomes, including emotional stability, conduct behavior, stress, parent-child closeness, conflict, parent-child attachment, or attachment in general.

The researchers concluded that behavioral sleep techniques have no marked long-lasting effects (positive or negative). Parents and health professionals can confidently use these techniques to reduce the short- to medium-term burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression.

 

So there's the research! I encourage you to follow the links I've provided and do your own reading and digging. Don't feel like you must blindly take my word for it! And if this post helped you out, would you consider sharing it? There's so much mom shaming and fear mongering around sleep training and I'd love to do my part to dispel some of that.

Related blog that you might find interesting:

Sleep Myth: Sleep training is damaging

 

sleep training research

You want to make sure that you do what is best for your baby. And I get that! It's why I put together this quick little post about sleep training and why it will not damage your baby.

Different strokes are for different folks. And that's okay! 👌But don't put down families who choose sleep training and don't believe these unsubstantiated claims. Let's go through them one by one, shall we?

Sleep training will damage your baby. Take Hiscock's study (2012) as exhibit A. They conducted a 5 year follow up with children who were sleep trained and with child who weren't sleep trained and found no significant difference. Like at all. 🤷‍♀️ There's also this study that had similar findings.

You will lose your baby's trust. Your baby knows you and has hundreds of experiences with you to draw on. Responding differently to them at night does not negate all of that! 💕 Again, see studies linked above that show no difference in parental-child attachment.

You will teach your child not to cry when they need you. Umm really? My kids still cry for me when they need me! And I would say that families I work with report they are BETTER able to respond at night when their child needs them after sleep training. Parents know something is up and their child isn't just crying because they woke up. 😢

Sleep training=neglect. Nope, just nope. Unfortunately, naysayers compare sleep training to babies who grew up in Romanian orphanages and pretty much spent their entire day and night alone and in a crib. 🙄 Not comparable.

You're being selfish. Wrong! You have to take care of yourself too. That's not selfish. It's called filling your cup so you can pour into your child's life. 🥛

Your sleep expectations are unrealistic. Ok, I suppose this one could be true depending on how old your child is and what your expectations are... But it is not unreasonable to expect our children to learn to fall asleep on their own and eventually learn to connect sleep cycles. 💤

You can't be a responsive parent and sleep train. So, I guess I'm confused with this one. Does being a responsive parent mean meeting your child's wants OR your child's needs? Also, what's wrong with responding to your child DIFFERENTLY than usual? Is that not considered responsive? 🤔 We know that secure attachment has everything to do with being a warm, loving, and emotionally available parent and nothing to do with cosleeping, breastfeeding, and anti-sleep training ideologies. 

 

✨✨Let's encourage each other in our own unique decisions instead of criticizing. ✨✨

Check out my video on Instagram that pokes fun of these ridiculous claims.

A common concern I hear is: "How do I teach my baby to fall asleep without my help?" The answer, "Sleep coaching!"

Now, there is WAY more to sleep coaching than just the sleep coaching method that you use but I thought it would be helpful to share my run down of the different options.

A couple important notes

1. You can absolutely sleep train on your own if you read all the things, are confident in what you're doing, and can hold yourself accountable. That's what I did with my oldest!

2. There is no sleep coaching method that is truly tear-free. In fact I think it's really unfair to expect that or to "market" that. A method that is truly tear free is either V E R Y slow & you're looking at months of small changes or you got lucky with a baby who's temperament is extremely easy going. If crying is holding you back, I highly recommend reading this article by parenting expert Janet Lansbury AND checking out my myth buster post about sleep training being damaging.

3. There is a lot more that goes into sleep coaching than just the method so I am not an advocate for just putting a baby down and letting them cry if we haven't looked at the situation holistically first.

4. The specific sleep coaching method you choose actually has very little to do with success. I've used all these methods successfully. What counts is your follow through and consistency!

 

If you’ve come to the conclusion that you need to do some sleep coaching with your child, this post is a nice overview of your options. 

 

Ok, let’s get down to business.

Here is a continuum of several popular sleep coaching methods

As you can see, the methods I'll run through below range from very hands on to very hands off. Wherever you choose to hop in is just fine!

Crib-side Soothing

Works best for babies under the age of 6-8 months but can be overstimulating for babies over this age.

This method requires that after laying your baby down awake you step back from the crib and listen. If/when your baby cries, you can go to them and offer comfort while they stay crib-side. You can even pick up after a couple minutes if the aren't calming with the crib-side comfort. Once your baby has calmed in your arms then you lay them back down (while still awake) in their crib. These steps are repeated over and over until the child falls asleep.

Pros: This is a very hands on method and allows you to be right there the whole time as your child figures this new thing out.

Cons: Can be very tiring, can take the longest out of all the methods, parents must be able to remain calm and not anxious around baby.

 

Chair Method

Works best for 8+ month olds. I also like this method for toddlers, especially if you are transitioning from your bed to their own or if you usually lay with your toddler as they fall asleep.

This method allows you to stay in the room in a chair next to the crib/bed. You can provide some brief comfort to your child but they are still in charge of putting themselves to sleep. Every couple of nights you move the chair further and further away from the crib until you are out the door!

Pros: This method allows you to be very hands on at first and then work your way towards hands off as your child gets more used to sleeping without you.

Cons: Can take longer since you have to work your way out of the room, requires the parent to not become frustrated or anxious while they wait for their child to fall asleep.

Check Ins

Works best for children who are 2+ years in age. Not recommended for babies.

The point of this method is to start with frequent, quick checks on your child that gradually space out. These checks happen whether the child is upset or not. The frequency and consistency help toddlers and preschoolers because they come to trust that these checks will happen and it allows them to relax and fall asleep versus thinking of ways to get you back in the room. These checks typically are spaced out as so: One at 30-45 seconds, one at 60 seconds, one at 1.5 minutes, one at 2 minutes, etc.

Pros: Can be very calming for anxious children once they figure out what is going on, can turn into a fun nightly ritual!

Cons: You will need a way to keep your child in their room if they are currently in a bed, this can be very labor-intensive the first few days so you'll need the time set aside for these checks.

 

Quick Checks

Works best for babies over the age of 4 months and can be used up to several years of age depending on your situation.

This method requires that after laying your child down awake you leave the room. You only return to provide brief and boring reassurance at set intervals. Depending on the approach you take, it could be consistent intervals or progressively longer intervals. This method gives your child the space to turn inward for self-soothing while also assuring them that you are still right there.

Pros: Quicker approach than previous methods. allows parents to deal with other children while sleep training (for example if Mom is home alone during the day, she can still watch her other children while nap training).

Cons: Mom and Dad have to feel comfortable with leaving the room as their child is crying

 

Extinction

Works best for families who want to see very quick results and for children over 6 months of age.

With this method, you would put your child in their crib or bed awake and leave the room. You would not return until time for their overnight feeding or morning if they no longer feed overnight.

Pros: Very quick results (usually 2-3 nights), some children will respond best to no parent in the room and no checks if you've tried checks and they just seem to rile them up and drag out the process.

Cons: This is not a good method for every family and not one that I typically use with my clients unless they request it.

Alright, there's your run-down of sleep coaching methods! I hope this was helpful for you to see the options out there. Also, know that while these are the "popular" methods, I tend to mix and match them together as it suites my clients, their needs, and their goals!

If you take a look around my site, you will see lots of mentions of sleep props or sleep associations. You may be wondering, “What IS a sleep prop?”

A sleep prop (also known as a sleep association, crutch, or assist to sleep) can be anything that your baby depends on to fall asleep. All sleep props are not created equal either! Some are extremely helpful for your baby’s sleep while others tend to be less helpful.

First thing I want to mention is that no sleep prop is across-the-board bad. I prefer the terms helpful and unhelpful that I used above. The word bad leads parents to think they’ve done something wrong or that something they are currently doing is an issue. This is not always the case!

 

I cannot stress this enough

If you’re currently using any of the unhelpful props that I mention below but sleep is going just fine for your family, then no need to change it! This post is meant to help families who are struggling get to the root cause of their sleep issues, not to make other families worry unnecessarily! If it’s not broken, don’t fix it!

 

Here are some signs that you might be using an unhelpful sleep prop:

♥Short naps, rarely longer than 30-45 minutes unless you help them back to sleep

♥Frequent night wakings, typically every couple of hours but could even be one or two wakings per night in an older baby

♥Daytime crankiness

♥Fighting going to sleep

♥Often waking within an hour of falling asleep at bedtime and difficult to get back down

♥Trying to start their day early in the morning (before 6am)

♥Unpredictable daytime schedule 

 

So what can be considered an unhelpful sleep prop:

♥Nursing to sleep

♥Bottle feeding to sleep

♥Rocking to sleep

♥Holding to sleep

♥Laying with to fall asleep

♥Pacifier use (particularly if your baby cannot reinsert it themselves)

 

In and of themselves, these things aren’t inherently bad. But if you’re struggling with sleep, here’s what you need to understand. Your baby has the potential to wake up each and every sleep cycle throughout the night and during naps. That’s about every 40-50 minutes! So what your baby needs to fall asleep at bedtime, is exactly what they’ll need to fall back asleep at these wakings. 

 

You have to ask yourself, am I willing to continue offering this sleep prop all throughout the night or after each short little nap in order to get them back to sleep? If that doesn’t sound too enticing then that’s where sleep coaching comes into play!

The goal of sleep coaching is to teach your baby to fall asleep independently. This means that when your baby is laid down in the crib, they should still be awake! 

This is where the rule “drowsy but awake” comes into play. Personally, I prefer the phrase “awake and calm” because there can be some confusion about the word drowsy.

Every time you lay your baby down for sleep (naps and nighttime), ideally they would be awake and calm. Not asleep. Not drifting off. Fully awake.

They should also be calm and primed for sleep (i.e. proper timing, calming bedtime routine, ideal sleep environment). By doing this each and every time you lay your baby down, you are teaching them this important sleep skill, one that they will need to have for the rest of their life!

Using the awake and calm rule is so key that, if a newborn is taught good sleep habits and the awake and calm rule is used gradually from the very beginning, they might never have to go through any sleep coaching! How amazing would that be? I have an entire Newborn Sleep Course all about how to do this and it’s producing amazing results with my mamas!

Now that we’ve gone through all that info, let’s talk about helpful sleep props. These should be things that your child either has some control over or that are always available to them throughout the night/nap so that they aren’t disrupted when they briefly wake.

 

What is considered a helpful sleep prop?

♥White noise

♥Dark sleep environment

♥Sleep sack

♥Predictable bedtime routine

♥Lovey- if over 12 months of age

♥Pacifier if you little one can reinsert it themselves- although I still recommend getting rid of it sooner rather than later

 

These are all things that will aid your baby in getting the most restorative sleep possible, without causing unnecessary wakings or helplessness for them that you will need to attend to.

 

So how do you get rid of unhelpful sleep props?

If you’ve realized after reading this post that you have a big sleep prop issue and you’re ready to make the steps to resolve it, be sure to check out my different services. ⇓

⇒If you feel like you just need someone to tell you what changes to make and how, you may be interested in my Classic Consultation.

⇒If you know this will be a big transition for your family and you’d like my constant support and guidance along the way, my Ultimate Consultation is the way to go!

 

∗You can always Apply to Work with Me and we can talk through the best option for your unique situation.