If you’ve spent any time researching baby sleep, you’ve probably come across some opinions about sleep training. And let’s be honest—some of them can sound pretty extreme.

❌ “Sleep training is just ignoring your baby.”
❌ “It’s a traumatic experience.”
❌ “It’s only a thing because of modern society and the patriarchy.”

But here’s the truth: You’ve been lied to.

Let’s break down five of the biggest myths about sleep training and what you actually need to know.

 

Lie #1: What’s best for the baby is all that matters

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the only thing that matters is what’s “best” for the baby. But here’s the reality: What’s best for baby isn’t actually best for baby if mom is suffering.

Your physical and mental health matters too. When you’re exhausted, burned out, and struggling, that impacts your baby just as much as their sleep does. Prioritizing your well-being isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

 

Lie #2: Sleep training is just ignoring your baby’s cries

One of the biggest misconceptions is that sleep training means walking away and never looking back. But if that were true, it wouldn’t be called a sleep training method.

Sleep training is about teaching your baby independent sleep skills while still responding to them. Do the responses look different from how you’ve been handling sleep? Of course. But sleep training doesn’t mean neglect—it means helping your baby (and yourself) get the rest you need.

 

Lie #3: Sleep training is too stressful for babies

Let’s be real: Life is stressful. And while we don’t want to stress our babies unnecessarily, we also can’t protect them from every little challenge.

Learning to sleep independently might be frustrating for your child at first, but that doesn’t mean it’s harmful. Think about all the things we expect our kids to learn—using a car seat, brushing their teeth, eating solid foods. Some of these come with discomfort and pushback, but they’re still necessary skills.

 

Lie #4: Falling asleep alone is a traumatic experience

I have to tell you, as a foster parent, this lie absolutely infuriates me. Trauma is a real thing that unfortunately, many children do go through as they grow up. But I struggle not to roll my eyes when sleep training is referred to as causing trauma. 

There’s a big difference between learning something new and experiencing trauma. Falling asleep independently may be different from what your baby is used to, and they might not love the change right away. But calling it trauma? That’s a big stretch.

A well-rested baby in a loving home, learning a new skill with supportive parents? That’s not trauma—that’s growth. 

 

Lie #5: Sleep training is a product of Western ideals & the patriarchy

One argument against sleep training is that it only exists because of Western work schedules and societal pressures. And while those factors might play a role in why some parents decide to sleep train, they aren’t the only reasons.

At the end of the day, your job isn’t to fix society. Your job is to do what’s best for your family. If that means sleep training so you can function as a better parent, then that’s what you should do—regardless of what the anti-sleep training crowd says.

 

So where does that leave us?

Next time you come across anti-sleep training rhetoric on your feed, remember this:

✔️ Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your baby.
✔️ Sleep training doesn’t mean ignoring your child.
✔️ All stress is not created equal- there is such a thing as positive stress.
✔️ Learning to sleep independently isn’t traumatic.
✔️ You don’t need to carry the weight of society’s flaws on your shoulders.

So if sleep training is the right choice for your family, go for it—guilt-free. 💛

 

 

Want to work more on your relationship with tears?

Check out my 3 Day Free Crying Challenge here and be sure to check out my other blog post (and YouTube video) about crying here. If you are ready to work with a professional to help you make sustainable sleep changes for your little one... Here is a link to my free scheduler so we can talk through your situation and see if we'd make a good fit to work together!

 

Let’s play a little game: 1 Truth and 1 Lie!

1. When you sleep train, your baby just learns to shut down. ❌
2. Shutdown syndrome is not real. ✅

If you’ve heard the term “shutdown syndrome,” you’re not alone. Many parents fear that sleep training will lead to their babies emotionally “shutting down.” That they'll only stop crying in their crib because they think no one is ever coming. However, I’m here to tell you that this misconception couldn’t be further from the truth!

 

Understanding sleep training

The reality is that when you sleep train, your baby isn’t “shutting down” at all. Instead, they are learning a crucial skill—how to self-settle and fall asleep independently. This process can involve tears as your baby learns this new skill, but crying is a natural part of mastering something unfamiliar. Of course they are going to have some feelings about you making sleep changes and crying is simply their way of expressing themselves. With the right approach to sleep training, you're not causing emotional harm; rather, you’re helping your baby learn how to soothe themselves in a healthy and supportive way.

 

Why shutdown syndrome is a myth

Let’s break down the idea of “shutdown syndrome” further. If this phenomenon were real, we wouldn’t observe sleep-trained babies engaging in typical behaviors like:

• Calling for their parents during the daytime: Sleep-trained babies still seek their parents when they need comfort, attention, or simply a playmate. If they were truly “shut down,” they wouldn’t signal for their parents at all.
• Waking and signaling for necessary night feeds: Many sleep-trained infants still wake during the night for feeds when needed. If they had given up hope that their cries would elicit a response, they would likely stop communicating their needs altogether.
• Experiencing sleep regressions: Sleep regressions are a common part of a baby’s development. They may struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep during growth spurts or developmental milestones, but this behavior shows that they are still very much engaged with their surroundings and learning.

In fact, any mom of a sleep-trained child will attest that the scenarios mentioned above continue to occur even after successful sleep training! This demonstrates that the emotional connection between parent and child remains intact and that the baby is not shutting down but rather developing autonomy. For more nerdy science and research about sleep training, check out this blog where I cite several sources.

 

The benefits of sleep training

Instead of worrying about “shutdown syndrome,” focus on the incredible gift you’re giving your baby: the ability to regulate their own sleep! This skill will not only help them sleep better but also contribute to their overall emotional well-being as they grow.

Sleep training can feel daunting at first, but with the right tools and mindset, it becomes a positive experience for both you and your baby. They will learn that it's okay to express their feelings while also mastering the skills needed to fall asleep independently.

 

Ready to get started?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the idea of sleep training, fear not! My Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies is designed to provide you with straightforward, effective strategies to help you navigate this process confidently. Together, we’ll make sleep training a positive experience for both you and your little one, setting the foundation for healthier sleep habits that last a lifetime. 

Remember, your baby’s sleep journey is a learning experience for both of you, and with the right support, you can help them thrive!

 

Want to work more on your relationship with tears?

Check out my 3 Day Free Crying Challenge here and be sure to check out my other blog post (and YouTube video) about crying here. If you are ready to work with a professional to help you make sustainable sleep changes for your little one... Here is a link to my scheduler so we can talk through your situation and see if we'd make a good fit to work together!

 

Are you a parent wondering about the best age to start sleep training your baby? It's a common concern that plagues many parents, but the answer may be simpler than you think. Let's delve into this often debated topic and shed some light on the best age to embark on the journey of sleep training.

Many parents express concerns about the ideal time to begin sleep training. Here are some common worries:

• 'If we don't sleep train by 6 months, will they always be a poor sleeper?'
• 'Won't my baby just have night wakings forever if I don't do Cry-It-Out (CIO) by 12 months?'
• 'Surely my child can't learn better sleep habits at 4 years of age...'

The reassuring answer to all of these concerns is a resounding "No!"

The truth is, there's no one-size-fits-all magical age for sleep training.

 

The best age to sleep train: when sleep is no longer sustainable

The magical age to start sleep training is simply when your current approach to sleep is no longer sustainable for your family. It's that straightforward! There's no ticking clock, no looming deadline, and you're definitely not screwed if you don't sleep train by {insert age here}!

 

The best age to sleep train: focus on what matters most

Instead of fixating on age, it's more crucial to consider three essential factors:

1. Your Child: Is your child getting the rest they need? Are they generally happy and thriving? The well-being of your little one is paramount.
2. You: Are you coping well with your current sleep situation, or do you desperately need more sleep to function and thrive as a parent? Your well-being matters too. Sometimes moms need this extra reminder too: If the sleep situation is not what's best for YOU, then it's not best for your baby either. Don't let guilt hold you back from being the best parent you can be.
3. Your Family: Are your other children feeling neglected as you cater to one child's sleep habits? Stuck contact napping all day while your toddler spends hours on the tablet? Or are you and your partner struggling to find time to connect and support each other? Is your family thriving, or are you just barely keeping your heads above water?

Take your answers to these questions and use them as your guide to determine if you're ready to start sleep training.

 

The best age to sleep train: more than just CIO

It's important to note that sleep training doesn't automatically mean implementing the Cry-It-Out (CIO) method. It doesn't even necessarily entail promoting independent sleep. What it does mean is that you are making changes to your current sleep routines in favor of more sustainable sleep habits that work for your family. The end goal of sleep training varies from one family to another. And that's okay!

 

By addressing these key considerations, you can make an informed decision about the best age to start sleep training for your child. Remember, there's no magical age, but there is a right time for your unique family. Prioritize your child's well-being, your own, and the harmony of your family when making this important decision.

For more expert advice on baby sleep and sleep training, keep exploring this blog. As a mom of 2 and pediatric sleep consultant, I'm here to support you on your parenting journey.

We've all heard this piece of advice before, "Never wake a sleeping baby!" and as a sleep consultant I've gotten appalled looks when I confess you actually SHOULD wake a sleeping baby sometimes. I thought it'd be helpful to lay out all the reasons and situations where waking a sleeping baby is the right move. Keep reading to find out 4 times you should wake a sleeping baby.

 

Time #1 you should wake a sleeping baby: When you have a newborn sleeping long stretches during the day but not at night

Maybe you have a newborn who is up hourly at night but then daytime comes and they will sleep these big long stretches. Yikes! That's the opposite of what we want!

With newborns, this is usually due to the fact that their circadian rhythm hasn't yet developed (this starts happening around 8-12 weeks) and therefore they really have no clue what's day and what's night. To help them figure this out, our biggest tool is... you guessed it- waking them up during the day!

Daytime naps should be limited to 2 hours during the newborn phase and then baby needs to be woken up, fed, and kept awake for at least a short period of time before you let them fall back asleep. This will be hard work at first but totally worth the extra effort in the end, I promise.

Really struggling with your newborn's sleep? Check out my newborn sleep resources here.

 

Time #2 you should wake a sleeping baby: When your baby is sleeping crappy at night and then making up for it during the day with long, luxurious naps

Similar to #1, but this also applies to babies and toddlers. If they aren't getting good quality night sleep, they may try to make up for it by sleeping A LOT during the day. And if we aren't willing to wake them from naps, it will be really hard to break out of this cycle.

So first order of business is to start capping some those daytime naps so that they can build sleep pressure to sleep more during the night. This will also help you fit in necessary daytime feedings so that nighttime isn't when the bulk of their calories is happening. Download my free nap guide for more details on age-appropriate wake windows and how much daytime sleep is actually necessary.

After you start to shorten their daytime sleep, if you are still struggling with crappy nights, it's time to get to the root issue. Are they sleeping poorly at night because they haven't learned how to regulate their own sleep yet? Is the help you provide to get them to sleep actually hindering their sleep because they can't recreate it?

If you're thinking sleep coaching is the next step, check out my Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies- the affordable sleep course for tired moms who just want to stop stressing about sleep!

 

Time #3 you should wake a sleeping baby: When you need to stabilize the schedule

If you have a child who will wake up super late in the morning (8am or later) and then it throws your whole day off, then waking them in the morning to start their day is necessary. 

Not only does have a consistent morning wake up time help you plan your day, it also helps their internal body clock to have that consistency day in and day out.

I always recommend having a 30 minute wake up range that you follow each and everyday. That could mean 6-6:30am or 6:30-7am, or 7:30-8am- you decide what works best for your family and your child. But then following that wake up range means you don't start your child's day before the early time and you wake them up if they are still sleeping at the later time.

If you have a child who is sleeping in late in the morning and it's making naps difficult and pushing bedtime way later than you'd like, then it absolutely makes sense to wake that sleeping baby!

 

Time #4 you should wake a sleeping baby: When you are close to a nap transition but not quite there yet

Over the course of your child's life you'll go through several nap transitions. These can be tricky but the key to making them successful is that you don't want to rush into them. The longer you can hold them off, the smoother they will go.

That's where waking a sleeping baby comes into play. Maybe you have a champion napper (which is great!) but now you're struggling to fit in that 3rd nap and it's really throwing a wrench in the schedule. You know that your child isn't really ready for a 2 nap schedule yet because they can't last 3 hours in between naps but you also can't seem to fit all three naps plus 4 wake windows in AND have bedtime not be ridiculously late.

It's okay to cap some of your baby's naps in order to make this 3 nap schedule work a little longer until they are more ready for the transition. Sit down and do some quick math. Count backward from your ideal bedtime and figure out what time you need to wake your child from each nap in order to fit everything in. Then take a deep breath and go for it!

Oh, I also get asked this question a lot when it comes to micromanaging a nap schedule like this: "Will this discourage my baby from taking longer naps when they do transition to less naps?" And the answer is no! You won't get your baby *stuck* at shorter naps by waking them now for a period of time.

Already stressing about future nap transition? Check out my Nap Transition Guide which walks you through everything you need to know for all the major nap transitions.

 

 

For more help with your child's sleep, Everything Page. Here I offer freebies, courses, and 1:1 services for each age group!

Is baby sleep developmental? How do we respond to people who claim baby sleep is developmental? This was a recent question in my DMs and I realized I needed more space to unpack this question! This blog will walk through this popular question and the many different rabbit holes that correspond to answering it.

 

First we have to get clear about what is actually being claimed with this statement: Baby sleep is developmental. Is the person saying baby sleep patterns and needs develop and change as your child ages? Or are they trying to say that baby sleep is a developmental milestone so you can’t “rush” it? These are 2 very different questions with very different answers. Next time someone claims baby sleep is developmental- ask them what exactly they mean by that. You may find you agree with them!

 

To address the first possible meaning of this claim, let’s dig in!

 

Sleep is developmental- Sleep needs and patterns change as your child grows and develops.

 

This is TRUE! ⤴

Of course our children’s sleep needs change over time! We see the total amount of sleep our children need decreasing slowly over the months and years. Your child will go through 4 major nap transitions in their life as a result of these changing needs and we see the number of daily naps decreasing until they’re gone around the age of 3-5 years. Along with that we see night sleep consolidating more over the first few months of life. 

 

As far as development goes, your child will go through the 4 month sleep regression (sometime between 3 and 5 months) and this marks a permanent maturing of their sleep cycles. This is the point where your baby’s sleep changes from newborn sleep to adult-like sleep. Their sleep is now comprised of 5 different stages and they can spend more of their sleep in a lighter stage than before. This increases their chances of waking more frequently, maybe even every 45 minutes overnight and during naps!

 

For more info about this regression, check out this blog about preparing for it and this blog for my list of dos and don’ts. 

 

Sleep is a developmental milestone- Your child will fall asleep without help when they are developmentally ready. You can’t teach this skill.

This is FALSE! ⤴

 

With this claim, you’ll often see people compare the skill of walking to better baby sleep. “You can try and practice walking as much as you want, but you can’t teach a young baby to walk before they are developmentally ready. Same thing with sleep.”

 

Unfortunately this is a terrible comparison for so many reasons.

 

If they are trying to claim that sleep (falling asleep with less help and just better sleep in general) is a developmental milestone like walking and talking, unfortunately, that doesn't really hold up to much push back. With developmental milestones (walking, talking, rolling, sitting, etc.) we see children achieving these right around the same age. Not at the exact same age of course but we have certain parameters in place and if you've got an 18 month old who still isn't walking, you have cause for concern and know that your child needs more support from a professional.

 

When looking at sleep, we have newborns who are able to put themselves to sleep successfully and we have 5 year olds who still can't. That is HUGE variability and not what we would expect to see if sleep was truly a developmental milestone.

 

Also worthy of note, if sleep was a developmental milestone, then we would NOT be able to train a child to fall asleep on their own before they reached this "magical" age- whatever that age is. Just like you can't teach a 6 month old to walk no matter how hard you try, you also wouldn't be able to teach a baby to fall asleep on their own before this "magical age." And yet, the research shows time and again that sleep training is extremely effective and beneficial.

 

Now, are there aspects of sleep that are affected by development? Of course! Newborn sleep is very different from 4+ month old sleep (as mentioned above). Sleep is bound to be disrupted by the development of object permanence (hello separation anxiety!), limit testing, imagination and night time fears. Not to mention the effect that new motor skills have on sleep.

 

But that does not mean that we can’t support our babies on a path to better sleep or that they are incapable of falling asleep without outside help.

 

Sleeping through the night is a developmental milestone- Your child will sleep through when they are developmentally ready.

 

This one is TRUE and FALSE! ⤴

 

I 100% agree that we cannot expect newborns to go 12 hours without a feed (although many do). And a 12 month old feeding every 2 hours at night is not what we would expect either.

 

Decreasing night feeds IS something that comes with age and efficiency of feeding. I find after years of working with families that after the age of 6 months we can start actively working towards zero night feeds (as long as the pediatrician agrees, solids are being established, and there are no weight gain/feeding issues). But obviously we would not expect or push a newborn to sleep 12 hours without a feed (although if yours naturally does this- count yourself lucky)!

 

However, people who make the above claim often forget that just because a child wakes and feeds at night it does not mean that feed is nutritionally necessary.

 

The elusive “sleeping through the night” is a misnomer anyways- nobody sleeps through the night without brief awakenings! We are all designed to briefly wake at night between sleep cycles, assess our surroundings, and then fall back asleep if all is well.

 

But if your baby is used to being helped to sleep, they are having these wakings and realizing things are NOT ok. They’re all alone and that is not how they initially fell asleep. Or they no longer have a bottle or breast in their mouth like they did the last time they were awake.

 

When we build these habits in, night after night, that teach our children they need something outside of themselves to go back to sleep, is it any wonder they keep waking? Research shows us that babies who are put down already asleep are more likely to need help to go back to sleep in the night than babies who are put down awake and fall asleep themselves. If we aren’t giving them the tools to regulate their own sleep, then it will be quite a while until they start to “sleep through the night.” This doesn’t make “sleeping through the night” a developmental milestone. It makes it a skill set.

 

Bottom line is this: 

There is no magical time when your child will start sleeping through the night or is suddenly ready to fall asleep without your help…. If you’re waiting for that “developmental milestone” to occur, you may be waiting for a loooong time. 

 

Instead, falling asleep independently and sleeping longer stretches at night is often a direct result of building more sustainable sleep habits for your child.

 

In my professional experience (working with 5 year olds who have never slept independently before working with me), parents tell me they kept waiting for their child to just “figure it out” but the habits they had spent years building (laying with, nursing to sleep, rocking, etc.) were keeping that from happening. They wished they had addressed sleep issues sooner instead of subjecting their family to years of sleeplessness waiting for this non-existent developmental milestone.

 

 

Feeling overwhelmed?

If you feel like you might be ready to start making sleep changes but you're feeling really overwhelmed about where you can even begin... Here is a link to my scheduler so we can talk through your situation and see if we'd make a good fit to work together.

 

 

For baby-proofing tips, see this post that I helped contribute to.

 

 

Please don't hear me say you HAVE to sleep train. That's not the point of this post.  I just want to make sure you know that if you CHOOSE to sleep train, the research is on our side. 

 

We have lots of studies on sleep training, it's effectiveness and its outcomes. Could we use more studies? Sure! We can always use more information! But the info we DO have paints a good picture.

 

AND there is zero evidence that sleep training causes any amount of harm. ZERO. 

Read on to see what the research says about the following areas:

Effectiveness

Does sleep training even work? No doubt you've wondered this and maybe you've even heard that it doesn't work most of the time!

A review of 52 different studies on behavioral interventions for sleep issues was conducted. This review pulled all the data together from these separate studies and found that 94% of them reported significant improvements in infant & child sleep. The conclusion drawn was this was that "behavioral approaches produce reliable & durable changes in bedtime problems & night wakings."

So yes, sleep training does work and IS effective if you are dealing with sleep issues.

Child Benefits

Isn't sleep training kind of selfish? Maybe you've wondered this before. Apart from the obvious benefits of better sleep, we have data from 13 studies that measured daytime behavior in babies & children after sleep intervention.

This data paints a pretty great picture for children who undergo sleep training. Infants who participated in sleep interventions were found to be more secure, predictable, less irritable, and to cry and fuss less following treatment. Parents of older children reported improvements in their children's daytime behavior after participation.

Also important to note is that mothers indicated that sleep interventions had no effect on maintaining the practice of breast feeding or an infant's total daily fluid intake.

So the resounding answer is... sleep training is not done for purely selfish reasons! Your child can benefit as well!

Parental Benefits

We've seen that sleep training is not inherently selfish but let's be honest. You need and deserve sleep too! So even if you've got a bubbly & happy baby who doesn't seem to be bothered by broken sleep, that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't sleep train.

A review of 12 studies that measured parental outcomes after sleep intervention found remarkably consistent results across all studies. Parents exhibited rapid and dramatic improvements in their own mental health status, reporting fewer symptoms of depression, increased sense of parenting efficacy, enhanced marital satisfaction, and reduced parenting stress.

I'd say sleep training looks like a win for parents as well!

sleep training research

Long Term Impacts

Ok, I know what you're thinking.... you saw this article once online that stated that sleep training was damaging for babies and would have negative, long term effects. However, I can assure you that there is ZERO evidence of long term harm when sleep training is used. Seriously. The next time you see a claim like that, look for a link to peer-reviewed research. There won't be one.

This Australian study used 225 families to conduct a randomized trial (the gold standard of study design). Roughly half of the families used sleep interventions while the other half did not (the control group). 5 years later the families answered questionnaires, gave cortisol samples, and experienced a 40-60 minute home visit with researchers.

Between the group that used sleep training interventions and the group that did not, there were no significant differences in any outcomes, including emotional stability, conduct behavior, stress, parent-child closeness, conflict, parent-child attachment, or attachment in general.

The researchers concluded that behavioral sleep techniques have no marked long-lasting effects (positive or negative). Parents and health professionals can confidently use these techniques to reduce the short- to medium-term burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression.

 

So there's the research! I encourage you to follow the links I've provided and do your own reading and digging. Don't feel like you must blindly take my word for it! And if this post helped you out, would you consider sharing it? There's so much mom shaming and fear mongering around sleep training and I'd love to do my part to dispel some of that.

Related blog that you might find interesting:

Sleep Myth: Sleep training is damaging

 

sleep training research

"Put cereal in baby bottle and they'll sleep better!"

Who has heard this sleep myth before?🙋‍♀️

Before we even start, I'm sure someone reading this was able to add cereal to their baby's bottle and it helped them sleep longer. That's great if it worked, but in a majority of cases it doesn't and it is not a recommended practice.

🍼Feeding-wise, if your baby is not old enough to be eating cereal (oatmeal, rice, etc) then it's not a good idea to add it to their bottle. This is not safe and if your child does not possess the oral motor skills this can cause issues.

If your baby is old enough for cereal, then give it to them separately at their usual mealtime.

💤Sleeping-wise, if your baby is waking frequently overnight, it may not be out of hunger every single time. Babies (and adults) wake frequently overnight. There's nothing we can do to change this other than give them the tools they need to fall back asleep.

If the tools they need right now are you helping them, that's okay but you can change that if you're ready!

🔧By giving them the tools to fall asleep on their own, they will eventually be able to do this in the middle of the night when they have these normal biological wakings AND when the wakings aren't due to hunger.

 

Check out my video on Instagram that pokes fun of this myth!