Psst! Scroll to the very bottom to see my screen grabs for easy reference!

Eeek! Daylight Saving Time is ending, but it doesn't have to feel like the end of the world!

I have 2 different plans of action below to help you survive this time shift:

Wondering why bedtime battles happen? If you’re negotiating with your child at bedtime every night, I’ve got some tough love for you…

You are the problem. Not your child.

I know, that stings a little. But hear me out—because the good news is, that means you also have the power to fix it.

Why negotiating at bedtime makes sleep harder

If you’ve ever found yourself saying:

❌ “I just couldn’t convince her to let me leave the room.”
❌ “He wouldn’t listen when I said it was bedtime.”
❌ “She kept asking for just one more book, one more sip of water, one more hug…”

…then bedtime has turned into a debate in your house. And that debate? That’s the real source of your sleep struggles.

Kids thrive on consistency. But when bedtime is a nightly negotiation, the message they’re getting isn’t “this is our bedtime routine,” it’s “I have to push and push to see if I can get more.”

So how do we fix this? By taking the negotiation out of bedtime completely. Here’s how:

Move bedtime to an age-appropriate time

One of the biggest mistakes parents make is pushing bedtime later and later, hoping it will make things easier. But here’s the truth:

A too-late bedtime leads to an overtired child, which leads to more resistance, more stalling, and more frustration for everyone.

Making sure bedtime is early enough (based on your child’s age and daily naptime) will set you up for success before you even start the routine.

Stick to the exact same bedtime routine—every. single. night.

Repetition is key. Your bedtime routine should be predictable and consistent, so your child knows exactly what to expect.

✔️ Keep it short (30 minutes max)
✔️ Follow the same steps in the same order
✔️ Make a bedtime chart if needed

The more consistent you are, the less pushback you’ll get. Eventually, your child will stop trying to test the limits because they’ll know you aren’t budging.

When it’s lights out, it’s lights out

This is where a lot of parents struggle. The routine is done, but then your child starts pulling out all the stops…

🚨 “Just one more story!”
🚨 “I need another hug!”
🚨 “I’m thirsty!”
🚨 “I have to go potty again!”

The second you engage in this back-and-forth, you’re reinforcing the idea that bedtime is up for negotiation. Instead, you have to make it clear:

⏳ The bedtime routine is over.
💡 The lights are out.
🚪 You’re leaving the room.

And once that happens, you’re done responding. No extra stories, no extra snacks, no extra attention.

The show is over if there’s no audience—so stop being the audience. 🤷‍♀️

Pssst! Need a little extra help with this one? Download my free sample scripts to end bedtime stalling here.

Validate feelings, but hold the boundary

Your child might not like bedtime. They might cry, yell, or protest. And that’s okay! Their feelings are valid.

But validating feelings doesn’t mean changing the boundary. You can acknowledge their frustration while still holding firm.

✔️ “I know you really want to keep playing, but sleep time is here.”

✔️ “You’re feeling upset, and I understand. But it’s time for bed.”

✔️ “Snuggle time is over for tonight. We can snuggle as much as you want in the morning though.”

✔️ “It’s hard when things don’t go the way we want, but our bodies need rest.”

No negotiating. No debating. Just a calm, confident response—and then, bedtime stays bedtime.

Imagine a bedtime without battles…

No more “just five more minutes.”
No more “one more story.”
No more endless back-and-forth.

It is possible. And if bedtime is a struggle in your house, I can help.

If you’re looking for additional tips and resources to tackle bedtime struggles, check out my Toddler & Preschooler Sleep Resources here and find my various free and paid resources designed specifically for children aged 2 to 5. Together, we can sort out those sleep woes and get your family back on track for peaceful nights! 

Psst! Scroll to the very bottom to see my screen grabs for easy reference!

Parents tend to get very stressed out about Daylight Saving Time each year. But the good news is that springing forward is much easier on families than falling back! Yay!

In this quick blog (or episode if you prefer to listen) I walk you through the basics with 3 different approaches you can chose from depending on your unique situation. Don't forget to head to the blog link below and get your screen grabs for easy referencing!

*This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my privacy and disclosure statement for more information.

Option #1 for time change

Who should use this option?

• If morning life for you is pretty laid back and you don't have morning appointments that you need to get up and ready for
• OR if you have a child who is waking earlier than you'd like

This one is real simple. Don't change anything and just let them sleep in on Sunday! I'd still wake them by 8am but otherwise, let them sleep in! (Keep in mind, sleeping until 8am on Sunday will actually feel like 7am to their bodies)

Then go on with your day from there. If you use wake windows, continue to use them like usual. If you have set nap times, you'll need to shift them later according to how late your child slept in the morning. But that's it! Easy breezy!

Option #2 for time change

Who should use this option?

• If you have places to be in the mornings so you can't just let your child sleep in
• Also, if your child doesn't seem to be sensitive to schedule changes
• Or if your child is 18 months or older

This one requires little to no prep. Do everything normally with their schedule leading up to Sunday and the time change. On Sunday, you will wake them up at the usual time (according to the clock). So if morning wake up is usually 7am, you will wake them up at that time- even though to their body, that will really feel like 6am.

Then go about your day like usual. No fuss! Use your usual wake windows or your usual set nap times. *This is what me and my family do!*

Option #3 for time change

Who should use this option?

• If you prefer a more gradual approach to time changes
• If your child is younger
• Or if your child is more sensitive to schedule changes

This is the slightly more gradual approach. We still aren't going to spend a ton of time and energy shifting the schedule because that's honestly just making it more complicated than it needs to be! But we are going to spend 2 days adjusting the schedule to be a bit more gradual.

On Sunday, let your child sleep until 30 minutes later according to the clock. So if your child usually wakes at 6:30am, you will let them sleep until 7am on Sunday. This will make everything on Sunday feel like it's shifted roughly 30 minutes later as well- including bedtime.

Then on Monday, wake your child up at their old, usual wake up time. From my example above, that would be 6:30am. Then the rest of your day will fall into place like your typical daily schedule.

Important Reminder

With the clocks changing, it is going to be light in the evenings at bedtime. You need to ensure your child's room is plenty dark at bedtime. I highly recommend BlackoutEZ Window Covers if you need a better window solution. If you need a cheap, quick fix then aluminum foil works wonders! Tape it up over the windows and it completely blocks out all the light!

Bottom line, we need to block the sun from coming into their room at bedtime or else they may have a harder time falling asleep in the evening.

If you have a toddler or preschooler, you will want to start talking to the now about the time change to prep them. This doesn't need to be a high level conversation but something simple: "Winter is almost over and it's almost spring! Yay! That means the sun will stay out later too."

Then you can have the conversation that even though the sun is out later, it is still bedtime according to the clock. Then hold firm with your boundaries if they struggle to adjust. They will get there!

Baby monitors have become a must-have for modern parents, offering peace of mind and a chance to peek in on your little one without disturbing their rest. (This is my personal favorite right now) Many of these monitors come equipped with a talk back feature, allowing you to speak directly to your baby or toddler through the monitor. At first glance, it seems like an easy way to soothe your child without stepping into their room.

But before you hit that button, let’s talk about why less is often more when it comes to baby and toddler sleep. Here are two reasons why using the talk back feature might not be as helpful as it seems—and what to do instead for better results.

Reason #1: It can scare your child

Picture this: You’re lying in a dark room, trying to fall asleep, and suddenly you hear a voice speaking to you—yet there’s no one around. Spooky, right?

For many babies and toddlers, hearing a disembodied voice through the baby monitor can feel just as unsettling. They might not understand where the sound is coming from or why they can hear you but not see you. Instead of calming them, the talk back feature can create confusion or even fear, making it harder for them to settle down.

Young children thrive on connection, but that connection is often strongest when it’s face-to-face. If your child needs comfort, consider physically going into their room instead of relying on the monitor. A reassuring touch or your calm presence can be much more effective than an unfamiliar, out-of-context voice.

Reason #2: It sets an expectation for immediate responses

Using the talk back feature can unintentionally create a new sleep challenge: the expectation that every time your child stirs, they’ll hear your voice right away.

This can quickly lead to a cycle where your child begins to wake more frequently, expecting interaction each time. While it may seem harmless at first, it can escalate into a habit where your little one starts "chatting" with you through the monitor during the night, rather than self-settling back to sleep.

Consistency is key to helping children develop independent sleep skills. When you avoid the talk back feature, you’re teaching your child that nighttime is for rest—not for conversations, negotiations, or back-and-forth interactions.

What to do instead

If your child truly needs comfort in the middle of the night, it’s better to go into their room and soothe them directly. A brief visit where you calmly reassure them with your presence and words can work wonders without adding confusion or creating new habits.

A few tips for in-person reassurance:

• Don't rush right into their room. Instead pause, listen, and see if they can resettle without you first. Delaying gratification is key with habitual wakings.
• Keep the lights dim or off to maintain a sleepy atmosphere.
• Use a gentle, soothing voice to reassure them.
• Keep interactions brief to avoid overstimulation.

This approach not only provides the connection your child needs but also gives them the space to fall back asleep without, build confidence in being alone in their room, and helps reinforce healthy sleep boundaries.

Need extra support?

If you’re looking for additional tips and resources to tackle bedtime struggles, I’m here to help! Check out my Toddler & Preschooler Sleep Resources here and find my various free and paid resources designed specifically for children aged 2 to 5. Together, we can sort out those sleep woes and get your family back on track for peaceful nights! 

Hey there, toddler moms! Let’s have some real talk about toddler bedtime routines...

We all know that bedtime can be a struggle. There are a million reasons your little one might resist sleep, but I’m here to share one super simple tip that could make a huge difference in your toddler's bedtime routine. Are you ready for it?

Have a set number of books that you read each night before bed.

Now, that number can be anywhere from 1 to 20—it really doesn’t matter! (although you do want to make sure it's a number of books that you are perfectly okay with reading every. single. night.) What’s crucial is that you stick to that number consistently night after night. This simple act helps your toddler see and understand your bedtime boundaries, making the transition to sleep smoother for everyone involved.

Why consistency matters for toddler bedtime routines

So, why do families who follow this simple tip tend to have more success at bedtime? Great question! 🤷🏻‍♀️

1. They aren’t afraid to say no:
   When you establish a set number of bedtime stories, you empower yourself to say no to those last-minute requests for “just one more book.” Sure, it might come with some protests or tears, but by standing firm, you reinforce the boundaries you've set.
2. Reduces testing behavior:
   Consistent boundaries help prevent your toddler from getting stuck in testing mode. If they know there’s a set number of books every night, they won’t feel the need to constantly push limits, thinking they might get lucky and convince you to read more. When children are conditioned to test boundaries repeatedly, it can lead to frustration for both them and you. By being clear and consistent, you help your toddler understand that bedtime is a process with defined limits.

Building a foundation of calm and clear boundaries for toddler bedtime routines

Having a foundation of clear, consistent, and calm boundaries is hugely important—especially if you’re struggling at bedtime. Implementing this one simple tip about reading a set number of books can be an effective way to start building that foundation.

With your toddler knowing exactly what to expect each night, you can help them feel secure and relaxed, making the transition to sleep much easier.

Need extra support?

If you’re looking for additional tips and resources to tackle bedtime struggles, I’m here to help! Check out my Toddler & Preschooler Sleep Resources here and find my various free and paid resources designed specifically for children aged 2 to 5. Together, we can sort out those sleep woes and get your family back on track for peaceful nights! 

As parents, we often feel an instinctive need to intervene when we hear our child cry. It’s almost like a reflex—our hearts race, and we leap into action, ready to put out what we perceive as a fire. But what if I told you that crying isn’t a fire that needs to be extinguished immediately? Instead, what if crying is simply a form of communication from our little ones, expressing needs and emotions that require our support rather than a quick fix?

The nature of crying

Crying is a natural and important part of childhood. It serves as one of the primary ways our babies and toddlers communicate their feelings, needs, and discomforts. When we treat crying like a crisis, we risk missing out on valuable opportunities to connect with our children and understand their emotional landscape.

It’s understandable why crying can be so unsettling. As parents, we instinctively want to protect our children from discomfort, which can lead to the knee-jerk reaction to immediately intervene. However, this response can unintentionally convey to our children that their feelings are not valid or that they need to be "fixed." Done repeatedly over the years it can also keep our children from having to feel and work through discomfort in life and lose valuable practice at coping with uncomfortable situations and feelings.

Reframing our perspective

One of the most significant hurdles parents face when working to improve their child’s sleep is the fear of crying. Many parents hesitate to pursue sleep training or changes in bedtime routines because they dread the tears that may accompany those changes. But here's the truth: crying does not always signify a problem that needs to be solved.

In fact, learning to embrace crying as a natural part of development can help us approach parenting—and sleep challenges—with a fresh perspective. Just because I'm a sleep consultant does not mean I enjoy making children cry! My goal is to help parents navigate these emotional moments with understanding and compassion.

By reframing our view of crying, we can start to see it as a normal emotional expression rather than a disaster. Instead of feeling the pressure to “fix” the situation right away, we can approach our children with empathy, recognizing that sometimes they just need our support as they navigate their emotions.

Support through the tears

When a child cries, it can be a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself what your child might be trying to communicate. Are they tired? Overstimulated? Seeking comfort? Are they simply upset because they are struggling with this new and hard thing? By tuning in to what they might be saying, we can better support them in the moment.

Instead of rushing to soothe the tears away, consider offering comfort without trying to eliminate the crying (or the problem). You might sit with them, provide gentle reassurance, or simply hold their hand. This approach not only helps validate their feelings but also teaches them that it’s okay to experience and express emotions, even when they’re difficult.

Embracing the journey

As parents, we have the incredible opportunity to guide our children through their emotional experiences. Embracing crying as a natural part of life—rather than a fire that needs to be put out—can lead to healthier emotional development for our little ones.

This shift in mindset can be especially beneficial during sleep challenges. Instead of viewing crying as a signal of failure, we can see it as part of the learning process. When we allow our children to express themselves, we foster resilience and emotional intelligence that will serve them well throughout their lives.

Finding balance in parenting

Reflecting on my parenting journey, I wish I had known these tools earlier. Embracing the reality that crying is not a fire to be extinguished, but a natural part of emotional development, has profoundly changed how I approach parenting and sleep.

So, the next time you hear your child cry, take a moment to breathe. Instead of rushing to stop the tears, consider how you can support them through this emotional moment. It might not always be easy, but together, we can learn to navigate the complexities of parenting and embrace the beauty of our children’s emotional experiences.

Want to work more on your relationship with tears?

Check out my 3 Day Free Crying Challenge here and be sure to check out my other blog post (and YouTube video) about crying here. If you are ready to work with a professional to help you make sustainable sleep changes for your little one... Here is a link to my scheduler so we can talk through your situation and see if we'd make a good fit to work together!

To bedtime snack or not to bedtime snack, that is the question. Here are some bedtime snack tips that I’ve put together with Alyssa, the dietitian behind nutritionforlittles.com. 

Bedtime snack for toddlers tip #1

If you offer a bedtime snack, it should be offered consistently as a “built in” part of your nightly routine. Bedtime snacks can be a great thing but we don’t want to only offer it if they don’t eat well at dinner. We get to decide the “when” of eating which means we set the schedule. 

So we assess our kids' current eating and what hunger cues we see and decide on what works best for them and the family as a whole. Then if a bedtime snack makes sense, offer it! But choose to offer it consistently, independently of how you think they ate the meal before.

If they seem to be skipping dinner frequently or needing another opportunity to eat then a bedtime snack might be a good idea or at the very least changing what time dinner is offered.

Bedtime snack for toddlers tip #2

Have a set time that the bedtime snack is offered and a set time that bedtime snack is over. This ensures that your child is not able to use the bedtime snack as a stalling tactic at bedtime. Kids can be really good at pinpointing the weaknesses in our boundaries around sleep so it’s best to find the ideal time you offer a bedtime snack and the ideal time to end it (even if your child hasn’t finished eating).

This might look like offering a bedtime snack during a bedtime story. Then once the story is over, snacktime is over too.

Or maybe a bedtime snack is the very first step you offer before you head upstairs to start the bedtime routine. Set a 5-10 minute timer at the start of snack and then when the timer goes off, it’s time to head upstairs and start brushing teeth.

When it comes to toddler and preschooler bedtimes, remember, YOU are the parent and you are allowed to set and hold boundaries that are in the family’s best interest. 

Bedtime snack for toddlers tip #3

Keep it boring. Whatever you offer, it shouldn’t be the pinnacle of daytime eating. We don’t want to incentivize skipping dinner and we definitely don’t want to get them all hyped up right before wind down. If your child isn’t interested in the boring snack option, then they probably aren’t that hungry and you can move onto the next step of your nightly routine.

When building your bedtime snack plate be sure to keep it balanced, offer some protein, fiber (not too much though) and fat to keep them satisfied and full for a good night of sleep.

Let's talk some bedtime snack ideas next! When offering a bedtime snack we want to consider offering a complex carb option with a side of protein like:

→toast and nut butter

→banana and a cup of whole milk

→cheese sticks and crackers

Dairy also contains tryptophan which is a precursor to serotonin and serotonin is a precursor to melatonin (our sleepy hormone) so it can be a great option.

Foods to avoid before bedtime would be anything containing high sugar, high fiber, and/or caffeine as these can delay and interrupt sleep.

Last thing I want to say... if you're struggling with bedtime right now, it could be that your issue goes much deeper than whether to bedtime snack or not. So I wanted to take a moment to share some valuable resources that can support you during this time. I've got you covered!

First up, let me introduce you to my Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Little Kids. It's my affordable sleep course for overwhelmed moms who want to end the bedtime battles. It's a comprehensive resource that provides practical tips, guidance, and strategies to foster a healthy relationship with sleep for your child. 

Now, you might be wondering, what if your little one was previously a fantastic sleeper but is now experiencing sleep difficulties out of nowhere? That's where my Toddler Sleep Reset comes in. Designed specifically for parents of previously good sleepers, this workshop addresses the unique challenges that arise during toddlerhood. You'll learn proven strategies to help your little one maintain healthy sleep habits and overcome any hurdles that may arise so you can get your good sleeper back. It's a game-changer, trust me!

White noise can make such a difference when it comes to your child's sleep. But with it's use comes a lot of questions and concerns. This post is designed to answer the most common questions I get about white noise so you can make an informed decision for your family.

*This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my privacy and disclosure statement for more information.

Why use white noise to sleep and not lullabies?

I always recommend true white noise over crashing waves, rain sounds, or even calming music. But why? Because true white noise is meant to block out stimulating sounds. The sound isn’t changing if you use true white noise. But if you use any of those other options, there are changes that you can hear.

Our brains are always processing stimuli, even when asleep. These changes can be stimulating and if your child is in a lighter stage of sleep, these changes may even stimulate their brain enough to pull them out of sleep. That’s obviously NOT what we want! So I always prefer to use white noise so we know that it is working for us and not against us with sleep. 

Is pink noise and brown noise the same as white noise?

Pink and brown noise work just as well as white noise when it comes to sleep. White noise is made by using all the frequencies at once. Pink noise lowers the highest frequencies a bit and brown noise lowers them even further.

Many people actually prefer pink and brown noise over white noise because it sounds less harsh. No matter which color you choose, all will help block out stimulating sounds and help your baby fall asleep quicker and have better quality of sleep.

How loud is too loud for white noise to sleep?

As a parent, this question can be a hard one to find an answer to! Right off the bat, we know that prolonged listening to 85 decibels or higher can cause hearing damage so we want to stay away from that high decibel level.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends using 50 decibels of less in a hospital setting. I recommend that you use a decibel level around 60-65. Here’s why:

1. 60 decibels is about the level of normal everyday conversation. Your baby is used to this level of decibels on a daily basis. When you realize that normal conversation happens at this level, you can see how it’s not going to be harmful to the ears. Our ears were designed to communicate with each other frequently!
2. The recommendation of 50 decibels in a hospital setting is just that. It’s meant for hospitals where machines are beeping, people are coming in and out of patient rooms frequently, and there’s lots of different voices and chit chat. That is obviously a very different setting from your child’s quiet room when there is only white noise playing.
3. 60-65 decibels is still far below the upper limit of 85 decibels (which for reference could sound like a hair dryer or blender or lawn mower).

Won’t my child become dependent on white noise to sleep?

Yes, they likely will! But just like with any sleep habit (rocking to sleep, pacifier use, etc) we can make changes. If you don’t want your child to use white noise forever, you can change it at any time! Or you can wait until they are old enough to request to change it themselves.

I hear from parents a lot that they have this fear of dependency for sleep but honestly, it’s not a huge deal. White noise can easily be transported with your family for when you travel. Even if you forget your white noise, I’m willing to bet you’ve got an extra device with you that can play white noise from an app.

On top of that, we don’t seem to place the same fear of dependency on things like pillows and night lights and comfy blankets. So I think it really comes down to whether you believe the research that shows white noise improves the quality of sleep. If you do, then why would we consider it a bad thing to use for sleep?

When should my child stop using white noise to sleep?

Because white noise improves our quality of sleep, even most adults could benefit from sleeping with white noise so you don’t necessarily have to wean your child off! But, if you are really set on weaning your child off of white noise at some point in the future, I recommend waiting until after 3-4 years of age so that you’ve passed most of the big sleep transitions and milestones (toddler sleep, crib to bed transition, dropping naps, new siblings being added, etc). When you get to that point, you can just turn the volume down a little bit each night until it’s gone! Easy breezy.

Can white noise to sleep cause developmental delays or processing problems?

This question is rampant right now online and on social media. But let me ease your mind on this one, there is nothing in the research that shows correlation between white noise use for sleep time and any kind of delay or disorder. And if there isn’t even correlational evidence, then there certainly isn’t causal evidence either.

Most of the studies I’ve seen people incorrectly cite about these concerns are based on rats being exposed to white noise 24/7 and often at a much higher decibel level (85+) than is ever recommended. Of course there would be an issue if your child was subjected to high levels of white noise all the time. This would obviously negatively impact their ability to hear and process language and therefore their ability to communicate effectively. But that is a far cry from using it during sleep time only and at normal decibel levels.

If you see this claim being made, I’d encourage you to ask for the peer-reviewed research, then go and read it, and you’ll see that none of these claims have anything to do with using white noise responsibly for sleep.

Wanna know more about white noise? Check out my other white noise blog: White noise: Why it’s a non-negotiable for sleep. And head here to see the white noise machines I personally use and recommend.

Need more help than just white noise? Check out my resources for various ages:

Recently, I had a call with a mom and she expressed to me that if we worked together, her husband wouldn't be available to help with night wakings because he had to go to work during the day and she didn't- she just stayed home with the kids. Plus she had been handling all the night wakings to this point because she exclusively breastfed so there was nothing her husband could do anyways. 

This mom was also *drowning* in sleeplessness and desperately in need of help. She spent much of the conversation on the verge of tears because of her sleep deprivation and how much she felt she was failing as a new mother.

I wish I could say that this was a first for me but unfortunately I talk to moms who feel this exhausted and frustrated and without help all the time. 

I want to share my tips for how your non-nursing partner can help with night wakings but first, I think we need to talk about the fact that this goes way beyond breastfeeding. Even among families who use formula, there is an overwhelming number of stay at homes who “just” stay home with the kids so they become the default night parent.

Furthermore, there are plenty of working moms who also find themselves in the position of being the default nighttime parent simply because they are women.

So yeah. I have a little soapbox I need to get on for a quick moment, and then we will proceed with the tips below:

First off, let me lead with this (so I'm not misunderstood and so I don't come across as judgmental) ⤵️

👉If you and your partner have communicated and decided on a night solution that works for both parties, then it's not a problem if one parent is in charge of most night wakings.

*Full disclosure, when my second son was a newborn, I was in charge of night wakings and my husband slept in another room for a bit.*

But here's why it worked:
✨I wasn't drowning in sleeplessness. Was I tired, yes. Was I at the end of my rope at that time? Not even close.
✨ We talked about it. If I had not been comfortable with that set up, I would have objected and we would have come up with a different plan.
✨ It wasn't assumed that just because I was a stay at home, I should be the one in charge of night wakings. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Stay at home moms, I need you to hear this: Staying home with the kids and keeping them alive and thriving is a FULL👏TIME👏JOB. Your partner working out of the house all day is not an excuse, in and of itself, to leave the nighttime parenting all on your shoulders! Full. Stop.

Working moms, I need you to hear this: Being on shift all day AND all night does not have to be your default! Your partner can help with nights too. I don’t care if they have to be up early for work or if they stay up too late working. They can handle night wakings too.

We cannot be afraid to open communication with our significant others and get help. Parenting doesn’t have to be a perfect 50/50 split but roles DO need to be discussed and understood and compromised and appreciated.

Maybe they don't know how much you're drowning. Maybe experiencing a night or two of what you're going through would incentivize them to help you form a plan for better sleep. 🤷‍♀️ But let's stop taking it upon ourselves to be the martyrs without asking (or demanding if it comes to that) help from our partners.

👉Also, I'll throw this in because it's a thought in my head as well... I am breaking generational cycles that have been passed down. Where the women are expected to do all the parenting and the men are expected to bring home a paycheck. I am *SO* happy that my boys will grow up seeing that their Dad is just as much their caregiver as I am. 💗

Anyways! Onto the tips for ways non-nursing partners can help you with night wakings…

Being a nursing mother does not have to mean you’re handling all the night wakes without help.

Tip #1 Split shifts at night

Typically babies can go their longest stretches of sleep in the first half of the night. So have the non-nursing partner take the first shift and handle any wakings. Then the nursing mom can be on shift for the second half of the night. You can even split things up more and have the non-nursing partner back on shift in the early am when baby might just need to be held/rocked to sleep an extra hour or so and let the nursing mom sleep in.

Tip #2 Split night waking duties

When baby wakes for a feed, the nursing mom can go tend to baby and feed it. Then, if the baby struggles to go back down right away, the non-nursing parent can tap in at that point and stay up until baby is asleep. This can really help the nursing mom cut down on her awake time during the night, especially if your child has trouble going back to sleep after feedings.

Tip #3 Opposite night waking duty split

When baby wakes for a feed, the non-nursing parent can go get the baby, change diaper if necessary, and bring the baby to mom. This will give mom a chance to set up for the feeding or spend a few extra precious minutes resting before breastfeeding.

Tip #4 Non-feeding wakings handled by non-nursing partner

Some babies will wake often at night, but it’s more of a habit/lack of independent sleep skill issue than a hunger issue. In these wakings, where the baby doesn’t nutritionally need a feed, the non-nursing parent can handle 100% of these. The nursing mom really only needs to be involved when the waking is out of hunger. Pro-tip: start this from a young age! It’s not unusual for babies to develop preferences to nurse/pacify back to sleep but if the non-nursing partner is handling half the wakings, it really helps to avoid this. Babies who are used to only being settled by mom and nursing, will struggle to accept comfort from the other parent. This is something you have to work at so mom doesn’t become a human pacifier.

Tip #5 When other children are involved...

The non-nursing parent can be in charge of any other children who are regularly waking or randomly waking at night. Depending on how you decide to split up duties, the non-nursing parent may also be in charge of bedtime for other children and handling early morning wakings as well. Like the last tip, this isn’t something that will come easily or naturally if you haven’t implemented it from day 1. But I promise you, it is worth it! Your kids deserve to see that both parents can tend to them and care for them and love them. And the nursing mom deserves to have a partner that is willing to put in the effort and help her!

Moms, if you're struggling with your own sleep, check out this podcast episode I recorded last year. Episode 27. Ten sleep tips for moms.

Yup, I'm saying it. Drowsy but awake doesn't work for most families. 🤷‍♀️

Right off the bat I know that there will be someone commenting that they successfully implemented drowsy but awake - and I'm happy for them! But after talking with thousands of parents, I can tell you it does NOT work for most little ones.

Let me explain why first:

Reason #1 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

Getting a baby drowsy and then transferring them to their sleep space is no easy feat! Most little ones will pop right awake and then lucky you! You get to start the whole ordeal all over again. How fun (not)!

Reason #2 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

I've also noticed that when repeated unsuccessful transfers happen, the child starts to anticipate and fight drowsiness. They are making the connection that once they let go and relax, you will set them down. They don't want this so they resist sleep even more. The opposite of what we want! 

Reason #3 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

The other issue with drowsy but awake is that it often doesn't fix the root problem. Maybe you can lay your little one down drowsy but does it help with frequent night wakings, early mornings, and short naps? Probably not. Your child will still need you to come get them to a drowsy state before they'll go back down.

Reason #4 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

Using drowsy but awake becomes less and less effective with age and alertness. It *can* be helpful in the newborn stage but after that it becomes more elusive. And eventually your baby becomes a toddler who becomes a preschooler and along the way it just stops working. These older kids will especially fight falling asleep because they are smart and if they decide they don't want to sleep, they know how to resist and stall.

Reason #5 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

Lastly, drowsy but awake is honestly just impossible to gauge! Seriously, what does it mean? What does it look like? I'd probably get 50 different answers if I asked this question. It's very very subjective which makes it difficult to use and implement.

So what do I recommend instead? Laying down *fully* awake!

Besides the fact that it's just way easier to even know what 'awake' means and looks like, there are several other reasons why it just makes sense- especially if you're struggling in the sleep department!

Reason #1 to lay down fully awake

It keeps your child from being jolted awake in a new place. Aka, it’s not a bait and switch. Imagine falling asleep in your bed and waking up on the kitchen floor... yikes! That's often how our children feel when we snuggle them to sleep and then they wake up all alone. This is really jarring and can make it even harder for them to fall back asleep.

Reason #2 to lay down fully awake

It gives your child the tools to connect their own sleep cycles. Listen up, we ALL have biologically normal night wakings. ALL of us! As adults, we've had lots of practice falling right back asleep when we wake. But our children may not have the tools to fall back asleep without signaling for help. By laying them down awake we are giving them the opportunity to hone these skills. This makes a HUGE difference when it comes to false starts at bedtime, unnecessary night wakings, early morning wake ups, and short naps.

Reason #3 to lay down fully awake

Getting drowsy becomes less effective over time. As children grow and develop, they can become harder to settle and put to sleep. It's also not unusual for your presence to become too stimulating for the process of falling asleep. A child who is resisting your help and fighting sleep is another reason to work on laying them down awake. If your “help” isn’t actually helping them, then maybe they are signaling to you that what you’re trying is not actually helpful.

As far as logistics go...

✨I recommend making sure baby is fully awake during the entire bedtime routine

✨Then lay them down at the right time and in the right sleep environment

✨Have a sleep coaching method you feel comfortable with and apply it while they adjust to the change!

Need a little more help navigating this recommendation?

First up, let me introduce you to my Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies. It's an affordable sleep course for overwhelmed moms who want to stop *stressing* about sleep and actually start sleeping again. This course is an online, self-paced course that teaches you all about how to sleep coach (and lay down awake) in the crib. It sets up a day-by-day plan for teaching independent sleep so you can stop second-guessing yourself every step of the way. This course is specifically geared towards 4-24 months. It's like having a trusted sleep expert right by your side.

Now, you might be thinking, I can purchase a course but will I actually have the confidence and motivation to follow through with it? If you feel like you'd benefit from more accountability and 1:1 support, that's where my 1:1 Consultations come in. These are designed specifically to give your the clear plan & calm support that you need as we work towards better sleep for your little one. I provide 3 different levels of phone & email support so you can choose the option that makes the most sense for your unique family. These consultations are a game-changer, trust me!