I get this dreaded question on a weekly basis from my followers. I know the fear it can strike in the hearts of mothers when their toddler suddenly stops napping. It causes us to go into catastrophe mode and worry that they will never ever nap again! But, I’m here to bring some calm, reason, and helpful tips to you. Most likely your toddler is NOT done napping- seriously. So don’t freak out, and let’s talk through some basics like: when you can expect your toddler to stop napping for good, what causes nap refusals, how to get your toddler back to napping, and (worse case scenario) what to do if the nap is gone for good.

 

What age do children stop napping?

Every child is different, of course- but I typically find that a majority of children will stop napping between 3-5 years of age. This is a wide range but here’s where you get to use your experience as your child’s parent to help you fine tune this range. If your child has typically had low sleep needs, then it’s likely they will drop their nap on the early side of this range- around 3 years. If your child has typically had high sleep needs, then you can expect them to drop their nap closer to 5 years. If your child has seemed pretty average and follows typical wake windows and sleep schedules, then they will probably fall smack dab in the center around 4 years.

 

Now, what do I mean by low and high sleep needs? If your child has lower sleep needs, then they get less sleep in a 24 hour period than their peers. However, and this is a BIG point, they still seem well-rested and they are getting plenty of sleep for their body. This is such a big point because I often talk to families who think they have a low sleep needs child but the child is clearly not getting enough sleep. They are tired, cranky, wake up in a bad mood constantly, and simply don’t know how to get the sleep their body needs. 

 

These are usually families who have not worked on healthy sleep habits and therefore their child is constantly fighting sleep not because they don’t need it, but because they’ve been conditioned to fight sleep over the months and years. Keep this in mind as you try to assess whether your child is really done napping or not.

 

What causes nap refusal?

Nap resistance and refusal can come about for all kinds of different reasons. 

• Sometimes it’s directly related to the arrival (or impending arrival) of a new sibling. This can be a big change for your toddler and is likely to throw off sleep for a time as they adjust. 
• Sometimes it’s connected to the crib to bed transition. This transition can be a doozy for many families and the challenges it presents can bleed over into nap time. Read more about handling this transition here.
• Sometimes it’s simply par for the course with toddlers. Toddlers are learning to be independent, they are learning that they can “No,” and they are constantly testing boundaries. Resistance at nap time is no exception to this. Check out more about Toddler Sleep and Why It Sucks if this sounds familiar.
• Sometimes a schedule tweak is overdue and by making small changes to the sleep schedule, the resistance will dissipate. At this age, it’s important to anchor the nap at a specific time each day. Right around 1pm is good for most little ones between 2-5 years. If your child tends to sleep in past 7am in the morning, you may need to shift nap time later than 1pm.

 

How do I get my toddler to keep napping?

The biggest piece of advice I want to offer here is CONSISTENCY. Without it, you will continue to have sleep issues. Consistency is so incredibly important for our testing toddlers and preschoolers. 

 

This means that nap time is still offered every single day- regardless of whether your toddler naps or not. Many parents get tripped up by thinking they need to “make” their toddler nap. But that thinking gets us into trouble. You can’t “make” your toddler nap anymore than you can make them like the pink cup or use an inside voice. You cannot control when your toddler falls asleep, how long it takes them to fall asleep, or how long they sleep. What you CAN control are the boundaries you create around sleep time, their sleep environment, the timing of sleep, and the consistency with which you offer all these things.

 

When your child resists their nap, simply continue to offer their nap time each and every day. Give them warnings about impending nap time, do your nap time routine, narrate and validate their big feelings about not wanting to nap, and hold the boundary. They don’t have to sleep during nap time. In fact, I encourage families not to say, “Go to sleep. You need to sleep now.” and instead just tell your little one, “It’s okay if you’re not tired, just rest your body.”

 

Have a set amount of time (I recommend 45 minutes minimum) that you keep your child in their crib or room during nap time and if they aren’t asleep when that time is up, then you can get them up and go on with your day. Don’t focus on the fact that they didn’t nap. Instead say something like, “Good job resting your body. I know it’s hard to do sometimes. Now that nap time is over, let’s play.”

 

By doing these things, you are keeping the framework of nap time in place so that when their brain is done resisting and when their body needs the sleep, they will be able to settle and fall asleep for nap time again!

 

What do I do while I wait for my toddler to start napping again?

This may take a couple days or a couple weeks for your toddler to start napping again. That’s okay. This is a normal part of toddlerhood. Even once they start napping again, you may have days here and there where they stay awake the whole nap time.

 

On the days where your toddler doesn’t nap, you’ll want to offer bedtime earlier than usual. This is to help them “make up” for the lost nap sleep and keep them from becoming overtired. A good general rule of thumb is to allow 12 hours of overnight sleep for a toddler or preschooler who skips their nap. That means if your toddler typically wakes up at 6:30am, you will want to put bedtime at 6:30pm in order to allow their body the chance to get the rest they need.

 

What if the nap is gone forever? 

In some cases, your child will be done napping forever. And I know that can be a really hard pill to swallow. However, just because your child no longer needs a midday nap, that doesn’t mean your child no longer needs a midday rest. I strongly encourage parents to offer a daily quiet time (screen-free) once the nap is gone. This gives the child a chance to rest and practice independent play and it gives parents a time to decompress and rest too. I wrote more extensively here about developing a quiet time.

 

I know this can be an incredibly challenging time in toddlerhood but try to remain calm and patient. Whatever comes, with the right attitude and follow through, you'll get through this! Take this tidbit with you as you go: You can do hard things & so can your child! 

 

Gearing up for your next nap transition? Then this blog is for you!

 

What are signs that I should drop a nap?

First off is age. Transitions work best when they happen at the following ages:

4 to 3 naps at 4 months

3 to 2 naps between 7 and 9 months

2 to 1 naps between 15 and 18 months

1 to 0 naps between 3 and 5 years

 

Secondly, here are some signs once you're within the recommended age range:

1. Unusual night wakings
2. Earlier morning wake ups than usual
3. Inability to fall asleep for some or all naps
4. Waking up happy from short naps
5. Struggling to offer enough awake time between sleeps while also keeping bedtime before 8pm

 

Now, we like to see a pattern with these 5 signs rather than just a random weird night here or there. If things are going well for the most part, then there’s no reason to drop a nap ASAP! 

How do I drop a nap?

4 naps to 3 naps (At 4 months)

This is probably the easiest transition you’ll go through! It will involve moving bedtime quite a bit earlier to account for the lost nap and this can be hard, especially if you’re dealing with short naps (be sure to check out my free guide for short naps!)

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩Start by stretching your wake windows. 

✩Once you’ve maxed out your wake windows at roughly 1.75-2 hours, then it’s time to make the switch and drop nap 4.

✩Bedtime may be after 8pm before the transition and as early as 6pm after the transition, this is okay!

 

3 naps to 2 naps (At 7-9 months)

This transition isn’t quite as easy as 4 to 3 but it’s still fairly straight forward. It can get a bit messier because I find that nap 3 can be pretty elusive as you get closer to this transition. If you find yourself in a pattern of consistently missing nap 3, it might be time!

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩Start by stretching your wake windows.

✩Once you’ve maxed out your wake windows at roughly 2.5-2.75 hours, then it’s time to make the switch and drop nap 3.

✩There may be some flip-flopping between 2 and 3 nap days and that’s okay. But if it persists past 7-10 days, then I’d commit to 2 nap days and push through

✩Again, bedtime will be on the later end right before the transition and then jump to early right after the transition. This gives them the chance to make up for the lost nap and to recover from the longer wake windows

2 naps to 1 nap (At 15-18 months)

This one is the BIG one! Such a big transition for your little one and this transition will take time. Buckle up for 2-4 weeks of transitioning and rougher than usual sleep. The goal with this transition is to be prepared and do it slowly.

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩Hitting 15 months does not mean that you HAVE to transition. If sleep is going fine, then don’t rush it.

✩You’ll start by pushing nap 1 later and later.

✩Once nap 1 is ending late enough, that’s when you’ll cut out the second nap completely.

✩Again, bedtime will be on the later end right before the transition and then jump to early right after the transition. This gives them the chance to make up for the lost nap and to recover from the longer wake windows

 

1 nap to no nap (At 3-5 years)

This is the transition that I find happens more naturally. We REALLY want to keep that nap until at least 3 years of age, so if you find yourself with a 2 year old who is trying to drop their nap, it’s probably more related to limit testing than them being physically ready to drop it. Be sure to check out my blog about Toddler Sleep And Why It Sucks if this is you!

 

Things to know for this transition:

✩For a while you may flip flop between nap days and no nap days, this is totally okay! Go with it!

✩On no nap days, don’t be afraid to pull bedtime earlier to make up for the lack of a nap.

✩On nap days, it’s okay to wake them from their nap in order to make bedtime easier. Ideally we’d want their nap ending by 3pm but you can cut it off earlier if you need to!

✩Even once the nap is gone, you still want to keep a daily quiet time in place. See this post for a more detailed overview of how to introduce quiet time for your preschooler.

 

Hope this was helpful and don’t forget, for children who are independent sleepers already, I offer nap transition calls so that you don’t have to go through this alone!

As I type this post, my 3 and 5 year old are having their daily quiet time in their rooms. When I tell people that my boys have this time daily for about 2 hours, most parents are amazed and ask, “How can I get my child to stay in their room quietly for quiet time each day?!”

 

Not only is quiet time extremely beneficial for kids but it gives moms and dads a much needed mid day break as well. Honestly, I would have lost my sanity quite a while ago without daily quiet time. I’m not going to go into WHY quiet time is important in this post but feel free to do some extra reading if you’d like! 

So let’s talk about some of the specifics of this elusive quiet time.

 

*This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my privacy and disclosure statement for more information.

 

What is quiet time for toddlers and preschoolers?

Quiet time is simply a period of unstructured, calm time for your child. This usually takes place in your child’s room. And is an opportunity for their bodies and brains to rest and slow down once their afternoon nap has gone away. I recommend doing this everyday so that it’s never a fight and your child will grow to expect it.

When should I introduce quiet time for my child?

Ideally, your child would continue napping until at least 3 years of age and then once that nap was disappearing, you would start to introduce quiet time (more on how to do this below). I caution you not to introduce quiet time too early though. If you have a child under 3 who is struggling with naps, be sure to check out my blog on Toddler Sleep. 

Currently my 5 year old still has a daily quiet time and I intend for him to continue it until he starts kindergarten in the fall. Even once he’s in kindergarten, I plan to give him a shorter quiet time since he will be home by 2:40pm. I know he’ll need it even more after a full day of school and business. 

For more info on when your toddler may stop napping, check out this post by Snooze.net: When do toddlers stop napping?

How long should quiet time be?

I like to see quiet time lasting anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours. And I’ll be honest, a lot of days, I push my boys’ time to 3 hours (this is when I get most of my work done)! If quiet time is a brand new concept for your toddler or preschooler, I suggest starting small and working your way up. Start at first with about 15-20 minutes. Then you can gradually increase from there. 

Having a visual way for your child to see how much time is left can be really helpful, especially as they are getting used to this new habit. It will help them visually see how much time has passed and how much time is left. This particular one can be set up to 2 hours but they also make shorter (and cheaper) ones as well!

Another great option to visually show your child when their quiet time is up is the Mella Toddler Clock (save 10% with code: allthesleeps10). It has a built in nap timer that you can set for as little as 15 minutes and up to 3 hours! When the time is up, it turns green and your child knows that quiet time is over!

How should I introduce quiet time?

This is where it can get a little more complicated but I’m going to give you some tips and ideas depending on your current situation.

 

Situation 1:

Your child stopped napping a while ago and you are looking for a way to reintroduce that daily rest and quiet time. If this is you, I’d start small like I mentioned above. Start at 15 minutes a day and gradually increase it until quiet time is 45 minutes to 2 hours long. If you know it will be like pulling teeth to get your child to stay in their room without you, start by staying in the room with them. Take something for yourself to do (book, laptop, laundry, etc) and tell them that it’s quiet time. You don’t have to ignore them but avoid giving in and playing with them or and keep any interaction to a bare minimum.

Once they get more comfortable with that, then you can start excusing yourself to go use the bathroom, wash the dishes, or something else while they stay in their room. If they try to leave their room, be sure to enforce it rather than just letting it slide. That will help them to stop testing those boundaries around quiet time. 

Situation 2:

Your child naps some days but not reliably and you think that you probably aren’t far from naps ending.

If this is you, we still want to keep naps in place as long as your child needs them. But if you notice they are only napping about half the days of the week, you can start to give them quiet time days throughout the week.

Go through the days of the week with your child and let them pick which ones will be nap days and which ones will be quiet time days. If you know they have a busy morning on certain days, try to retain the nap on those afternoons. Save quiet time for your laid back days instead.

By letting your child go through with you and choose, we are giving them some control back and helping them to accept the naps on nap days. Obviously on nap days, we wouldn’t let them have any toys or supplies or in their rooms since we want them napping.

 

Situation 3:

Your child still naps everyday but you want to be as prepared as possible for when those naps start going away.

Yay! If your child is still napping, keep it up! Most 3 year olds still need a nap so you’re doing great. Even if your child runs into a temporary nap strike, keep pushing forward with nap time versus quiet time. Once you’ve had several weeks of nap refusals AND staying consistent, that’s when it’s a sign that you can start to gradually introduce quiet time. 

*Note: If your child was napping everyday previously and suddenly starts resisting every single nap, this is much more likely to be regression or testing related rather than a sign that they don’t need a nap. This is when it’s important to remain consistent around your routines and avoid over-helping to sleep at nap time.

More tips and tricks:

1. Have a quiet time box. Fill it with simple activities that your child can do without your help. If they will need your help to do puzzles, avoid putting those kinds of items in there. This could be things like Legos, blocks, coloring, race cars, books, dolls, stickers etc. 
2. I suggest having a box because it’s easy to transport in and out of their room. This box should be removed for bedtime and if you are keeping naps on some day then the box should be removed those days as well.
3. Keep this box special just for quiet time. Try to avoid letting your child play with these specific items outside of quiet time. This keeps the box of goodies more special and can act as a motivator to look forward to.
4. Be sure that you only provide items to play with that you trust your child with. I allow itty bitty Lego pieces with my boys but that’s because I know they will not be putting them in their mouths. I don’t yet allow my 3 year old to have markers because I’m not entirely sure he won’t draw on the walls! Keep it age-appropriate. 🙂   

 

Personally speaking, I cannot express to you guys how much having a daily quiet time has benefited my boys. My oldest spends the entire time making lego creations, playing pretend in his room, and drawing masterpieces. It is truly a joy to watch the ways he has learned to entertain and grow his mind without my help at all! 

 

My younger son is still newer to quiet time so he’s still figuring things out but he has also grown into playing pretend on his with his race cars and singing lots of songs during his time. 

 

Lastly, it has made such a difference for ME as well! Being a mom of 2 boys while working from home is no easy feat but this daily quiet time gives me the chance to sit down and catch my breath.