If you take a look around my site, you will see lots of mentions of sleep props or sleep associations. You may be wondering, “What IS a sleep prop?”

A sleep prop (also known as a sleep association, crutch, or assist to sleep) can be anything that your baby depends on to fall asleep. All sleep props are not created equal either! Some are extremely helpful for your baby’s sleep while others tend to be less helpful.

First thing I want to mention is that no sleep prop is across-the-board bad. I prefer the terms helpful and unhelpful that I used above. The word bad leads parents to think they’ve done something wrong or that something they are currently doing is an issue. This is not always the case!

 

I cannot stress this enough

If you’re currently using any of the unhelpful props that I mention below but sleep is going just fine for your family, then no need to change it! This post is meant to help families who are struggling get to the root cause of their sleep issues, not to make other families worry unnecessarily! If it’s not broken, don’t fix it!

 

Here are some signs that you might be using an unhelpful sleep prop:

♥Short naps, rarely longer than 30-45 minutes unless you help them back to sleep

♥Frequent night wakings, typically every couple of hours but could even be one or two wakings per night in an older baby

♥Daytime crankiness

♥Fighting going to sleep

♥Often waking within an hour of falling asleep at bedtime and difficult to get back down

♥Trying to start their day early in the morning (before 6am)

♥Unpredictable daytime schedule 

 

So what can be considered an unhelpful sleep prop:

♥Nursing to sleep

♥Bottle feeding to sleep

♥Rocking to sleep

♥Holding to sleep

♥Laying with to fall asleep

♥Pacifier use (particularly if your baby cannot reinsert it themselves)

 

In and of themselves, these things aren’t inherently bad. But if you’re struggling with sleep, here’s what you need to understand. Your baby has the potential to wake up each and every sleep cycle throughout the night and during naps. That’s about every 40-50 minutes! So what your baby needs to fall asleep at bedtime, is exactly what they’ll need to fall back asleep at these wakings. 

 

You have to ask yourself, am I willing to continue offering this sleep prop all throughout the night or after each short little nap in order to get them back to sleep? If that doesn’t sound too enticing then that’s where sleep coaching comes into play!

The goal of sleep coaching is to teach your baby to fall asleep independently. This means that when your baby is laid down in the crib, they should still be awake! 

This is where the rule “drowsy but awake” comes into play. Personally, I prefer the phrase “awake and calm” because there can be some confusion about the word drowsy.

Every time you lay your baby down for sleep (naps and nighttime), ideally they would be awake and calm. Not asleep. Not drifting off. Fully awake.

They should also be calm and primed for sleep (i.e. proper timing, calming bedtime routine, ideal sleep environment). By doing this each and every time you lay your baby down, you are teaching them this important sleep skill, one that they will need to have for the rest of their life!

Using the awake and calm rule is so key that, if a newborn is taught good sleep habits and the awake and calm rule is used gradually from the very beginning, they might never have to go through any sleep coaching! How amazing would that be? I have an entire Newborn Sleep Course all about how to do this and it’s producing amazing results with my mamas!

Now that we’ve gone through all that info, let’s talk about helpful sleep props. These should be things that your child either has some control over or that are always available to them throughout the night/nap so that they aren’t disrupted when they briefly wake.

 

What is considered a helpful sleep prop?

♥White noise

♥Dark sleep environment

♥Sleep sack

♥Predictable bedtime routine

♥Lovey- if over 12 months of age

♥Pacifier if you little one can reinsert it themselves- although I still recommend getting rid of it sooner rather than later

 

These are all things that will aid your baby in getting the most restorative sleep possible, without causing unnecessary wakings or helplessness for them that you will need to attend to.

 

So how do you get rid of unhelpful sleep props?

If you’ve realized after reading this post that you have a big sleep prop issue and you’re ready to make the steps to resolve it, be sure to check out my different services. ⇓

⇒If you feel like you just need someone to tell you what changes to make and how, you may be interested in my Classic Consultation.

⇒If you know this will be a big transition for your family and you’d like my constant support and guidance along the way, my Ultimate Consultation is the way to go!

 

∗You can always Apply to Work with Me and we can talk through the best option for your unique situation.

Imagine this with me:

Your baby has been getting into a sleeping rhythm. You can almost predict when he will wake from his naps, how long it will take him to fall asleep at bedtime, and what time he will wake at night to feed, if at all.

Then, out of nowhere, his sleep gets all messed up and before you know it, he is barely napping, taking forever to fall asleep at bedtime, and waking every hour overnight!

Has this scenario happened to you before? I've just described what a sleep "regression" can feel like. Why the quotations around regression? I'm glad you asked!

Changing our mindset

First, I'm giving you a challenge. I challenge you to look at sleep "regressions" in a positive light. None of this, "Oh, woe is me. My baby is going through a sleep regression."

Instead why don't we think, "Wow! My baby is learning new things and developing new skills. And, although his sleep is being temporarily thrown off, I'm so glad my baby is progressing!"

To be honest, a lot of people don't even use the phrase sleep regressions anymore, they instead call them sleep progressions.

Now that we have our attitudes right about sleep "regressions," lets talk about how to get through them!

My #1 mantra for getting through any sleep regression is:

Don't start anything you don't wish to continue

What does that look like when applied practically? Here are some examples!

1. Have a 3.5 month old that has been sleeping long stretches at night for a while but suddenly is waking every hour? Don't start feeding them every hour unless that is something you want to continue doing.

2. Have a 10 month old who is standing in their crib at nap time instead of laying down and sleeping? Don't go in repeatedly to lay them down unless you'd like to continue doing that over and over.

3. Have an 18 month old going through separation anxiety and not wanting you to leave? Don't start staying in their room until they fall asleep unless you'd like to continue doing that long term.

4. Have a 2 year old who is fighting their naps? Don't give up nap time unless you are really ready to give it up completely.

 

I know, I know. Some of these might sound harsh but I can tell you from experience that this is where I see parents get tripped up. Let me play the above scenarios out a little more so you can see what commonly happens:

1. That 3.5 month old started waking every hour and the parents worried it was some kind of growth spurt so they started feeding for EVERY SINGLE WAKING. Now, their baby is taking in a majority of their calories overnight, they are uninterested and distracted eating during the day, AND they now associate falling asleep with needing a feeding.

2. That 10 month old kept popping up when Mom would lay him down. Mom enters the room probably 10+ times each night to lay him back down, but to no avail. Finally, Mom gets sick of it and decides to just hold him until he's drowsy before laying him down to avoid the pop up dance. Now he has grown to expect being held to sleep and if Mom wants to stop, she'll have to do some re-training.

3. The 18 month old experiences some separation anxiety and cries for Mom and Dad as soon as they leave the room. Instead of lovingly pushing the child through this stage, the parents decide to stay in the room and hold the child's hand until they fall asleep and then sneak out. Eventually, the child becomes fearful of when Mom and Dad will leave the room and starts fighting sleep because of it. Then, a month later, even though the separation anxiety phase is gone, the hand holding is now expected by the child each night and any subsequent time they wake overnight.

4. The 2 year old went on a nap strike (which is VERY normal) so Dad stopped making nap time a daily occurrence. The toddler learned that if he fought it enough he wouldn't have to do nap time and miss out on all the fun Dad was having in the afternoon. Now the 2 year old is no longer napping and it is meltdown city come 5pm each and every day.

 

*Before we move on, I want to be clear about what I'm NOT saying. I'm NOT saying that you have to ignore your child or that you can't offer comfort when it's needed. You CAN do those things! Just be mindful of how much you are helping and what your child has been capable of up until this point. Try not to over-help and always be curious about what is the least amount of help you can offer so that their sleep isn't totally derailed during these "regressions."

What ages do sleep "regressions" happen?

Depending on where you look, you may see that sleep "regressions" happen at lots of different points throughout your baby's life. Each regression is usually linked to different milestones, both physical and mental, that your baby is working on and obviously some babies reach these milestones at very different ages.

Below is a breakdown of when sleep "regressions" may occur but remember these ages can vary greatly. These sleep "regressions" can last anywhere from 1-6 weeks.

4 Months

Your baby's sleep is changing to become more adult-like at this stage. He is also becoming more alert and engaged in the world around him so previous methods of rocking to sleep become more and more ineffective as time goes on.

Unfortunately, this sleep "regression" is a more permanent fixture as your baby's sleep is not going to return to what it was like as a newborn. Now is the time to start thinking about sleep coaching if you haven't before. This particular regression is a doozy and in fact, I've written an entire blog about The Dreaded 4 Month Sleep Regression.

6-7 Months

This is around the time that your baby is learning to sit up and possibly crawl. If your baby is sitting up in their crib but not able to lay back down by themselves, give them lots of practice during their wake times! And if you must go in and help them during sleep times, guide them to the right position rather than just picking them up and laying them down yourself.

Solid foods are often started at this point as well and that can lead some poorly timed poops and constipation in some cases. Take the introduction of solids slowly to avoid constipation. If your baby poops during a nap or overnight, try to change them with as little stimulation as possible (keep the room very dark, avoid eye contact and chatting, and then put them right back in the crib). If they continue to poop with bad timing, experiment with feeding at different times or trying different foods to see if you can adjust their pooping times.

8-10 Months

Separation anxiety can rear its ugly head at this age which makes leaving your baby at sleep times especially heart wrenching. Stay consistent with your routines and your baby will gain confidence and security from the familiar patterns.

Get extra snuggles during the day but avoid over-helping at night. Your child might also start pulling themselves up to standing in their crib. Avoid the pitfall of repeatedly laying them down over and over. If they can't lay down themselves, practice, practice, practice during the day! Also, read my blog on Separation Anxiety for more helpful tips!

12 Months

Separation anxiety can also occur at this age for some babies. Language is really developing here, and you might hear your baby laying in his crib and babbling for hours if you let him.

At this age, parents often make the mistake of assuming their child is ready for just 1 nap, when really they probably aren't ready. Making that transition to 1 nap too soon will just cause more issues down the line as the over-tiredness catches up.

Keep offering your 2 naps consistently and within a week or so, your baby should settle back into their routine.

15-18 Months

This "regression" can center around several transitions. Your baby is probably walking around this age, and they are learning that they can say, "No."

This new defiance is rough, but stay firm with your sleep expectations and they will stop resisting once they understand you are serious.

This is also the age that a 2-1 nap transition should occur and it can take several weeks to make this transition. If you'd like help to guide you through this big nap transition, reach out to me and I can tell you about my Nap Transition Package!

2 years

Toddlers are really good at testing boundaries as well as having FOMO. Nighttime fears can also start cropping up now where they haven't before.

All of these factors combined can lead to bedtime and nap time resistance. Your 2 year old is NOT ready to give up their nap, even though they might go through a period of resisting it.

Likewise, avoid giving in to multiple bedtime requests for water, re-tucking, etc. I've also outlined an entire blog post about how tricky Toddler Sleep can be so check it out if you're struggling here. 

 

Ummm, that's practically my baby's whole first 2 years of life?!

I know that looks like a LOT of sleep "regressions" so before you freak out... Not every baby will be affected by every sleep "regression."

Additionally, babies who are on a consistent schedule with consistent expectations and healthy sleep habits will be less bothered and better equipped to handle any sleep "regression."

 

Hope this was helpful and don’t forget, for children who are independent sleepers already, I offer troubleshooting calls so that you don’t have to go through this alone!