If you've ever asked a simple baby sleep question online and immediately regretted it… you're not alone.

Maybe you just wanted to know how long your baby should be awake between naps, or how to reduce night wakings and suddenly you're caught in a heated debate about cry it out vs. cosleeping, sleep training vs. “just go with the flow.”

It's overwhelming. It’s loud. And it can leave you feeling more confused than when you started.

Let’s change that.

Why baby sleep advice feels so overwhelming

The truth is, there’s no shortage of strong opinions when it comes to baby sleep. Everyone seems to have a different approach and many believe their way is the only way.

It’s not always easy to separate fact from fear based advice.

As a certified sleep consultant (and a mom who’s been through it myself), I know how tempting it is to dive into every blog, podcast, or Facebook thread. But the reality? That often leads to information overload, not clarity.

The resource I wish more parents knew about

That’s why I want to share a recent find, one I think more parents should know about.

This resource is a detailed, research-based overview of baby sleep, written by a third party who has no "skin in the game."
✅ It’s not from a sleep consultant.
✅ It’s not from someone who’s “anti” sleep training.
✅ It’s simply… research.

Here’s what it covers:

• What research studies are actually out there about sleep training

• Which studies are often used incorrectly to draw conclusions (even though they have nothing to do with sleep training)

• How the divide between pro- and anti-sleep training views stacks up against the actual body of available research

📌 You can read it here → Is sleep training harmful?

Let’s bring the calm back to sleep conversations

My goal has always been to help tired moms cut through the noise, find what works for their baby, and feel good about it. Whether that’s sleep training, tweaking routines, or simply understanding what’s normal.

You don’t have to do this alone.
You don’t have to pick a “side.”
And you definitely don’t have to keep doom scrolling through mom group debates.

✨ Instead? Start here, with clarity and confidence: Is sleep training harmful?

You deserve sleep advice that helps you feel informed, not overwhelmed.

Want more personalized support?

If you’ve read the research and feel ready to make changes, I’d love to support you with a step-by-step plan tailored to your baby and your values.

🩷 You can explore my 1:1 support or affordable DIY sleep shop.

Is it just a sleep regression? Or something else... We've all been there—waiting, hoping, surviving. Your baby was sleeping just fine, and then out of nowhere, the wake-ups start. You tell yourself, "It’s just a phase. It’ll pass." And sure, sometimes sleep regressions really do resolve on their own. But what if they don’t? What if weeks (or months) later, your baby's sleep is still a struggle?

 

The misconception: “It’s just a regression. It will pass!”

You’ve probably heard this advice before: "It’s just a sleep regression. Give it time, and your baby will go back to sleeping well."

And yes, temporary disruptions in sleep due to developmental leaps, teething, or illness can improve on their own. But here’s the thing—if you’re stuck in unsustainable sleep habits while waiting for things to magically get better, there’s a chance this isn’t just a phase anymore.

 

The reality: A regression can quickly become a habit

Here’s how it happens:

• A sleep regression begins – Your baby suddenly wakes frequently or resists sleep.
• Survival mode kicks in – You start rocking, feeding, or co-sleeping just to get some rest.
• Weeks pass… and nothing changes – The "phase" is still going strong because your baby now expects those sleep habits every time they wake up.

If this sounds familiar, your baby’s sleep struggles may no longer be a temporary regression but a learned sleep pattern.

 

How do you know it’s more than just a regression?

If your baby or toddler only falls asleep with one (or more) of the following, and you feel stuck, it’s likely that a sleep habit has formed:

• Rocking or holding until fully asleep
• Feeding every time they wake up (even if they weren’t doing that before)
• You lying next to them until they doze off
• Motion sleep (stroller, car, etc.)

The good news? Instead of passively waiting for sleep to improve, you can take small, intentional steps to break the cycle and create sustainable sleep habits.

Also, be sure to take a look at my FREE sleep regression flowchart if you're still unsure whether it's a sleep regression or not.

 

How to get sleep back on track

If your baby’s sleep has gone off the rails, you’re not alone. The key is to be proactive rather than waiting it out. You can start by:

• Creating consistent, predictable bedtime routines
• Gradually removing sleep associations that aren’t working for you
• Teaching your child independent sleep skills so they can resettle on their own

 

Need a plan of action?

If you’re ready to move past the endless wake-ups and teach your baby to sleep independently, my Sleep Coaching Crash Course (4-24 months) can help! This course walks you through exactly how to:

✅ Teach your baby to fall asleep independently in their crib
✅ Night wean (if needed) and reduce night wakings
✅ Follow a clear, day-by-day sleep training plan
✅ Feel confident and consistent—so your baby actually sleeps!

You don’t have to wait and hope for better sleep. You can take action today. Check out my sleep coaching program to get started. Let's teach your little one how to love sleep!

If you’ve spent any time researching baby sleep, you’ve probably come across some opinions about sleep training. And let’s be honest, some of them can sound pretty extreme.

❌ “Sleep training is just ignoring your baby.”
❌ “It’s a traumatic experience.”
❌ “It’s only a thing because of modern society and patriarchy.”

But here’s the truth: You’ve been lied to.

Let’s break down five of the biggest myths about sleep training and what you actually need to know.

 

Lie #1: What’s best for the baby is all that matters

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the only thing that matters is what’s “best” for the baby. But here’s the reality: What’s best for baby isn’t actually best for baby if mom (or the  whole family in general) is suffering.

Your physical and mental health matters too. When you’re exhausted, burned out, and struggling, that impacts your baby just as much as their sleep does. Prioritizing your well being isn’t selfish. It’s essential.

 

Lie #2: Sleep training is just ignoring your baby’s cries

One of the biggest misconceptions is that sleep training means walking away and never looking back. But if that were true, it wouldn’t be called a sleep training method.

Sleep training is about teaching your baby independent sleep skills while still responding to them. Do the responses look different from how you’ve been handling sleep? Of course. But sleep training doesn’t mean neglect. It means helping your baby (and yourself) get the rest you need.

 

Lie #3: Sleep training is too stressful for babies

Let’s be real: Life is stressful. And while we don’t want to stress our babies unnecessarily, we also can’t protect them from every little challenge.

Learning to sleep independently might be frustrating for your child at first, but that doesn’t mean it’s harmful. Think about all the things we expect our kids to learn: getting used to a car seat, brushing their teeth, eating solid foods. Some of these come with discomfort and pushback, but they’re still necessary skills.

 

Lie #4: Falling asleep alone is a traumatic experience

I have to tell you, as a former foster parent, this one absolutely infuriates me. Trauma is a very real thing with very real consequences and unfortunately many children do go through trauma as they grow up. But I struggle not to roll my eyes when sleep training is referred to as traumatic.

There’s a big difference between learning something new and experiencing trauma. Falling asleep independently in the safety of their familiar home and with responsive parents may be different from what your baby is used to, and they might not love the change right away. But calling it trauma? That’s a big stretch.

A well rested baby in a loving home, learning a new skill with supportive parents? That’s not trauma. That’s growth!

 

Lie #5: Sleep training is a product of Western ideals & the patriarchy

One argument against sleep training is that it only exists because of Western work schedules and societal pressures. And while those factors might play a role in why some parents decide to sleep train, they aren’t the only reasons.

At the end of the day, your job isn’t to fix society. Your job is to do what’s best for your family. If that means sleep training so you can function as a better parent, then that’s what you should do...regardless of what the anti-sleep training crowd says.

 

So where does that leave us?

Next time you come across anti-sleep training rhetoric on your feed, remember this:

✔️ Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your baby.
✔️ Sleep training doesn’t mean ignoring your child.
✔️ All stress is not created equal- there is such a thing as positive stress.
✔️ Learning to sleep independently isn’t traumatic.
✔️ You don’t need to carry the weight of society’s flaws on your shoulders.

So if sleep training is the right choice for your family, go for it and leave the guilt behind. 🩷

 

 

Want to work more on your relationship with tears?

Check out my 3 Day Free Crying Challenge here and be sure to check out my other blog post (and YouTube video) about crying here. If you are ready to work with a professional to help you make sustainable sleep changes for your little one... Here is a link to my free scheduler so we can talk through your situation and see if we'd make a good fit to work together!

 

Sleep training expectations... ah, the blissful world of dreams and perfect sleep schedules! I *know* it is so tempting to live in a bubble of wishful thinking when it comes to baby and toddler sleep, but the reality can be quite different. If you’ve been thinking about sleep training soon, you might be accidentally setting your sights on lofty expectations.

I'm going to set the record straight for you (sorry, not sorry)! But you’ll appreciate this tough love later, I promise. While dreaming of a perfect sleeper can be comforting, these high expectations can lead to disappointment during the sleep training process and prevent you from recognizing the progress your little one is actually making.

Let’s break down some common expectations versus the realities of baby and toddler sleep training, along with my advice to help you navigate this journey.

 

Sleep training expectation 1: It should only take about 3 nights of sleep training for all my baby’s sleep issues to be fixed.

Reality: Three nights is often not enough to resolve all sleep problems for most families.

My Advice: Approach sleep training with a two week timeframe in mind. This duration allows you to establish a new rhythm and gives your baby the time they need to adjust to changes. Remember, consistency is key, and it might take a little longer to see significant results.

 

Sleep training expectation 2: Soon my baby will be sleeping 12 hour nights every single night!

Reality: Not all babies are capable of sleeping 12 hours straight, and that’s completely normal.

My Advice: Set a more reasonable goal of around 10 to 12 hours of sleep, depending on your baby’s age and needs. Understand that every child is different, and their sleep patterns can vary. Focus on creating a positive sleep environment, and let’s see what unfolds!

 

Sleep training expectation 3: Once I sleep train, my child will follow an exact schedule every single day.

Reality: While sleep training can help create more predictable sleep patterns, don’t expect your child to adhere to a rigid schedule.

My Advice: Keep in mind that we are raising little humans, not robots! Flexibility is essential, and small variations in sleep times are entirely normal. Embrace the ebb and flow of your child’s natural rhythm.

 

Sleep training expectation 4: If I use a really gradual sleep training method, then I won’t have to hear any crying!

Reality: Even the most gradual “no cry” methods may involve some tears.

My Advice: Don’t fear crying. It’s a natural emotional response from your child as they adapt to sleep changes. Understand that your child is expressing their feelings, and that’s okay! Being there to support them through these emotions is crucial, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.

 

 

Ready to tackle sleep training?

With the right approach, sleep training can transform not just your baby’s sleep, but your entire family’s quality of life. If you’re ready to start on this journey and help your baby sleep soundly, check out my Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies! This step by step guide will equip you with the tools and confidence you need to navigate sleep training successfully. Let's teach your little one how to love sleep!

Baby monitors have become a must-have for modern parents, offering peace of mind and a chance to peek in on your little one without disturbing their rest. (This is my personal favorite right now) Many of these monitors come equipped with a talk back feature, allowing you to speak directly to your baby or toddler through the monitor. At first glance, it seems like an easy way to soothe your child without stepping into their room.

But before you hit that button, let’s talk about why less is often more when it comes to baby and toddler sleep. Here are two reasons why using the talk back feature might not be as helpful as it seems—and what to do instead for better results.

 

Reason #1: It can scare your child

Picture this: You’re lying in a dark room, trying to fall asleep, and suddenly you hear a voice speaking to you—yet there’s no one around. Spooky, right?

For many babies and toddlers, hearing a disembodied voice through the baby monitor can feel just as unsettling. They might not understand where the sound is coming from or why they can hear you but not see you. Instead of calming them, the talk back feature can create confusion or even fear, making it harder for them to settle down.

Young children thrive on connection, but that connection is often strongest when it’s face-to-face. If your child needs comfort, consider physically going into their room instead of relying on the monitor. A reassuring touch or your calm presence can be much more effective than an unfamiliar, out-of-context voice.

 

Reason #2: It sets an expectation for immediate responses

Using the talk back feature can unintentionally create a new sleep challenge: the expectation that every time your child stirs, they’ll hear your voice right away.

This can quickly lead to a cycle where your child begins to wake more frequently, expecting interaction each time. While it may seem harmless at first, it can escalate into a habit where your little one starts "chatting" with you through the monitor during the night, rather than self-settling back to sleep.

Consistency is key to helping children develop independent sleep skills. When you avoid the talk back feature, you’re teaching your child that nighttime is for rest—not for conversations, negotiations, or back-and-forth interactions.

 

What to do instead

If your child truly needs comfort in the middle of the night, it’s better to go into their room and soothe them directly. A brief visit where you calmly reassure them with your presence and words can work wonders without adding confusion or creating new habits.

A few tips for in-person reassurance:

• Don't rush right into their room. Instead pause, listen, and see if they can resettle without you first. Delaying gratification is key with habitual wakings.
• Keep the lights dim or off to maintain a sleepy atmosphere.
• Use a gentle, soothing voice to reassure them.
• Keep interactions brief to avoid overstimulation.

This approach not only provides the connection your child needs but also gives them the space to fall back asleep without, build confidence in being alone in their room, and helps reinforce healthy sleep boundaries.

 

Need extra support?

If you’re looking for additional tips and resources to tackle bedtime struggles, I’m here to help! Check out my Toddler & Preschooler Sleep Resources here and find my various free and paid resources designed specifically for children aged 2 to 5. Together, we can sort out those sleep woes and get your family back on track for peaceful nights! 

 

 

 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the idea of sleep training your little one, you’re not alone! Many parents share the same worries and uncertainties, but I'm here to help you navigate this journey with confidence. Sleep training is a valuable tool that can lead to better sleep for both your baby and yourself. Not only do I have some quick answers to your most asked questions about sleep training, but I also have linked a lot of good, free resources to dive even deeper into these answers. Let’s tackle some of the most frequently asked questions to hopefully make the process less intimidating before you get started. 

 

Will sleep training hurt my bond with my baby?

One of the most common concerns parents have is whether sleep training will negatively impact their relationship with their baby. The answer is a resounding no! In fact, sleep training can strengthen your bond as both you and your baby get the rest you need. A well-rested parent is more emotionally available, attentive, loving, and attuned, which can enhance the connection you have with your little one. So, rest assured, prioritizing sleep is a way to nurture your relationship. To see the research that backs up this answer, head to this blog.

 

How do I know if we are ready for sleep training?

If sleep feels like a struggle and your current habits seem unsustainable, you are likely ready to consider sleep training. Signs that it's time include frequent night wakings, difficulty falling asleep, or an increasingly cranky baby due to lack of rest. Remember, sleep is crucial for your baby's development, so if it’s becoming a challenge, it’s time to explore your options. I talk more in depth about 4 reasons you might be ready to sleep train here.

 

How long will sleep training take?

The duration of sleep training can vary depending on your family’s situation and the approach you choose. However, many families report small improvements within just a few days and by 2 weeks of consistency, many families feel they are settling into new habits and already enjoying the benefits of sleep coaching. The key is commitment and consistency. It may seem daunting initially, but with dedication, you’ll be on your way to better sleep before you know it!

 

Is it okay if my baby cries during sleep training?

It is absolutely normal for crying to occur as your baby learns a new way routine and a new way to fall asleep. Think of it as part of the learning process. You’ll be right there providing comfort and support as they navigate this new skill. Remember, you’re not abandoning your child; you’re teaching them a valuable tool for sleep. I know that crying can be a big hang-up for parents when thinking about sleep training so I have put together this great resource for you all about how to re-frame your thoughts on crying here and here.

 

What if my baby wakes up hungry in the night?

Nighttime feeds are completely normal for babies, especially in the early months. Sleep training focuses on reducing unnecessary wakings while still allowing for those essential feeds. If your baby is genuinely hungry, it’s important to meet that need. The goal is to create a balance that supports both their nutritional needs and their ability to sleep well. Not sure if your baby is actually hungry overnight or just eating out of habit or comfort? See this blog to find out!

 

What if my baby is teething or going through a regression? Should I wait to sleep train?

You can absolutely still pursue sleep training during teething or developmental regressions! There’s rarely a “perfect time” for sleep training, as there will always be bumps along the road. Instead of waiting for ideal conditions, consider using gentle sleep training methods that can accommodate your baby’s changing needs. Flexibility is key but don't wait for the "perfect time" to get started or you might find you still haven't made the time until your baby is a preschooler (or older)! Also, I've created this free handy sleep regression flowchart that I think every parent should have! Check it out here.

 

Ready to tackle sleep training?

With the right approach, sleep training can transform not just your baby’s sleep, but your entire family’s quality of life. If you’re ready to start on this journey and help your baby sleep soundly, check out my Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies! This step-by-step guide will equip you with the tools and confidence you need to navigate sleep training successfully. Let's teach your little one how to love sleep!

Do you and baby need a sleep change? As a parent, it's not uncommon to hit a rough patch when it comes to sleep. If you’re noticing some unusual behaviors in your baby or feeling more exhausted than usual, it might be time for a change. Here are four signs that you and your little one need to reassess your sleep strategies:

 

Sign #1: Fighting falling asleep

Does your baby seem to resist sleep more than ever? If they’re fighting the act of falling asleep, it’s a sign that their current sleep habits may no longer be working. Babies who lack independent sleep skills often feel like they need your help to fall asleep. This reliance can lead to frustration, both for you and them, especially as they grow older. Your attempts to help them might have actually become too stimulating, making it even harder for them to settle down. If your child is resisting against you, this is a big sign that they are showing you they need more independence- not more help.

Little ones who are taught to fall asleep on their own in their cribs no longer feel the need to fight falling asleep or get overstimulated by your assistance. They learn to become comfortable in their boring, sleep environment and regulate their own sleep needs.

 

Sign #2: Frequent night wakings

Night wakings are a normal part of sleep for all humans, but if your baby wakes frequently during the night, it’s crucial to assess why. Without the tools to resettle back to sleep on their own, your baby may end up fully waking, crying out for you, and needing help to get back to sleep. Imagine how frustrating that is for them! This cycle can leave both of you feeling worn out.

Sometimes babies may wake frequently but easily fall back asleep once you tend to them. These wakings, while not necessarily taxing on your little can add up for them throughout the night, depriving them of precious sleep. These wakings are obviously a lot harder on you because you may not be able to fall right back to sleep as soon as your baby does. Others may wake and then have  a really hard time going back down- even with help from you. This could look like not being able to be transferred back to their crib without popping awake again or just treating night wakings like playtime and being ready to party!

Children who have independent sleep skills are able to fall asleep on their own, will still have night wakings- they may still need a night feed! But you will know that their wakings are for an actual need (feeding, sickness, etc.) and not just because they are awake and don't know how to fall back asleep.

 

Sign #3: Short naps

Are you finding that your baby’s naps are disappointingly short? If you feel like you spend an obscene amount of time trying to get them down for a nap, only to have them wake shortly after, it’s a sign that something needs to change. Some parents find themselves resorting to contact napping just to get any sleep at all, which can be exhausting and leave you feeling trapped every single day. Or maybe your little one will take a nice long nap but it requires a ton of work up front to actually get them asleep and successfully transfer them. If you've got another little one at home, this can feel even more overwhelming as you're trying to navigate caring for multiple children.

Children who are independent sleepers have the tools in their toolbox to lengthen their naps. When they get through one sleep cycle (roughly 30-45 minutes) they are able to resettle and continue into the next sleep cycle on their own, leading to 1-2 hour naps throughout the day!

 

Sign #4: Generally tired and crabby during the day

If both you and your baby are feeling tired and cranky during the day, it’s time to acknowledge that your current sleep situation isn’t working. It’s important to remember that this isn’t a reflection of your abilities as a parent or a sign that you’re doing anything wrong. It simply means that the habits you’ve built around sleep are no longer serving you.

When you pass the baton to your little one and teach them how to regulate their own sleep instead of being 100% reliant on you, they will learn to get the sleep they need (and that means you get the sleep you need as well)!

 

Ready for a change?

If you’re nodding your head in agreement and thinking, “Yes, that’s me!”—it might be time to reach out for support. Having a clear plan can make all the difference, and working with a sleep coach can help you feel more confident and calm throughout the process.

With the Classic Consultation you can get accessible sleep help to confidently sleep train without all the second guessing! Imagine doing your bedtime routine, kissing your baby goodnight, walking out of the room + knowing that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

 

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Classic Consultation today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-plan

Ahhh hindsight, my beautiful friend! 😅 Looking back, I can’t help but chuckle at my naivete when I became a new parent. If only I had a handy list of essential sleep lessons before my first baby arrived, it would have saved me so much stress, guilt, and endless second guessing.

When I first stepped into parenthood, I decided to just “wing it,” based on exactly zero research. I thought I’d figure it all out as I went along… but how wrong I was! 🥲 What actually unfolded was a whirlwind of sleepless nights, an overwhelming sense of dread and anxiety about sleep, and a perpetually exhausted and irritable baby.

Eventually, after much trial and error, I learned these five key lessons that turned things around for us. Trust me, knowing these before my baby arrived would have made all the difference!

 

1. It's okay to want better sleep for yourself too

As new parents, it’s easy to feel guilty about prioritizing sleep. But here’s the truth: a well rested parent is a better parent. Period. When you’re well rested, you have more patience, clearer thinking, and the ability to be more present and attuned for your little one. A client recently described this as baby life balance. Everything can't be all about the baby at the expense of the parents. If it is, the effects of neglecting yourself *will* eventually trickle down to your baby. There is nothing selfish about getting the sleep you need.

 

2. Consistency is the secret sauce

I quickly learned that success comes from sticking to a plan. When my husband or I tried to make sleep adjustments, we were really just throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what would stick. But we never tried anything long enough to see it through and actually give it time to work! The best sleep training method is the one you can commit to consistently. Whether it’s a bedtime routine or a sleep training strategy, consistency helps your baby understand what to expect, making it easier for them to settle into sleep. This is a great quick read if you find yourself struggling with consistency and you feel like you've "tried everything."

 

3. Your child will adapt, trust their resilience

I wish I had known how adaptable babies really are! When you're a first time parent, you feel like your baby is so fragile and vulnerable. And don't get me wrong- babies need constant love and care but they are also extremely resilient. They are learning and growing and changing so quickly when their little and the good part of that is they are able to handle sleep changes you want to help them with. With the right sleep habits, they can adjust and thrive. Your little one is resilient, and with patience and encouragement, they’ll find their groove. Believe in their ability to adapt!

 

4. Sleep regressions are a normal part of progress

Setbacks don’t automatically mean failure! Baby sleep isn’t linear; it's good to expect ups and downs along the way. Sleep regressions are common, especially during growth spurts and developmental milestones. Instead of getting discouraged, remember that these phases are often temporary and can be navigated with the right strategies. Plus, we want to look on these developmental changes as a positive sign (how great is it that my baby is developing into the person they will be one day?!) instead of have a woe is my attitude that the deck is stacked against us. If you're in the thick of sleep regressions right now, check out my low-down on the most common sleep regressions here.

 

5. You don’t have to do it alone

Asking for help doesn’t make you weak! That goes for tagging your partner in (which is oh so important), accepting help from your in laws (who may not do everything exactly as you do), or even from hiring a professional to help you navigate sleep. In fact, support from a sleep consultant or coach can make all the difference in your journey to better sleep. Don’t hesitate to seek guidance when you need it. Having someone to lean on can bring confidence and calmness to the process. And don't feel guilty about the ways you managed baby sleep when you were stuck in survival mode. As a sleep consultant, trust me, I've seen it all and I will never judge you or your situation. What matters is that you've reached the point where you're ready to get out of survival mode and work towards more sustainable sleep habits. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to begin, I’m here to guide you every step of the way! Let’s work together on a personalized sleep plan that fits your family’s needs. Remember, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone; support is just a message away! 🌙

 

Ready to tackle your current sleep issues? I'm here to offer a solution. 

Look no further than my affordable Classic Consultation:

With the Classic Consultation you can get accessible sleep help to confidently sleep train without all the second guessing! Imagine doing your bedtime routine, kissing your baby goodnight, walking out of the room + knowing that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

 

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Classic Consultation today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-plan

Let’s play a little game: 1 Truth and 1 Lie!

1. When you sleep train, your baby just learns to shut down. ❌
2. Shutdown syndrome is not real. ✅

If you’ve heard the term “shutdown syndrome,” you’re not alone. Many parents fear that sleep training will lead to their babies emotionally “shutting down.” That they'll only stop crying in their crib because they think no one is ever coming. However, I’m here to tell you that this misconception couldn’t be further from the truth!

 

Understanding sleep training

The reality is that when you sleep train, your baby isn’t “shutting down” at all. Instead, they are learning a crucial skill—how to self-settle and fall asleep independently. This process can involve tears as your baby learns this new skill, but crying is a natural part of mastering something unfamiliar. Of course they are going to have some feelings about you making sleep changes and crying is simply their way of expressing themselves. With the right approach to sleep training, you're not causing emotional harm; rather, you’re helping your baby learn how to soothe themselves in a healthy and supportive way.

 

Why shutdown syndrome is a myth

Let’s break down the idea of “shutdown syndrome” further. If this phenomenon were real, we wouldn’t observe sleep-trained babies engaging in typical behaviors like:

• Calling for their parents during the daytime: Sleep-trained babies still seek their parents when they need comfort, attention, or simply a playmate. If they were truly “shut down,” they wouldn’t signal for their parents at all.
• Waking and signaling for necessary night feeds: Many sleep-trained infants still wake during the night for feeds when needed. If they had given up hope that their cries would elicit a response, they would likely stop communicating their needs altogether.
• Experiencing sleep regressions: Sleep regressions are a common part of a baby’s development. They may struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep during growth spurts or developmental milestones, but this behavior shows that they are still very much engaged with their surroundings and learning.

In fact, any mom of a sleep-trained child will attest that the scenarios mentioned above continue to occur even after successful sleep training! This demonstrates that the emotional connection between parent and child remains intact and that the baby is not shutting down but rather developing autonomy. For more nerdy science and research about sleep training, check out this blog where I cite several sources.

 

The benefits of sleep training

Instead of worrying about “shutdown syndrome,” focus on the incredible gift you’re giving your baby: the ability to regulate their own sleep! This skill will not only help them sleep better but also contribute to their overall emotional well-being as they grow.

Sleep training can feel daunting at first, but with the right tools and mindset, it becomes a positive experience for both you and your baby. They will learn that it's okay to express their feelings while also mastering the skills needed to fall asleep independently.

 

Ready to get started?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the idea of sleep training, fear not! My Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies is designed to provide you with straightforward, effective strategies to help you navigate this process confidently. Together, we’ll make sleep training a positive experience for both you and your little one, setting the foundation for healthier sleep habits that last a lifetime. 

Remember, your baby’s sleep journey is a learning experience for both of you, and with the right support, you can help them thrive!

 

Want to work more on your relationship with tears?

Check out my 3 Day Free Crying Challenge here and be sure to check out my other blog post (and YouTube video) about crying here. If you are ready to work with a professional to help you make sustainable sleep changes for your little one... Here is a link to my scheduler so we can talk through your situation and see if we'd make a good fit to work together!

 

As parents, we often feel an instinctive need to intervene when we hear our child cry. It’s almost like a reflex—our hearts race, and we leap into action, ready to put out what we perceive as a fire. But what if I told you that crying isn’t a fire that needs to be extinguished immediately? Instead, what if crying is simply a form of communication from our little ones, expressing needs and emotions that require our support rather than a quick fix?

 

The nature of crying

Crying is a natural and important part of childhood. It serves as one of the primary ways our babies and toddlers communicate their feelings, needs, and discomforts. When we treat crying like a crisis, we risk missing out on valuable opportunities to connect with our children and understand their emotional landscape.

It’s understandable why crying can be so unsettling. As parents, we instinctively want to protect our children from discomfort, which can lead to the knee-jerk reaction to immediately intervene. However, this response can unintentionally convey to our children that their feelings are not valid or that they need to be "fixed." Done repeatedly over the years it can also keep our children from having to feel and work through discomfort in life and lose valuable practice at coping with uncomfortable situations and feelings.

 

Reframing our perspective

One of the most significant hurdles parents face when working to improve their child’s sleep is the fear of crying. Many parents hesitate to pursue sleep training or changes in bedtime routines because they dread the tears that may accompany those changes. But here's the truth: crying does not always signify a problem that needs to be solved.

In fact, learning to embrace crying as a natural part of development can help us approach parenting—and sleep challenges—with a fresh perspective. Just because I'm a sleep consultant does not mean I enjoy making children cry! My goal is to help parents navigate these emotional moments with understanding and compassion.

By reframing our view of crying, we can start to see it as a normal emotional expression rather than a disaster. Instead of feeling the pressure to “fix” the situation right away, we can approach our children with empathy, recognizing that sometimes they just need our support as they navigate their emotions.

 

Support through the tears

When a child cries, it can be a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself what your child might be trying to communicate. Are they tired? Overstimulated? Seeking comfort? Are they simply upset because they are struggling with this new and hard thing? By tuning in to what they might be saying, we can better support them in the moment.

Instead of rushing to soothe the tears away, consider offering comfort without trying to eliminate the crying (or the problem). You might sit with them, provide gentle reassurance, or simply hold their hand. This approach not only helps validate their feelings but also teaches them that it’s okay to experience and express emotions, even when they’re difficult.

 

Embracing the journey

As parents, we have the incredible opportunity to guide our children through their emotional experiences. Embracing crying as a natural part of life—rather than a fire that needs to be put out—can lead to healthier emotional development for our little ones.

This shift in mindset can be especially beneficial during sleep challenges. Instead of viewing crying as a signal of failure, we can see it as part of the learning process. When we allow our children to express themselves, we foster resilience and emotional intelligence that will serve them well throughout their lives.

 

Finding balance in parenting

Reflecting on my parenting journey, I wish I had known these tools earlier. Embracing the reality that crying is not a fire to be extinguished, but a natural part of emotional development, has profoundly changed how I approach parenting and sleep.

So, the next time you hear your child cry, take a moment to breathe. Instead of rushing to stop the tears, consider how you can support them through this emotional moment. It might not always be easy, but together, we can learn to navigate the complexities of parenting and embrace the beauty of our children’s emotional experiences.

 

Want to work more on your relationship with tears?

Check out my 3 Day Free Crying Challenge here and be sure to check out my other blog post (and YouTube video) about crying here. If you are ready to work with a professional to help you make sustainable sleep changes for your little one... Here is a link to my scheduler so we can talk through your situation and see if we'd make a good fit to work together!