Psst! Scroll to the very bottom to see my screen grabs for easy reference!

Eeek! Daylight Saving Time is ending, but it doesn't have to feel like the end of the world!

I have 2 different plans of action below to help you survive this time shift:

Do you and baby need a sleep change? As a parent, it's not uncommon to hit a rough patch when it comes to sleep. If you’re noticing some unusual behaviors in your baby or feeling more exhausted than usual, it might be time for a change. Here are four signs that you and your little one need to reassess your sleep strategies:

Sign #1: Fighting falling asleep

Does your baby seem to resist sleep more than ever? If they’re fighting the act of falling asleep, it’s a sign that their current sleep habits may no longer be working. Babies who lack independent sleep skills often feel like they need your help to fall asleep. This reliance can lead to frustration, both for you and them, especially as they grow older. Your attempts to help them might have actually become too stimulating, making it even harder for them to settle down. If your child is resisting against you, this is a big sign that they are showing you they need more independence- not more help.

Little ones who are taught to fall asleep on their own in their cribs no longer feel the need to fight falling asleep or get overstimulated by your assistance. They learn to become comfortable in their boring, sleep environment and regulate their own sleep needs.

Sign #2: Frequent night wakings

Night wakings are a normal part of sleep for all humans, but if your baby wakes frequently during the night, it’s crucial to assess why. Without the tools to resettle back to sleep on their own, your baby may end up fully waking, crying out for you, and needing help to get back to sleep. Imagine how frustrating that is for them! This cycle can leave both of you feeling worn out.

Sometimes babies may wake frequently but easily fall back asleep once you tend to them. These wakings, while not necessarily taxing on your little can add up for them throughout the night, depriving them of precious sleep. These wakings are obviously a lot harder on you because you may not be able to fall right back to sleep as soon as your baby does. Others may wake and then have  a really hard time going back down- even with help from you. This could look like not being able to be transferred back to their crib without popping awake again or just treating night wakings like playtime and being ready to party!

Children who have independent sleep skills are able to fall asleep on their own, will still have night wakings- they may still need a night feed! But you will know that their wakings are for an actual need (feeding, sickness, etc.) and not just because they are awake and don't know how to fall back asleep.

Sign #3: Short naps

Are you finding that your baby’s naps are disappointingly short? If you feel like you spend an obscene amount of time trying to get them down for a nap, only to have them wake shortly after, it’s a sign that something needs to change. Some parents find themselves resorting to contact napping just to get any sleep at all, which can be exhausting and leave you feeling trapped every single day. Or maybe your little one will take a nice long nap but it requires a ton of work up front to actually get them asleep and successfully transfer them. If you've got another little one at home, this can feel even more overwhelming as you're trying to navigate caring for multiple children.

Children who are independent sleepers have the tools in their toolbox to lengthen their naps. When they get through one sleep cycle (roughly 30-45 minutes) they are able to resettle and continue into the next sleep cycle on their own, leading to 1-2 hour naps throughout the day!

Sign #4: Generally tired and crabby during the day

If both you and your baby are feeling tired and cranky during the day, it’s time to acknowledge that your current sleep situation isn’t working. It’s important to remember that this isn’t a reflection of your abilities as a parent or a sign that you’re doing anything wrong. It simply means that the habits you’ve built around sleep are no longer serving you.

When you pass the baton to your little one and teach them how to regulate their own sleep instead of being 100% reliant on you, they will learn to get the sleep they need (and that means you get the sleep you need as well)!

Ready for a change?

If you’re nodding your head in agreement and thinking, “Yes, that’s me!”—it might be time to reach out for support. Having a clear plan can make all the difference, and working with a sleep coach can help you feel more confident and calm throughout the process.

With the Classic Consultation you can get accessible sleep help to confidently sleep train without all the second guessing! Imagine doing your bedtime routine, kissing your baby goodnight, walking out of the room + knowing that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Classic Consultation today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-plan

You want a little sneak peek insight into a few habits that I’ve implemented as a mom (and sleep consultant) that are SO important to me? Because these pieces of gold have changed my life and my kids lives and are TOO valuable not to share with you!

These habits have all been intentional (except the last one which was a silly quirk that turned into an accidental habit) and as a sleep consultant who deals with behaviors, habits, and routines on a daily basis, I fully believe in the power of using such things to our advantage as we parent and decide what is important in our lives.

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Like most things that I share, this what worked well for our family but I fully acknowledge there are many good ways to parent. Here’s your disclaimer not to compare or feel like your intentional parenting choices are better than or less than anyone else's.

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So here are the habits I'm grateful that I've implemented over the last 10 years of parenting...

1. Teaching independent sleep (aka sleep training)

This one probably goes without saying but, independent sleep has truly been an integral part of my parenting journey. My sons know how to regulate their own sleep and they feel safe and comfortable doing so. This is something we had to work at by sleep training around  4 months of age with both of my boys and then it became a boundary we had to continue holding over the years (particularly years 3-5 when they were testing lots of boundaries). Just because I'm a sleep consultant and my boys have been sleeping independently since their baby days, that doesn't mean we never have sleep issues pop up. However, our consistency is what keeps us on track every time. Read a little more about why I recommend laying down fully awake for each sleep here.

2. Frequent trips to the library

We often head to the library on a weekly basis to get new books to keep us occupied the next week. It’s not uncommon for us to have 30-40 books checked out at one time. This habit has truly shaped them into avid readers. When my boys were smaller, we would go and play in the place at the library and sit and read together or participate in the free baby and toddler reading times they offered. As they got older we started participating in the summer reading program each year. And now when we go to the library they head off and know exactly where to find the various books they're looking for!

3. Set morning wake up times

This time may change depending on if it’s the weekday, weekend, summer, or school year but we are very clear about when the boys can leave their rooms and expect to start their days. We have been intentional about this since they were babies and they didn’t always like this rule but now it’s so ingrained they don’t even think twice about it. We're big fans of the Kidstible lamps to help little ones know when it's time to wake up.

4. Daily quiet time

Since my boys stopped napping around 3-5 years, we’ve implemented a daily quiet time when home. This is their time to play, create, read, and rest in their rooms while my husband and I are able to work or rest. This time has been invaluable to my sanity and I recommend it to every family when they are out of the napping stage. Read more about developing a quiet time here.

5. No tablet use for the boys

We have tried off and on to incorporate tablet time but it always caused an issue and it always became an unquenchable need for more. So on the whole, we don’t do tablet time. We are TV watchers and will watch several hours of TV throughout the week but we are all much happier with that less addictive screen option. My boys never have the expectation to be on the tablet when they are bored, when we are at restaurants, or really anytime we are doing things they aren't big fans of. If this is something you want to learn more about, I highly recommend checking out Dr. Alison Yeung's content on Instagram.

6. Bible reading and prayers before bed

Bible reading and prayers before bed. This is a simple routine that we started with them as toddlers. As part of our bedtime routine we read a Bible story and then go around and all say a prayer. My hope is that this will help them to learn how to make Jesus a part of their everyday life- even when they are older.

7. Getting a treat for myself without the expectation that they will automatically get one too

This last one will probably seem the weirdest, but I am an ice cream lover so it ended up being a great motto for us. Just because I’m getting a treat, that doesn’t mean the boys get a treat. It also goes the other way. Just because they are getting a treat, it doesn’t mean I get a treat. Because of this understanding we’ve built over the years since they were babies, I am able to go to the drive thru and grab ice cream for myself and they don’t bat an eye!

I’d love to hear about a habit you’ve intentionally tried to teach your little ones?

Ready to tackle your current sleep issues? I'm here to offer a solution. 

Look no further than my affordable Classic Consultation:

With the Classic Consultation you can get accessible sleep help to confidently sleep train without all the second guessing! Imagine doing your bedtime routine, kissing your baby goodnight, walking out of the room + knowing that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Classic Consultation today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-plan

If you’re a parent, you either know the feeling of being the preferred parent and then only one who can put your child to bed…. Or you know the feeling of being the non-preferred parent and therefore unable to help much at bedtime. Honestly, both of these feelings suck.

The preferred parent gets touched out and worn out from the constant parenting and can feel resentful toward their partner. The non-preferred parent gets hurt feelings from being “unwanted” by the child and can feel helpless to do anything to assist the preferred parent.

It’s not a fun place to be but unfortunately, it comes and goes over the years with our children as they grow and develop. However, when it comes to sleep routines and responses, I’ve got several tips no matter the age of your child to help you teach them flexibility.

Parental preference tip #1

Start at the beginning. Expose your newborn to both parents getting them ready for bed, helping them fall asleep, and soothing in the middle of the night. Try not to lean too heavily on one parent or the other. (And yes, even the non-nursing parent can be helpful during night wakings).

This not only helps your child get used to different modes and ways of being soothed, but it also gives both parents equal practice at soothing so that they can build their confidence. Nothing is worse than trying to soothe a crying baby in the middle of the night when you’ve rarely had any practice.

The biggest hiccup parents face when trying to build this exposure in is that they are looking for the quick fix. So one parent may be able to soothe the child quicker than the other and that parent ends up becoming the default parent for night wakings and settling to sleep. Instead of falling into this trap, it will take some patience and perspective. 

Sure, the quick fix may be to just hand the baby off to the preferred parent, but that will not create a long term solution for the whole family. Better to push through now and give your baby exposure to each parent now than to wait until the preferred parent is totally worn down and exhausted before making a change. (For more newborn sleep help, head here)

Parental preference tip #2

If your child is past the newborn stage and you’re thinking, “Great, we messed up. What now?” There’s never a bad time to begin. If one parent is doing most (or all) of the sleep duties currently, start having the other parent join in. Do the bedtime routine together. Handle the night wakings together. This gives you a chance to compare notes. It also gives your little one a chance to see that the non-preferred parent is there and can do those tasks too. (For more baby sleep help, head here)

Parental preference tip #3

Especially when you enter the toddler and preschooler age, follow through and consistency is extremely important. If your toddler is used to one parent always doing the bedtime routine, then when it’s time for the non-preferred parent to start doing it, you can bet there will be some BIG feelings.

This is okay. And perfectly normal. We want your child to be able to express their feelings. But that doesn’t mean we need to adjust our boundaries just because they don’t like them. Remember, you are the parent. And you can see and understand why the change is necessary for the whole family. We wouldn’t expect your young child to understand that. And that’s why we don’t leave those kinds of decisions up to them.

When it is the non-preferred parent’s night to do the bedtime routine, don’t let your child dictate which parent puts them down. This means when they throw a massive fit, you go to your calm place and ride out the wave of the meltdown. Our goal is not to avoid meltdowns. Our goal is to remain calm and steady in the face of meltdowns so that our children can understand our boundaries. When they understand where the boundaries are (and that they aren’t moving) they will stop testing them and start accepting them instead. 

You will never get to a place where your child willingly accepts boundaries if you never follow through with them. (For more help on getting to a good sleep place with your toddler or preschooler, head here)

You can do this! Habits can be frustrating and hard to change but we humans are good at adapting when we need to. Consistency and patience are your best friends as you tackle parental preference at bedtime. Good luck! And for even more reading on this topic, check out this great post by The Pediatrician Mom, Dr. Krupa Playforth! 

Dealing with more than just parental preference issues? Check out my resources for various ages below:

White noise can make such a difference when it comes to your child's sleep. But with it's use comes a lot of questions and concerns. This post is designed to answer the most common questions I get about white noise so you can make an informed decision for your family.

*This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my privacy and disclosure statement for more information.

Why use white noise to sleep and not lullabies?

I always recommend true white noise over crashing waves, rain sounds, or even calming music. But why? Because true white noise is meant to block out stimulating sounds. The sound isn’t changing if you use true white noise. But if you use any of those other options, there are changes that you can hear.

Our brains are always processing stimuli, even when asleep. These changes can be stimulating and if your child is in a lighter stage of sleep, these changes may even stimulate their brain enough to pull them out of sleep. That’s obviously NOT what we want! So I always prefer to use white noise so we know that it is working for us and not against us with sleep. 

Is pink noise and brown noise the same as white noise?

Pink and brown noise work just as well as white noise when it comes to sleep. White noise is made by using all the frequencies at once. Pink noise lowers the highest frequencies a bit and brown noise lowers them even further.

Many people actually prefer pink and brown noise over white noise because it sounds less harsh. No matter which color you choose, all will help block out stimulating sounds and help your baby fall asleep quicker and have better quality of sleep.

How loud is too loud for white noise to sleep?

As a parent, this question can be a hard one to find an answer to! Right off the bat, we know that prolonged listening to 85 decibels or higher can cause hearing damage so we want to stay away from that high decibel level.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends using 50 decibels of less in a hospital setting. I recommend that you use a decibel level around 60-65. Here’s why:

1. 60 decibels is about the level of normal everyday conversation. Your baby is used to this level of decibels on a daily basis. When you realize that normal conversation happens at this level, you can see how it’s not going to be harmful to the ears. Our ears were designed to communicate with each other frequently!
2. The recommendation of 50 decibels in a hospital setting is just that. It’s meant for hospitals where machines are beeping, people are coming in and out of patient rooms frequently, and there’s lots of different voices and chit chat. That is obviously a very different setting from your child’s quiet room when there is only white noise playing.
3. 60-65 decibels is still far below the upper limit of 85 decibels (which for reference could sound like a hair dryer or blender or lawn mower).

Won’t my child become dependent on white noise to sleep?

Yes, they likely will! But just like with any sleep habit (rocking to sleep, pacifier use, etc) we can make changes. If you don’t want your child to use white noise forever, you can change it at any time! Or you can wait until they are old enough to request to change it themselves.

I hear from parents a lot that they have this fear of dependency for sleep but honestly, it’s not a huge deal. White noise can easily be transported with your family for when you travel. Even if you forget your white noise, I’m willing to bet you’ve got an extra device with you that can play white noise from an app.

On top of that, we don’t seem to place the same fear of dependency on things like pillows and night lights and comfy blankets. So I think it really comes down to whether you believe the research that shows white noise improves the quality of sleep. If you do, then why would we consider it a bad thing to use for sleep?

When should my child stop using white noise to sleep?

Because white noise improves our quality of sleep, even most adults could benefit from sleeping with white noise so you don’t necessarily have to wean your child off! But, if you are really set on weaning your child off of white noise at some point in the future, I recommend waiting until after 3-4 years of age so that you’ve passed most of the big sleep transitions and milestones (toddler sleep, crib to bed transition, dropping naps, new siblings being added, etc). When you get to that point, you can just turn the volume down a little bit each night until it’s gone! Easy breezy.

Can white noise to sleep cause developmental delays or processing problems?

This question is rampant right now online and on social media. But let me ease your mind on this one, there is nothing in the research that shows correlation between white noise use for sleep time and any kind of delay or disorder. And if there isn’t even correlational evidence, then there certainly isn’t causal evidence either.

Most of the studies I’ve seen people incorrectly cite about these concerns are based on rats being exposed to white noise 24/7 and often at a much higher decibel level (85+) than is ever recommended. Of course there would be an issue if your child was subjected to high levels of white noise all the time. This would obviously negatively impact their ability to hear and process language and therefore their ability to communicate effectively. But that is a far cry from using it during sleep time only and at normal decibel levels.

If you see this claim being made, I’d encourage you to ask for the peer-reviewed research, then go and read it, and you’ll see that none of these claims have anything to do with using white noise responsibly for sleep.

Wanna know more about white noise? Check out my other white noise blog: White noise: Why it’s a non-negotiable for sleep. And head here to see the white noise machines I personally use and recommend.

Need more help than just white noise? Check out my resources for various ages:

Not everyone needs to sleep train. It's not for every family and that's 100% okay! But if you (or someone you know) desperately needs a sleep change but is stalling on sleep training, keep reading. Add some tough love into your world that will help you address your baby's sleep issues without the BS that can cloud our thinking.

You can sleep train your child AND maintain a secure attachment

I know this myth is prevalent out there but it is simply not backed by the research. In fact, research has shown that sleep training has no effect on attachment (and 1 study even showed a positive effect on attachment)!

You can be responsive to your child during the whole sleep training process

No, you don't have to shut the door and stay out until morning. You're still responding to your child, you're just responding differently in order to give them the opportunity to learn a new skill. When I work with families, some even prefer to stay in the room during the whole process and that is okay! It still works as long as we aren't always swooping in and doing the hard work for the child.

You'll be surprised how much MORE in tune you'll feel after you've sleep trained

It's true! I hear this from parents all the time. They are better able to distinguish when baby is sick or not feeling their best. Sleep training really helps you tune into what your baby's different cries mean. And in fact, your sleep trained child will still call out for you at night when they need you. It's just that with sleep training you're teaching them to regulate their sleep so they don't need you for it throughout the night (or after short naps).

Your child will cry as a result of sleep training but this is NOT the end of the world

Crying is not a fire that needs to be put out. It's communication. And it's 100% okay for your child to communicate that they don't like the change. Our job as parents is not to stifle any uncomfortable feelings for our child. It's to be there, to support them through those feelings, and teach them that they can get through the uncomfortable stuff.

Did you need to hear this tough love? Walk to chat more and see if sleep training is the next right step for your family?

Let's chat!

Whatever way you slice it, parenting is just plain hard. There are no hacks or tips that can fully eliminate the struggles. And when you add sleep deprivation on top of it all, it can feel unbearable at times.

Caring for your little one every day... Trying to succeed at work or at home... Managing your own mental health... Maintaining important relationships in your life...

It's A LOT to juggle. It's not for the faint of heart, that's for sure.

With that all said, I'm not here to offer you an "easy hack" or a "secret tip" to make it all better. But I do want to help you see that you get a choice in how you handle the hard parts of parenting. And the simple act of making that choice can help you feel more in control, more confident, and less like you're drowning.

YOU GET TO CHOOSE YOUR HARD.

What do I mean by that? Let's look at 2 hard things:

HARD THING #1

Your child is struggling with sleep (night wakings, fighting sleep, short naps, cranky & overtired all the time, etc). You can accept that this is where you're at right now and embrace it. This will be temporary. Some day your child will sleep better. You can choose for this to be your hard and go with it. Accept it and stop letting it plague your every thought and emotion.

HARD THING #2

Your child is struggling with sleep but you've decided to arm yourself with support & information and start tackling these sleep issues. You know that change will be hard and that you'll likely get even worse sleep for a short time while you make changes. But you have hope that it will get better shortly after and your child will learn to regulate their own sleep if you give them the opportunity to learn. You embrace the challenge ahead of you and decide to tackle it wholeheartedly.

Choosing #1 is not better or worse than choosing #2 (at least I'm not going to pass that judgement). YOU get to decide which is better or worse for your family and your unique situation.

Unfortunately, I often see parents stuck in between these 2 hard things. They don't fully accept one or the other and so they feel even more stressed and overwhelmed because of it.

Usually that looks like dabbling in sleep training methods, following sleep consultant accounts, also following anti-sleep training accounts, but never fully committing to either so they never really see progress and feel perpetually guilty. Meanwhile, because they are "kind of" trying to get to better sleep, they can never be fully present in the moment with their child, they constantly feel anxious about the state of their child's sleep and they certainly aren't going to embrace the stage their currently in.

These parents often vacillate between thinking that their child's sleep struggles are just a part of life and/or thinking that their child is capable of sleeping better. This keeps them stuck in a downward spiral. (And if you've been here, you know exactly what I mean). You just feel stuck!

I'm here to offer a solution. If you decide to jump in and embrace hard thing #2.

You're ready to tackle your child's sleep issues wholeheartedly,

then look no further than my affordable Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies:

With the Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies you can have a step by step plan at your fingertips to achieve your sleep goals -> do your bedtime routine, kiss your baby goodnight, and walk out of the room + know that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-coaching-crash-course

Are you a parent wondering about the best age to start sleep training your baby? It's a common concern that plagues many parents, but the answer may be simpler than you think. Let's delve into this often debated topic and shed some light on the best age to embark on the journey of sleep training.

Many parents express concerns about the ideal time to begin sleep training. Here are some common worries:

• 'If we don't sleep train by 6 months, will they always be a poor sleeper?'
• 'Won't my baby just have night wakings forever if I don't do Cry-It-Out (CIO) by 12 months?'
• 'Surely my child can't learn better sleep habits at 4 years of age...'

The reassuring answer to all of these concerns is a resounding "No!"

The truth is, there's no one-size-fits-all magical age for sleep training.

The best age to sleep train: when sleep is no longer sustainable

The magical age to start sleep training is simply when your current approach to sleep is no longer sustainable for your family. It's that straightforward! There's no ticking clock, no looming deadline, and you're definitely not screwed if you don't sleep train by {insert age here}!

The best age to sleep train: focus on what matters most

Instead of fixating on age, it's more crucial to consider three essential factors:

1. Your Child: Is your child getting the rest they need? Are they generally happy and thriving? The well-being of your little one is paramount.
2. You: Are you coping well with your current sleep situation, or do you desperately need more sleep to function and thrive as a parent? Your well-being matters too. Sometimes moms need this extra reminder too: If the sleep situation is not what's best for YOU, then it's not best for your baby either. Don't let guilt hold you back from being the best parent you can be.
3. Your Family: Are your other children feeling neglected as you cater to one child's sleep habits? Stuck contact napping all day while your toddler spends hours on the tablet? Or are you and your partner struggling to find time to connect and support each other? Is your family thriving, or are you just barely keeping your heads above water?

Take your answers to these questions and use them as your guide to determine if you're ready to start sleep training.

The best age to sleep train: more than just CIO

It's important to note that sleep training doesn't automatically mean implementing the Cry-It-Out (CIO) method. It doesn't even necessarily entail promoting independent sleep. What it does mean is that you are making changes to your current sleep routines in favor of more sustainable sleep habits that work for your family. The end goal of sleep training varies from one family to another. And that's okay!

By addressing these key considerations, you can make an informed decision about the best age to start sleep training for your child. Remember, there's no magical age, but there is a right time for your unique family. Prioritize your child's well-being, your own, and the harmony of your family when making this important decision.

For more expert advice on baby sleep and sleep training, keep exploring this blog. As a mom of 2 and pediatric sleep consultant, I'm here to support you on your parenting journey.

Recently, I had a call with a mom and she expressed to me that if we worked together, her husband wouldn't be available to help with night wakings because he had to go to work during the day and she didn't- she just stayed home with the kids. Plus she had been handling all the night wakings to this point because she exclusively breastfed so there was nothing her husband could do anyways. 

This mom was also *drowning* in sleeplessness and desperately in need of help. She spent much of the conversation on the verge of tears because of her sleep deprivation and how much she felt she was failing as a new mother.

I wish I could say that this was a first for me but unfortunately I talk to moms who feel this exhausted and frustrated and without help all the time. 

I want to share my tips for how your non-nursing partner can help with night wakings but first, I think we need to talk about the fact that this goes way beyond breastfeeding. Even among families who use formula, there is an overwhelming number of stay at homes who “just” stay home with the kids so they become the default night parent.

Furthermore, there are plenty of working moms who also find themselves in the position of being the default nighttime parent simply because they are women.

So yeah. I have a little soapbox I need to get on for a quick moment, and then we will proceed with the tips below:

First off, let me lead with this (so I'm not misunderstood and so I don't come across as judgmental) ⤵️

👉If you and your partner have communicated and decided on a night solution that works for both parties, then it's not a problem if one parent is in charge of most night wakings.

*Full disclosure, when my second son was a newborn, I was in charge of night wakings and my husband slept in another room for a bit.*

But here's why it worked:
✨I wasn't drowning in sleeplessness. Was I tired, yes. Was I at the end of my rope at that time? Not even close.
✨ We talked about it. If I had not been comfortable with that set up, I would have objected and we would have come up with a different plan.
✨ It wasn't assumed that just because I was a stay at home, I should be the one in charge of night wakings. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Stay at home moms, I need you to hear this: Staying home with the kids and keeping them alive and thriving is a FULL👏TIME👏JOB. Your partner working out of the house all day is not an excuse, in and of itself, to leave the nighttime parenting all on your shoulders! Full. Stop.

Working moms, I need you to hear this: Being on shift all day AND all night does not have to be your default! Your partner can help with nights too. I don’t care if they have to be up early for work or if they stay up too late working. They can handle night wakings too.

We cannot be afraid to open communication with our significant others and get help. Parenting doesn’t have to be a perfect 50/50 split but roles DO need to be discussed and understood and compromised and appreciated.

Maybe they don't know how much you're drowning. Maybe experiencing a night or two of what you're going through would incentivize them to help you form a plan for better sleep. 🤷‍♀️ But let's stop taking it upon ourselves to be the martyrs without asking (or demanding if it comes to that) help from our partners.

👉Also, I'll throw this in because it's a thought in my head as well... I am breaking generational cycles that have been passed down. Where the women are expected to do all the parenting and the men are expected to bring home a paycheck. I am *SO* happy that my boys will grow up seeing that their Dad is just as much their caregiver as I am. 💗

Anyways! Onto the tips for ways non-nursing partners can help you with night wakings…

Being a nursing mother does not have to mean you’re handling all the night wakes without help.

Tip #1 Split shifts at night

Typically babies can go their longest stretches of sleep in the first half of the night. So have the non-nursing partner take the first shift and handle any wakings. Then the nursing mom can be on shift for the second half of the night. You can even split things up more and have the non-nursing partner back on shift in the early am when baby might just need to be held/rocked to sleep an extra hour or so and let the nursing mom sleep in.

Tip #2 Split night waking duties

When baby wakes for a feed, the nursing mom can go tend to baby and feed it. Then, if the baby struggles to go back down right away, the non-nursing parent can tap in at that point and stay up until baby is asleep. This can really help the nursing mom cut down on her awake time during the night, especially if your child has trouble going back to sleep after feedings.

Tip #3 Opposite night waking duty split

When baby wakes for a feed, the non-nursing parent can go get the baby, change diaper if necessary, and bring the baby to mom. This will give mom a chance to set up for the feeding or spend a few extra precious minutes resting before breastfeeding.

Tip #4 Non-feeding wakings handled by non-nursing partner

Some babies will wake often at night, but it’s more of a habit/lack of independent sleep skill issue than a hunger issue. In these wakings, where the baby doesn’t nutritionally need a feed, the non-nursing parent can handle 100% of these. The nursing mom really only needs to be involved when the waking is out of hunger. Pro-tip: start this from a young age! It’s not unusual for babies to develop preferences to nurse/pacify back to sleep but if the non-nursing partner is handling half the wakings, it really helps to avoid this. Babies who are used to only being settled by mom and nursing, will struggle to accept comfort from the other parent. This is something you have to work at so mom doesn’t become a human pacifier.

Tip #5 When other children are involved...

The non-nursing parent can be in charge of any other children who are regularly waking or randomly waking at night. Depending on how you decide to split up duties, the non-nursing parent may also be in charge of bedtime for other children and handling early morning wakings as well. Like the last tip, this isn’t something that will come easily or naturally if you haven’t implemented it from day 1. But I promise you, it is worth it! Your kids deserve to see that both parents can tend to them and care for them and love them. And the nursing mom deserves to have a partner that is willing to put in the effort and help her!

Moms, if you're struggling with your own sleep, check out this podcast episode I recorded last year. Episode 27. Ten sleep tips for moms.

Are you ready to get your baby sleeping in their crib and get your bed back? If so, this blog is for you!

Families start co-sleeping for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it's planned, other times it just sort of happens out of desperation. Either way, most parents reach a point where they no longer want to co-sleep and are ready to have their bed back.

Let's dive in to talk about four tips to stop co-sleeping and teach your child to sleep in their crib.

Tip #1

Make sure that you and your partner are on the same page. If this tip is applicable to you, you need to talk about it. You need to talk about your plan, why you're doing it, how you're doing, etc. You both need to be committed to the process too.

A lot of times families will just "try" to see how it goes. But because this isn't going to be finished in one night, they end up giving up after "trying" for a night and wind up feeling more hopeless than before.

So don't underestimate how big of a change this will be for your child. The more prepared you are beforehand, the more successful you will be!

Tip #2

Make your child's crib a familiar space. Here's a couple different things you can do to prep your child for the end of co-sleeping and help them feel more used to their new sleep space:

• Wear your child's crib sheet in your shirt for an hour or so before bed. That way when you place the crib sheet on the mattress, it will smell like you. You're child is used to having your strong scent as they sleep so this can be comforting to them
• Spend time during the day in your child's room and in the crib. Play peekaboo together between the crib slats, do tummy time in the crib, place baby with some toys in the crib while you do laundry right next to them. Make it fun and laid back!
• Consider using a heating pad to gently warm up the crib before bedtime since your child is used to falling asleep next to a warm body. If you do this, make sure you remove the heating pad before placing baby in the crib AND make sure it is not too hot to the touch. 

Safety considerations:

Now on the flip side, while we want to familiarize your child with their crib, we do not want to make their crib like a bed. We do not want to add pillows or blankets or DockATots (more on DockATots here). Items placed in the crib for sleep are not safe and you should avoid these things. A bare crib is best. Click for more details on Safe Sleep Basics. I know you will be tempted to add things to the crib because that will feel more like the bed they are used to but the risk is not worth it. Your child will learn to adapt without all that extra stuff.

Tip #3

When we are first starting to get your child used to their crib, I know it's so tempting to start at nap time. But don't do that! If your child has rarely slept in their crib, you are going to want to start at bedtime.

Their drive to sleep is so much lower during the day than it is at bedtime and overnight. Their body is producing melatonin (our sleepy hormone). They actually have a surge of melatonin at bedtime and that is going to help them accept these changes more easily. Their body will just be more primed for sleep.

So always start with these changes at bedtime. Not nap time. Got it? Bedtime, not nap time. 👍 Okay, good.

Tip #4

Now if the idea of starting at bedtime and having your child spend all night (10 to 12 hours) in their crib is daunting to you... don't look at it that way. You don't have to start with it being all night at once.

Instead set a time each night that you're going to make your child stay in their crib until.  Then push it later every night until they're spending all night in the crib. It doesn't have to be all or nothing right away. You can gradually step into it if that feels a little more comfortable for you. Maybe this looks like:

Now, on the flip side, let's also not drag this out so that it's taking weeks and weeks until your child spends a full night in the crib. That is just going to cause frustration and more angst for your baby. Over the course of two to five nights your child should be spending all night in their crib. Try not to go past five nights. At that point, you're not going to actually be doing them any favors because of the inconsistency of the message you are sending them.

Still struggling?

If you feel like you have tried these tips and you are still struggling to keep your child in their crib, it could be that you are missing the most basic piece of the puzzle: Independent sleep skills. If your child does not know how to fall asleep on their own, then it's important to know it is natural for night wakings to happen. As long as your child doesn't know how to fall back asleep on their own, those night wakings are going to persist.

Currently, when they wake up, all they're thinking is "When I fell asleep I was in mom's arms," or "I was laying next to dad," or "I wasn't in here all alone." So they don't know what to do and they end up calling out for you.

If that is a piece that you are missing, then you may be ready to do some sleep coaching. Here's where my step by step Sleep Coaching Crash Course can come in handy! In this course I walk you through the process of sleep coaching with my day by day plan that I've honed over the last 8 years of working with clients. With many families, this next step of sleep coaching and teaching independent sleep is the best and most basic way to get your child out of your bed so you can stop co-sleeping.