You want a little sneak peek insight into a few habits that I’ve implemented as a mom (and sleep consultant) that are SO important to me? Because these pieces of gold have changed my life and my kids lives and are TOO valuable not to share with you!

These habits have all been intentional (except the last one which was a silly quirk that turned into an accidental habit) and as a sleep consultant who deals with behaviors, habits, and routines on a daily basis, I fully believe in the power of using such things to our advantage as we parent and decide what is important in our lives.

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Like most things that I share, this what worked well for our family but I fully acknowledge there are many good ways to parent. Here’s your disclaimer not to compare or feel like your intentional parenting choices are better than or less than anyone else's.

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So here are the habits I'm grateful that I've implemented over the last 10 years of parenting...

 

1. Teaching independent sleep (aka sleep training)

This one probably goes without saying but, independent sleep has truly been an integral part of my parenting journey. My sons know how to regulate their own sleep and they feel safe and comfortable doing so. This is something we had to work at by sleep training around  4 months of age with both of my boys and then it became a boundary we had to continue holding over the years (particularly years 3-5 when they were testing lots of boundaries). Just because I'm a sleep consultant and my boys have been sleeping independently since their baby days, that doesn't mean we never have sleep issues pop up. However, our consistency is what keeps us on track every time. Read a little more about why I recommend laying down fully awake for each sleep here.

2. Frequent trips to the library

We often head to the library on a weekly basis to get new books to keep us occupied the next week. It’s not uncommon for us to have 30-40 books checked out at one time. This habit has truly shaped them into avid readers. When my boys were smaller, we would go and play in the place at the library and sit and read together or participate in the free baby and toddler reading times they offered. As they got older we started participating in the summer reading program each year. And now when we go to the library they head off and know exactly where to find the various books they're looking for!

 

3. Set morning wake up times

This time may change depending on if it’s the weekday, weekend, summer, or school year but we are very clear about when the boys can leave their rooms and expect to start their days. We have been intentional about this since they were babies and they didn’t always like this rule but now it’s so ingrained they don’t even think twice about it. We're big fans of the Kidstible lamps to help little ones know when it's time to wake up.

 

4. Daily quiet time

Since my boys stopped napping around 3-5 years, we’ve implemented a daily quiet time when home. This is their time to play, create, read, and rest in their rooms while my husband and I are able to work or rest. This time has been invaluable to my sanity and I recommend it to every family when they are out of the napping stage. Read more about developing a quiet time here.

 

 

5. No tablet use for the boys

We have tried off and on to incorporate tablet time but it always caused an issue and it always became an unquenchable need for more. So on the whole, we don’t do tablet time. We are TV watchers and will watch several hours of TV throughout the week but we are all much happier with that less addictive screen option. My boys never have the expectation to be on the tablet when they are bored, when we are at restaurants, or really anytime we are doing things they aren't big fans of. If this is something you want to learn more about, I highly recommend checking out Dr. Alison Yeung's content on Instagram.

 

6. Bible reading and prayers before bed

Bible reading and prayers before bed. This is a simple routine that we started with them as toddlers. As part of our bedtime routine we read a Bible story and then go around and all say a prayer. My hope is that this will help them to learn how to make Jesus a part of their everyday life- even when they are older.

 

7. Getting a treat for myself without the expectation that they will automatically get one too

This last one will probably seem the weirdest, but I am an ice cream lover so it ended up being a great motto for us. Just because I’m getting a treat, that doesn’t mean the boys get a treat. It also goes the other way. Just because they are getting a treat, it doesn’t mean I get a treat. Because of this understanding we’ve built over the years since they were babies, I am able to go to the drive thru and grab ice cream for myself and they don’t bat an eye!

 

I’d love to hear about a habit you’ve intentionally tried to teach your little ones?

 

 

Ready to tackle your current sleep issues? I'm here to offer a solution. 

Look no further than my affordable Classic Consultation:

With the Classic Consultation you can get accessible sleep help to confidently sleep train without all the second guessing! Imagine doing your bedtime routine, kissing your baby goodnight, walking out of the room + knowing that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

 

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Classic Consultation today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-plan

Hi there! My name is Carianna Gibb and I'm the founder of All The Sleeps. 

 

I recently went down an anti-sleep training account rabbit hole and was pretty disturbed by some of the awful things these accounts claim about sleep consultants. 

 

Things like fear mongering, preying on desperate parents, charging thousands of dollars, promising that a baby will be sleeping through the night in 3 nights, and basically that we are just awful people who take advantage of others.... Of course, all while they themselves are selling something too. 

 

Anyways, it prompted me to create this post and hopefully help you understand a little more about how I run my business. So here's what you should know about me, a sleep consultant…

 

1. I don't prey on desperate and tired families.

During my free 15 minute call I've turned down many families who either had unrealistic expectations, weren't truly ready, weren't on the same page with their partners, still had medical issues that needed resolved, etc. I also am the opposite of salesy and pushy when talking with parents. If you need to be pushed or convinced, then (with much love) I don't want to work with you. A family that needs to be pushed or convinced to sleep train is not going to be successful at sleep training. And I don't want that for you!

 

2. I charge very modest, reasonable prices.

Here's the thing: my husband and I are frugal people. That frugality flows into my business which doesn't have all the bells and whistles with a ton of overhead. I didn't become a sleep consultant to make tons of money. I became a sleep consultant to help families and I pride myself on being accessible and having low rates. My pricing is always clearly stated on my website too. No bait and switch here!

 

3. I don't make promises I can't keep.

Some parents inquire about my services and expect me to guarantee their child will be sleeping through the night in 5 days or less. Or that we will use a totally tear free approach. Or even that we will get through the process and they'll have a perfect sleeper who never gets off track. Frankly, I think that's ridiculous. I help my clients have realistic expectations and understand *averages* because every child is different. Sleep training lays the foundation but your child will still go through various ups and downs. That's just life. 

 

4. I believe in what I do...

And you would too if you had worked with 1000+ families over 6 years and seen the success stories that I have. I used to be a tired mom overwhelmed by my baby's lack of sleep too. Until I found a sleep consultant to help me. And now I get to help other families climb out of the trenches and start enjoying parenthood again. Check out some of my testimonials here.

 

 

5. I'm not sitting on any sleep secrets.

You can find most everything I practice and teach somewhere online. You can read books and blogs and follow sleep consultants and piece together a plan on your own that will be successful. But that's just it. It will be on your own. And if you'd like to not go through this completely on your own, that's what I'm here for!

 

6. I'm a human too.

I'm not perfect by any means but I always try to do right by my clients. I have 2 negative reviews on Google (you can go read them) and honestly they still haunt me because I'm always trying to walk the line of giving my clients my everything while also sticking to my work/life boundaries that serve me and my family. You will get a real, living and breathing person when you work with me.

 

Thanks for making it all the way to the end of this post! I appreciate your time more than you know. Maybe you’re here to find out more about me before working together, or you’re a past client, or maybe you have *zero* interest in sleep training or working with a sleep consultant.

No matter your story, I’m glad you’re here and you are welcome here for as long as you’d like to stay!

 

 

Ready to tackle your current sleep issues? I'm here to offer a solution. 

Look no further than my affordable Classic Consultation:

With the Classic Consultation you can get accessible sleep help to confidently sleep train without all the second guessing! Imagine doing your bedtime routine, kissing your baby goodnight, walking out of the room + knowing that your baby will sleep long stretches at night and both of you will wake up feeling refreshed!

 

So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, it's time to own your hard, commit to change & better sleep, and head over to check out the Classic Consultation today: https://allthesleeps.com/sleep-plan

Yup, I'm saying it. Drowsy but awake doesn't work for most families. 🤷‍♀️

 

Right off the bat I know that there will be someone commenting that they successfully implemented drowsy but awake - and I'm happy for them! But after talking with thousands of parents, I can tell you it does NOT work for most little ones.

 

Let me explain why first:

 

Reason #1 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

Getting a baby drowsy and then transferring them to their sleep space is no easy feat! Most little ones will pop right awake and then lucky you! You get to start the whole ordeal all over again. How fun (not)!

 

Reason #2 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

I've also noticed that when repeated unsuccessful transfers happen, the child starts to anticipate and fight drowsiness. They are making the connection that once they let go and relax, you will set them down. They don't want this so they resist sleep even more. The opposite of what we want! 

 

Reason #3 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

The other issue with drowsy but awake is that it often doesn't fix the root problem. Maybe you can lay your little one down drowsy but does it help with frequent night wakings, early mornings, and short naps? Probably not. Your child will still need you to come get them to a drowsy state before they'll go back down.

 

Reason #4 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

Using drowsy but awake becomes less and less effective with age and alertness. It *can* be helpful in the newborn stage but after that it becomes more elusive. And eventually your baby becomes a toddler who becomes a preschooler and along the way it just stops working. These older kids will especially fight falling asleep because they are smart and if they decide they don't want to sleep, they know how to resist and stall.

 

Reason #5 drowsy but awake doesn't work:

Lastly, drowsy but awake is honestly just impossible to gauge! Seriously, what does it mean? What does it look like? I'd probably get 50 different answers if I asked this question. It's very very subjective which makes it difficult to use and implement.

 

 

So what do I recommend instead? Laying down *fully* awake!

 

Besides the fact that it's just way easier to even know what 'awake' means and looks like, there are several other reasons why it just makes sense- especially if you're struggling in the sleep department!

 

Reason #1 to lay down fully awake

It keeps your child from being jolted awake in a new place. Aka, it’s not a bait and switch. Imagine falling asleep in your bed and waking up on the kitchen floor... yikes! That's often how our children feel when we snuggle them to sleep and then they wake up all alone. This is really jarring and can make it even harder for them to fall back asleep.

 

Reason #2 to lay down fully awake

It gives your child the tools to connect their own sleep cycles. Listen up, we ALL have biologically normal night wakings. ALL of us! As adults, we've had lots of practice falling right back asleep when we wake. But our children may not have the tools to fall back asleep without signaling for help. By laying them down awake we are giving them the opportunity to hone these skills. This makes a HUGE difference when it comes to false starts at bedtime, unnecessary night wakings, early morning wake ups, and short naps.

 

Reason #3 to lay down fully awake

Getting drowsy becomes less effective over time. As children grow and develop, they can become harder to settle and put to sleep. It's also not unusual for your presence to become too stimulating for the process of falling asleep. A child who is resisting your help and fighting sleep is another reason to work on laying them down awake. If your “help” isn’t actually helping them, then maybe they are signaling to you that what you’re trying is not actually helpful.

 

 

As far as logistics go...

✨I recommend making sure baby is fully awake during the entire bedtime routine

✨Then lay them down at the right time and in the right sleep environment

✨Have a sleep coaching method you feel comfortable with and apply it while they adjust to the change!

 

Need a little more help navigating this recommendation?

First up, let me introduce you to my Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies. It's an affordable sleep course for overwhelmed moms who want to stop *stressing* about sleep and actually start sleeping again. This course is an online, self-paced course that teaches you all about how to sleep coach (and lay down awake) in the crib. It sets up a day-by-day plan for teaching independent sleep so you can stop second-guessing yourself every step of the way. This course is specifically geared towards 4-24 months. It's like having a trusted sleep expert right by your side.

 

Now, you might be thinking, I can purchase a course but will I actually have the confidence and motivation to follow through with it? If you feel like you'd benefit from more accountability and 1:1 support, that's where my 1:1 Consultations come in. These are designed specifically to give your the clear plan & calm support that you need as we work towards better sleep for your little one. I provide 3 different levels of phone & email support so you can choose the option that makes the most sense for your unique family. These consultations are a game-changer, trust me!

 

Spoiler alert, I don't believe in sleep secrets! Okay, well, I wish that I could just hand you a magic wand and you would magically have a great sleeper. It just doesn't work that way. However, I do believe that there are some foundational puzzle pieces that are very important if we're wanting to improve sleep. So in this blog, I'm going to walk you through the four puzzle pieces that I take all of my 1:1 clients through, because they are that important and that foundational.

Now I like to look at sleep as kind of one big puzzle. When I'm helping families troubleshoot their issues, I'm looking at each piece of the puzzle. Is everything in place? It's great to have a piece here or a piece there. But the magic comes from when you put all the pieces together at once and you get that full picture working towards better sleep. So without further ado, let's dive into these four puzzle pieces that we're going to talk through.

 

 

*This post may contain affiliate links. Please read my privacy and disclosure statement for more information.

 

Puzzle piece #1 for better baby sleep

The very first one is sleep environment. And if you have followed me for any length of time, you know, this is something I harp on. I can get a little annoying, like a broken record. But sleep environment is truly so so important. And I have seen it be so transformational when families are struggling with sleep. Sometimes all it takes is getting that sleep environment ideal and many of their sleep problems just go away. Now, I'm not saying that's going to happen for every family, but I've seen it happen enough that I want to make sure that you have these two non-negotiables figured out.

The first non negotiable of your child's sleep environment is that it needs to be dark. I am talking very dark. I'm not just talking about at night. That room needs to be very dark initially at bedtime, which is going to be more challenging as we get into the summer months here in North America. It also needs to be very dark in the early morning and it needs to be dark at nap time. So if you are walking in your child's room and you are seeing light streaming in or you're able to make the shapes out, it's not dark enough for sleep. You'll need to find a way to make it darker.

Aluminum foil is a great option if you are looking for something cheap and inexpensive and something that you probably have in your home. I LOVE BlackoutEZ window covers if you're looking for something more permanent that looks a little bit nicer. Typically just your regular blackout curtains are not going to do the job because light is still going to sneak in around the edges.

The other non negotiable for sleep environment is white noise. White noise is a great buffer that keeps your child from being disturbed by noises in the house, noises outside, noises from siblings or pets. When we're in a light stage of sleep, it's possible that we hear noises and that pulls us out of sleep. Our brain is always processing stimuli. And if you don't have something masking those sounds, that can disrupt sleep. We also have studies that show us that we fall asleep quicker, we connect our sleep cycles better, and we just have better quality sleep when we sleep with white noise. I love Lectrofan for all your white noise needs!

 

Puzzle piece #2 for better baby sleep

The second puzzle piece that is very important is the timing of sleep. With this one we're looking at: when you're putting bedtime... is it too early? Is it too late? Is it all over the place? Does it correspond with your child's natural circadian rhythm? We're also looking at things like naps... are they taking the right number of naps for their age? Are they taking too many or too few? Are they awake the right amount of time between naps or are they under tired or overtired?

There's a balancing act going on when we're looking at timing of sleep. Here's a free resource that I have linked for you so you can check that out if you need more help on timing and how many naps for your child's age.

If we're trying to put down a child who's overtired, they're not going to go to sleep easier. In most cases, they're going to fight sleep more. If we're putting down a child who's under tired, they're going to fight sleep more too! So if you don't have that timing ideal that can be a lot of the reason behind the sleep issues you are experiencing.

At the same time, if our daytime schedule is off, that is directly connected to our nighttime sleep. A bad day schedule can absolutely cause more night wakings, more extended long wakings in the night, and early morning wake ups. It is all intimately connected (which is why we're talking about a puzzle here).

Puzzle piece #3 for better baby sleep

The third puzzle piece that can make a huge difference is independent sleep. By this I mean your child's ability to fall asleep without outside help without needing things that are outside of their own control. For example, this would be you being able to put your baby down awake and they drift off to sleep. Then that translates to them being able to settle themselves again at night or after a short nap. If they wake up and there's not a need like hunger or a diaper change, they're able to drift back to sleep themselves without having to signal to you. This also means they don't have to wait for you to come in and do your whole song and dance to get them back to sleep.

It also leads to longer naps because when they wake up after just one cycle (which is around 30 to 45 minutes) they're able to go back to sleep and connect and get those longer naps- which are amazing. In fact, studies show us that babies who are put down awake in their cribs and fall asleep on their own sleep longer. They wake less overnight, they take longer naps and in general they just get more sleep than their counterparts who are helped to sleep and then transferred.

I really like to just look at this as giving them a tool in their own toolbox so that they can regulate sleep themselves. This way they are not fully dependent on outside help from you or anyone else to get them to sleep. They have the tools to do that rather than waiting for someone to come and help them with that skill.

 

Puzzle piece #4 for better baby sleep

Now with puzzle piece #3, independent sleep can be hard to get to, especially if you're not really sure what you're doing. And that brings us to puzzle piece #4, which is having a plan that you feel confident in and that you feel comfortable with. I talk to many families on a daily basis who desperately want to be putting these puzzle pieces in order, but they just don't know where to start. They're overwhelmed by too much information. They see conflicting things online and they're just not sure where to turn.

Anytime that they may be have tried to change sleep, they end up getting mixed up and confused. They don't know how to handle certain situations. They don't feel confident that the effort they're putting in and the effort their baby is putting in is even making a difference. So they end up giving up and stop.  If you are going to be making sleep changes, you do not want to be making decisions in the middle of the night- which is the worst time. You don't want to be having to think through specifics.

This is where my sleep course comes into play. My Sleep Coaching Crash Course For Babies is geared toward 4-24 months. Within it I walk you through a plan that you can feel confident in and know that what you're doing is a proven system that works.  If you'd like me to quickly take you behind the scenes of my sleep course so you can see each of the modules that are included in it, head to this link and fast forward to the 8:40 mark. At the end of this video, I even give you a nice $15 discount off my course!

I talk with many families when they are in the midst of deciding whether or not to sleep train. Today I offer 4 questions you should be pondering and thinking about before you take the plunge and decide to sleep train

4 questions:

1. How do I feel about crying?
2. Am I ready to get less sleep temporarily?
3. Do I have support? If not, how can I get my partner on board?
4. Can I commit to several weeks of making sleep my number 1 priority?

Related links:

Free 15 minute consult: allthesleeps.com/15minconsult

Newborn Sleep Resource Page: allthesleeps.com/newborn-sleep-help

Baby Sleep Resource Page: allthesleeps.com/baby-sleep-help

Toddler & Preschooler Sleep Resource Page: allthesleeps.com/toddler-preschooler-sleep-help

Click here for a quick link to your desired podcast app

Questions before sleep training

Hey Mama! This is Carianna here with your podcast episode today. And the very first thing I want to say before I forget, I'm worried I'm going to forget. This is our second to last episode in Season One, so I'm really excited that we have almost made it a whole season that we're going to take a break for the holidays, and then we'll be back for season two in 2022. But what I wanted to ask of you is, if you've been listening, please send me a DM at all the sleeps or if you're not on Instagram, send me an email, sleep at all the sleeps calm and just let me know what topics you would be looking forward to for season two because Kayla and I are going to start gearing up and getting ready for season two soon, so I would love to hear any feedback from you, and I'm just so glad that you've joined us for this season one. Now don't miss next week's episode which will be the last episode of season one, and we are going to talk about daylight saving time so you definitely do not want to miss that one. Now, on to today's topic, so we're going to talk about four questions to ponder before sleep training, and what I can tell you is I do lots and lots of free 15 minute calls with families before they decide to work with me, so it gives us a good chance to talk about their sleep situation and where they're at, talk about their goals that they want to achieve where they would like to be at. I'm able to answer questions for them about my services and courses that I offer, and then, time after time after time, the same common questions come up that parents usually have before they've decided to sleep train. So I thought, You know what, Let's make a podcast episode out of this because I know these are questions that so many families have, and I would just love to answer them for you. So let's talk about these four questions. So the first question I would like you to ponder before you decide if you're ready for sleep training is, how do you feel about crying. Okay. Because crying is naturally, something that's going to be a part of this process. Every child is different and how much crying, could be a little, it could be a lot. But what we really need to do is get serious about how do you feel about crying, maybe think through why you feel the way you do like when crying stresses you out or freaks you out. What are what's going on in your brain that's making you feel like this is the end of the world. But apart from that, just looking at how you feel about crying is understanding that crying is a part of the process and what I always tell families is that crying, is how your child communicates right and since we are going to be making changes. If we sleep train. It's natural that your child is going to have feelings about that that they're going to be frustrated that they're going to struggle. These are not in and of themselves, bad things, but the crying is how they're communicating that frustration and communicating that struggle. And what I also want you to know is that even though there's going to be crying, you can choose to be as hands on, or as hands off as you'd like to be. So the method you choose itself is not going to mean no crying, I am not a fan of the no cry marketing, I think that that is just baloney. Honestly, I think it's misleading I think it's even a little deceitful on some levels because kids cry. And I can't promise you that your kid won't cry during sleep training, I also can't promise you that your kid won't cry for any number of reasons. So, I'm not a big fan of pushing this like, oh no cry no cry, but I am a huge fan of finding the method that works for your family so if that means you are very hands on, you're right there next to the crib the whole time you're touching you're comforting you're talking to them. That's okay if that's the route you choose to go and I've seen that be very successful. On the other hand if you're someone who wants to leave the room and do checks, or if you just want to leave the room completely if that's where you're comfortable. I'm comfortable there as well so that's what I would say quite ponder how you feel about crying, and then accepting that crying is part of the process, and knowing that you have the option to choose how you're going to manage with the crime. Second question that I want you to ponder. Am I ready to get less sleep, temporarily, this is something that sometimes we don't think all the way through. But even though you may feel right now like your sleep situation is terrible and you're up a lot and you're just losing your mind or maybe you're feeling that way during the day, you can't set your child down when you make the decision to sleep tracking it is temporarily going to get worse before it gets better, and we get to the other side so that may mean, it's going to take longer for them to go down at bedtime, they may be up more frequently at night, they may spend more time awake at their night wakings their stretches at night may shorten before they get longer during the day naps are going to be an even harder process than they are right now, so just kind of accepting that that is the territory that comes with sleep training, and understanding that it's going to happen, and that's okay. It doesn't mean we have to stay stuck where we are right now, but I also don't want you to be blindsided when I know you already feel exhausted, and for a while you're gonna feel even more exhausted, until your child gets into the new rhythm and interrupting this episode is super quick, because I want to make sure you know that I have a sleep coaching Crash Course. If you're struggling with Night Waking short naps, early mornings, or you're just spending way too much time trying to get your baby to sleep. This course is for you. I walk you through step by step process all the information you need to successfully sleep coach your little one. So if you're ready for a positive sleep change, but it all seems too overwhelming, go check the description below. Okay, let's get back to the episode now.

Third question that I want you to ponder is, do I have support. And if I don't have support during this process, how can I get my partner on board. Okay, so if you are single, grab a friend and maybe your friend isn't going to stay with you while you sleep train, but somebody important in your life friend or family member who knows your sleep training, who is supportive of your decision, and who you can be texting through the process, and, you know, kind of a shoulder to cry on, ask them to be your cheerleader, have someone like that. Now if you have a partner, then you really need that partner on board with you especially if your partner is present at all during the night, waking up during the day. Because what we don't want is a partner who is not on board, and who is second guessing everything you're doing, telling you not to do it. You know who's undermining the work you do. So make sure that you're on board, and hopefully I don't offend anyone with this but I tell families a lot because oftentimes I will work with families, or talk to families before we work together, who one parent really really wants to do this because they are just dying with their current sleep situation, the other parent isn't very affected by the sleep situation, and they're like, Oh, we're not sleep training we don't need to sleep train, If that's your situation, I would encourage you to tag your partner in for the night wakings for getting the child down for the NAPS wherever the problem area is start tagging them in more, and once they understand how difficult the situation is for you, they're going to be a lot more agreeable to make changes, but if they're just sleeping all night. Their sleep is fairly uninterrupted, they're not going to understand that Sleep Train is your next step. Okay, so get them on your team get them on board. See if you can get them to experience what you were experiencing so they understand the other just extra thing I would tack on to the end there is even if you do have support whether that's family, friends, partner. Sometimes families do need that extra outside professional support and that's okay if that's where you find yourself. I will tell you from my own experience with my first son, we DIY did, and we were great with my second son, DIY, it was not going to cut it, and I needed a professional outside perspective and help. And so I totally get both sides of it. Just to refresh you guys, I offer various one on one services, where I put together plans specifically for a family, we have a call to talk through things, then we either have, you know, two days of email support or two weeks of email support, depending on what level of support you feel that you need to be successful and I am not at all, one that's going to push one or the other on you. I really leave it up to parents and I say, what do you feel like you need to be successful, and does that fit in your budget. And then on the other end of the spectrum, I do have more of a DIY course where families can take all the information in at their own pace, when it works for them, and then start implementing my day by day plan so if you feel like you need more support, whether it's the high end of support or the low end of support, I want you to know those options are available and those are things that I love, offering to families, I'll put a link in the show notes to those various offers so you can check them out if you'd like to. Alright, last question that you need to ponder before sleep training before deciding to sleep train, can I commit, several weeks to make Sleep, my number one priority. So look at your schedule, are you thinking about starting sleep training tonight, but then this weekend, you have two nights, you're going to be gone and your child's going to be way off schedule or with a different caregiver. Okay, so you have to figure out where you can fit it best and it may not be perfect, because some of us, rarely have two weeks where there's absolutely nothing going on, but you want to pick the best possible time to sleep train so that you are setting your child up for success, and maybe you'll get through the process, and things are going great, well before two weeks. That would be awesome. Maybe it takes a little longer than two weeks, but you want to have a plan, set up for success, so that you aren't, training, and then traveling for a week and then coming back home and feeling like you're starting from scratch again okay we want them to have time to learn the new skills, to have consistency to have their nap schedule honored to not be keeping them up late to not have visitors where we feel like we can't actually follow our plan to not be traveling so they're sleeping in a weird random place, we really really need to make sure we're setting them up for success, if we're going to go through that sleep training process. So, look at your schedule look out two weeks, maybe three to four before you decide when your start date is. Okay. Alright, so those are the four main questions honestly I could throw a fifth one in there, which is just, okay, now how do I sleep train, I don't know how to do this. But as I'm sure you guys know that is way too much for one podcast episode, but if you are interested in getting more help with the sleep training process and you want to know more about the various services and courses I offer, again I will link those in the show notes for you guys, and I'm so glad that you guys were listening, if you tuned in today, would you just take a moment to either head to Apple podcasts, and just drop a quick little review rate and review. Make sure that you are following this podcast if you aren't already. And if you really appreciated this, I would love to see you screenshot this and share it in your stories and just tell more people about this podcast because more and more people are finding it and it makes me so excited that we can spread the sleep info. This practical advice with as many families as possible so thank you so much for being a part of this dream of mine.

Questions before sleep training

Please don't hear me say you HAVE to sleep train. That's not the point of this post.  I just want to make sure you know that if you CHOOSE to sleep train, the research is on our side. 

 

We have lots of studies on sleep training, it's effectiveness and its outcomes. Could we use more studies? Sure! We can always use more information! But the info we DO have paints a good picture.

 

AND there is zero evidence that sleep training causes any amount of harm. ZERO. 

Read on to see what the research says about the following areas:

Effectiveness

Does sleep training even work? No doubt you've wondered this and maybe you've even heard that it doesn't work most of the time!

A review of 52 different studies on behavioral interventions for sleep issues was conducted. This review pulled all the data together from these separate studies and found that 94% of them reported significant improvements in infant & child sleep. The conclusion drawn was this was that "behavioral approaches produce reliable & durable changes in bedtime problems & night wakings."

So yes, sleep training does work and IS effective if you are dealing with sleep issues.

Child Benefits

Isn't sleep training kind of selfish? Maybe you've wondered this before. Apart from the obvious benefits of better sleep, we have data from 13 studies that measured daytime behavior in babies & children after sleep intervention.

This data paints a pretty great picture for children who undergo sleep training. Infants who participated in sleep interventions were found to be more secure, predictable, less irritable, and to cry and fuss less following treatment. Parents of older children reported improvements in their children's daytime behavior after participation.

Also important to note is that mothers indicated that sleep interventions had no effect on maintaining the practice of breast feeding or an infant's total daily fluid intake.

So the resounding answer is... sleep training is not done for purely selfish reasons! Your child can benefit as well!

Parental Benefits

We've seen that sleep training is not inherently selfish but let's be honest. You need and deserve sleep too! So even if you've got a bubbly & happy baby who doesn't seem to be bothered by broken sleep, that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't sleep train.

A review of 12 studies that measured parental outcomes after sleep intervention found remarkably consistent results across all studies. Parents exhibited rapid and dramatic improvements in their own mental health status, reporting fewer symptoms of depression, increased sense of parenting efficacy, enhanced marital satisfaction, and reduced parenting stress.

I'd say sleep training looks like a win for parents as well!

sleep training research

Long Term Impacts

Ok, I know what you're thinking.... you saw this article once online that stated that sleep training was damaging for babies and would have negative, long term effects. However, I can assure you that there is ZERO evidence of long term harm when sleep training is used. Seriously. The next time you see a claim like that, look for a link to peer-reviewed research. There won't be one.

This Australian study used 225 families to conduct a randomized trial (the gold standard of study design). Roughly half of the families used sleep interventions while the other half did not (the control group). 5 years later the families answered questionnaires, gave cortisol samples, and experienced a 40-60 minute home visit with researchers.

Between the group that used sleep training interventions and the group that did not, there were no significant differences in any outcomes, including emotional stability, conduct behavior, stress, parent-child closeness, conflict, parent-child attachment, or attachment in general.

The researchers concluded that behavioral sleep techniques have no marked long-lasting effects (positive or negative). Parents and health professionals can confidently use these techniques to reduce the short- to medium-term burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression.

 

So there's the research! I encourage you to follow the links I've provided and do your own reading and digging. Don't feel like you must blindly take my word for it! And if this post helped you out, would you consider sharing it? There's so much mom shaming and fear mongering around sleep training and I'd love to do my part to dispel some of that.

Related blog that you might find interesting:

Sleep Myth: Sleep training is damaging

 

sleep training research

You want to make sure that you do what is best for your baby. And I get that! It's why I put together this quick little post about sleep training and why it will not damage your baby.

Different strokes are for different folks. And that's okay! 👌But don't put down families who choose sleep training and don't believe these unsubstantiated claims. Let's go through them one by one, shall we?

Sleep training will damage your baby. Take Hiscock's study (2012) as exhibit A. They conducted a 5 year follow up with children who were sleep trained and with child who weren't sleep trained and found no significant difference. Like at all. 🤷‍♀️ There's also this study that had similar findings.

You will lose your baby's trust. Your baby knows you and has hundreds of experiences with you to draw on. Responding differently to them at night does not negate all of that! 💕 Again, see studies linked above that show no difference in parental-child attachment.

You will teach your child not to cry when they need you. Umm really? My kids still cry for me when they need me! And I would say that families I work with report they are BETTER able to respond at night when their child needs them after sleep training. Parents know something is up and their child isn't just crying because they woke up. 😢

Sleep training=neglect. Nope, just nope. Unfortunately, naysayers compare sleep training to babies who grew up in Romanian orphanages and pretty much spent their entire day and night alone and in a crib. 🙄 Not comparable.

You're being selfish. Wrong! You have to take care of yourself too. That's not selfish. It's called filling your cup so you can pour into your child's life. 🥛

Your sleep expectations are unrealistic. Ok, I suppose this one could be true depending on how old your child is and what your expectations are... But it is not unreasonable to expect our children to learn to fall asleep on their own and eventually learn to connect sleep cycles. 💤

You can't be a responsive parent and sleep train. So, I guess I'm confused with this one. Does being a responsive parent mean meeting your child's wants OR your child's needs? Also, what's wrong with responding to your child DIFFERENTLY than usual? Is that not considered responsive? 🤔 We know that secure attachment has everything to do with being a warm, loving, and emotionally available parent and nothing to do with cosleeping, breastfeeding, and anti-sleep training ideologies. 

 

✨✨Let's encourage each other in our own unique decisions instead of criticizing. ✨✨

Check out my video on Instagram that pokes fun of these ridiculous claims.

If you take a look around my site, you will see lots of mentions of sleep props or sleep associations. You may be wondering, “What IS a sleep prop?”

A sleep prop (also known as a sleep association, crutch, or assist to sleep) can be anything that your baby depends on to fall asleep. All sleep props are not created equal either! Some are extremely helpful for your baby’s sleep while others tend to be less helpful.

First thing I want to mention is that no sleep prop is across-the-board bad. I prefer the terms helpful and unhelpful that I used above. The word bad leads parents to think they’ve done something wrong or that something they are currently doing is an issue. This is not always the case!

 

I cannot stress this enough

If you’re currently using any of the unhelpful props that I mention below but sleep is going just fine for your family, then no need to change it! This post is meant to help families who are struggling get to the root cause of their sleep issues, not to make other families worry unnecessarily! If it’s not broken, don’t fix it!

 

Here are some signs that you might be using an unhelpful sleep prop:

♥Short naps, rarely longer than 30-45 minutes unless you help them back to sleep

♥Frequent night wakings, typically every couple of hours but could even be one or two wakings per night in an older baby

♥Daytime crankiness

♥Fighting going to sleep

♥Often waking within an hour of falling asleep at bedtime and difficult to get back down

♥Trying to start their day early in the morning (before 6am)

♥Unpredictable daytime schedule 

 

So what can be considered an unhelpful sleep prop:

♥Nursing to sleep

♥Bottle feeding to sleep

♥Rocking to sleep

♥Holding to sleep

♥Laying with to fall asleep

♥Pacifier use (particularly if your baby cannot reinsert it themselves)

 

In and of themselves, these things aren’t inherently bad. But if you’re struggling with sleep, here’s what you need to understand. Your baby has the potential to wake up each and every sleep cycle throughout the night and during naps. That’s about every 40-50 minutes! So what your baby needs to fall asleep at bedtime, is exactly what they’ll need to fall back asleep at these wakings. 

 

You have to ask yourself, am I willing to continue offering this sleep prop all throughout the night or after each short little nap in order to get them back to sleep? If that doesn’t sound too enticing then that’s where sleep coaching comes into play!

The goal of sleep coaching is to teach your baby to fall asleep independently. This means that when your baby is laid down in the crib, they should still be awake! 

This is where the rule “drowsy but awake” comes into play. Personally, I prefer the phrase “awake and calm” because there can be some confusion about the word drowsy.

Every time you lay your baby down for sleep (naps and nighttime), ideally they would be awake and calm. Not asleep. Not drifting off. Fully awake.

They should also be calm and primed for sleep (i.e. proper timing, calming bedtime routine, ideal sleep environment). By doing this each and every time you lay your baby down, you are teaching them this important sleep skill, one that they will need to have for the rest of their life!

Using the awake and calm rule is so key that, if a newborn is taught good sleep habits and the awake and calm rule is used gradually from the very beginning, they might never have to go through any sleep coaching! How amazing would that be? I have an entire Newborn Sleep Course all about how to do this and it’s producing amazing results with my mamas!

Now that we’ve gone through all that info, let’s talk about helpful sleep props. These should be things that your child either has some control over or that are always available to them throughout the night/nap so that they aren’t disrupted when they briefly wake.

 

What is considered a helpful sleep prop?

♥White noise

♥Dark sleep environment

♥Sleep sack

♥Predictable bedtime routine

♥Lovey- if over 12 months of age

♥Pacifier if you little one can reinsert it themselves- although I still recommend getting rid of it sooner rather than later

 

These are all things that will aid your baby in getting the most restorative sleep possible, without causing unnecessary wakings or helplessness for them that you will need to attend to.

 

So how do you get rid of unhelpful sleep props?

If you’ve realized after reading this post that you have a big sleep prop issue and you’re ready to make the steps to resolve it, be sure to check out my different services. ⇓

⇒If you feel like you just need someone to tell you what changes to make and how, you may be interested in my Classic Consultation.

⇒If you know this will be a big transition for your family and you’d like my constant support and guidance along the way, my Ultimate Consultation is the way to go!

 

∗You can always Apply to Work with Me and we can talk through the best option for your unique situation.

I like to think of sleep as a giant puzzle.

In order to make positive sleep changes, we need to have ALL the puzzle pieces put together at the same time. You may have tried white noise, dark room, correct room temperature, calming bedtime routine, age-appropriate nap schedule, laying down awake and applying a sleep coaching method, BUT have you tried all of these pieces at the same time? If not, that is likely part of your problem. 

 

For instance, white noise is awesome! It absolutely helps babies (and adults!) sleep better. But, white noise alone will not suddenly make your baby a great sleeper if they are missing other pieces of the puzzle. It just doesn’t work that way. (Take 20% off my favorite white noise machines with code: allthesleeps20)

The most important piece of the sleep puzzle that you are probably missing, especially if you’ve tried “everything,” is CONSISTENCY. I cannot express to you, in words, how important consistency is when we are trying to change your child’s sleep habits, but I’m going to try anyways!

Have you heard of the term Intermittent Reinforcement? It might ring a bell from your days of high school psychology. In simple terms, intermittent reinforcement is when we give different responses to the same behavior. 

If you remember back to psych 101, we learned about rats in little boxes and there was a little lever in the box. Every time the rat pressed the lever, they got food! That is consistent reinforcement.

Now, intermittent reinforcement means that sometimes they pressed the lever and got food. Sometimes they pressed the lever and didn't get food. FYI: This is NOT a good way to change a behavior if that's what we want to do. The rats learned that sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. So guess what they did? They just kept pressing the lever!

When I hear parents say, “We’ve tried everything,” my first thought is, they may have tried everything but have they tried ANYTHING consistently? Or are they just hopping around from method to method, tip to tip, etc.

Maybe you've been here before. You attempted sleep training for 1 night, it was rough but you got through it. Then the second night came and you just couldn't follow through with it and you ended up giving in and nursing or rocking to sleep instead.

That is intermittent reinforcement and that is the reason why what you are trying isn’t working.

 

In conclusion, I want to say, if you’re guilty of not having all the puzzle pieces together or of using intermittent reinforcement, it’s not that nothing works, it’s that your approach needs some tweaking.

If you are in need of a clear plan, an accountability partner, guidance, troubleshooting, & confidence to stick it out, I am your girl! Working with families and helping them through this process is my jam!

Apply to work with me and see if we’d be a good fit!