Nighttime fears can make bedtime feel extra exhausting for both you and your child. If you’ve ever found yourself in a cycle of reassurance, endless negotiations, or last-minute sleep disruptions, you’re not alone. But the way you respond to these fears plays a huge role in how your child processes them.
If you hesitate, over-comfort, or try to "solve" the fear, your child learns that fear = something to be scared of.
If you stay calm, set limits, and respond consistently, your child learns that fear = something they can handle.
So, how do you respond in a way that builds confidence instead of reinforcing fear? Here’s what I DO (and DON’T do) when my child is scared at night:
✅ DO: Talk about fears—but during the day
Addressing fears in a safe and neutral environment helps your child process them without triggering an immediate fear response. Daytime discussions allow for problem-solving and reassurance without bedtime anxiety taking over.
❌ DON’T: Engage in long bedtime discussions. If your child brings up their fears at bedtime, keep your response short and reassuring. The goal is to reinforce that they are safe—not to make fears feel bigger by diving into long conversations when they’re already in a heightened emotional state.
✅ DO: Stay calm, confident, and reassuring
Your child takes cues from you. If you remain composed and treat their fear as no big deal, they’ll be more likely to believe you. Confidence is contagious! For help with being confident and consistent, check out my free download: 6 scripts to end bedtime stalling
❌ DON’T: Waver or hesitate when setting limits. If your child asks to sleep with you and you say, “Probably not,” they’ll keep pushing for a different answer. Be clear, be firm, and reinforce that they are safe in their own bed.
✅ DO: Offer comforting strategies they can rely on
Provide your child with practical, tangible tools to feel secure at night. Some great options include:
- A special stuffed animal for comfort
- Deep breathing techniques
- Flipping their pillow as a “reset” cue
❌ DON’T: Use monster spray. While well-intentioned, tools like "monster spray" imply that protection is needed—reinforcing that their fears are real rather than helping them build confidence.
✅ DO: Expose them to their room in safe ways
Give your child small moments of exposure to their sleep environment in a fun, low-pressure way. Try playing in their dark room during the day with flashlights to help normalize the space.
❌ DON’T: Expect the fear to disappear overnight. Like all sleep skills, confidence takes practice. Be patient, stay consistent, and remind yourself that small steps forward are still progress.
Remember...
When you respond with confidence and consistency, your child learns: I am safe, and I can handle this.
If your toddler is suddenly struggling with sleep—even after being a great sleeper—there’s help. My Toddler Sleep Reset is designed for parents of 2-5-year olds facing new bedtime battles, night wakings, or early mornings.
Want expert-backed sleep strategies to tackle nighttime fears and more? Let’s get you a plan that works. Get access to this workshop today!
