Separation anxiety can usually rear it's ugly head around 8 months. This is when your baby starts to have object permanence which means they're recognizing that when they can't see an object, it still exists. This new development can also make bedtime and naptime really tricky.
Your baby now fully understands that when you put her in her crib and leave the room, you still exist! And of course, she misses her best friend and wants her with her at all times! We also see a surge of separation anxiety around 18 months as well.
Below are some of my tips for easing that separation anxiety and keeping your child's sleep intact as much as possible through this period.
1. Practice makes perfect
If you're a stay at home parent and constantly with your child, give them some practice away from you. Use grandma, your partner, a babysitter, anyone you trust and get some time away from your baby so that they can grow comfortable and relaxed, even when you aren't around.
We want them to feel comfortable with people besides just Mom or Dad.
This is something that you can practice as early on as you'd like. You don't necessarily have to wait for your child to hit some separation anxiety before you start leaving them for brief periods of time.
2. Don't sneak away
Avoid sneaking away because it can actually make things worse. Your child will learn that they can't look away from you lest you sneak out. Or they become afraid of falling asleep because they know you'll leave.
If you are dropping them at daycare or in the church nursery, don't sneak away. Same thing at night too! Make sure you're leaving the room while they are still awake.
By doing this consistently, you are showing them that you always come back in the morning and that there's nothing they need to be afraid of. They will grow comfortable with this revelation when given the chance.
Not sure how to lay your child down awake and have them actually fall asleep? Check out my 1:1 Services that I offer to work towards independent sleep.
3. Consistent routines=Safe and comfortable
If you start noticing your child exhibiting separation anxiety at bedtime, don't change things up. Keep your routines and patterns consistent. That consistency causes them to feel safe because they know what to expect.
When we change up routines, we can potentially perpetuate that anxiety by making them confused about what to expect each night. Don't start anything that you don't plan to continue long term. (Unsure if you have a good bedtime routine, check out this post to craft the perfect bedtime routine)
Now, they may not like what they've grown to expect, but that doesn't mean we are going to sacrifice sleep. What I mean by that is, if your child is used to you laying them in their crib awake and then leaving, they may not be a huge fan of that once they experience separation anxiety.
However, like many other facets of parenting, we don't base our actions around what our child merely wants, we base them off of what they need. And sleep- good, restorative, uninterrupted sleep- is a basic human need. Which leads me to my last tip...
4. Put things in perspective
I know, those crocodile tears are not fun to deal with, are they? But the best thing we can do, especially when it comes to separation anxiety and sleep is to keep things in perspective. To do this, it's easier if we think about our thought process in an area outside of sleep.
If you were dropping your child off at daycare and they started to experience separation anxiety, would you take several days off of work until it resolves itself? No!
If you and your partner were headed out on a date night and leaving your baby with the in-laws, would you cancel your plans simply because your child got upset that you were leaving? I hope not!
You are going to lovingly push your child through it. You know you are leaving them in a place where they are safe and taken well care of. Obviously you trust your daycare providers, in-laws, babysitters, etc. or you wouldn't use them!
It's the same thing at night. We don't want to drop everything just because of separation anxiety. We don't want to say "Ok, I'm going to stay in the room with you until this phase passes."
Know that you've already taught your child to fall asleep on their own. They are capable of this. They're in a safe place and you're lovingly pushing them through this bout of separation anxiety.