Troubleshooting bedtime routine issues

Episode 5: Troubleshooting Bedtime Routine Issues

Troubleshooting bedtime routine issues Hey guys, welcome back to the sleep talking moms podcast, we are here today, and we are going to be talking about common bedtime routine issues. But first, Kayla's here with me, and I think we need to share another Kayla- Carianna story, what do you think Kayla. I think that that would be great. Okay, so I'm going to share that I feel like this story might make us sound a little crazy, but we're just gonna go with it. Yeah, and we might be, we might be. So, Kayla was going on a first date and I believe, was this a blind date that your mom set up.
Yes, so this was a blind date that my mom set up by meeting. She was at a restaurant and saw this kid, and thought that he was really cute. And so she proceeded to go up to his table, tell him about me and get his number. and they like, set up a blind date without me there. Oh my. So it starts off really good. I was like holding back my laughter because I knew if I let myself laugh it would be way too loud. This is totally like your mom, this is just kind of what your mom's like right she's classic. As always looking out for her daughters, above all else. So, this was like we were college age and I was actually dating my husband at the time, and he never you engage. Oh, well I don't know it. I don't know, could be either. I'm not sure we were together, and I don't know if it was your idea, or my it was your idea it was not. Definitely my idea. Yeah, I don't think he would just do that. I don't think that you would come up with that I think that obviously you would go along with it. But yeah, it was definitely my idea. Okay, so it was Caitlin's idea, and my mom had always had this like really gross, black wig, like a, like, black long hair and it was like all layered like lots of long layers, it was like framing face framing, if I remember correctly, yeah like maybe 60/70s type hairstyle that's probably when she got it. And I had always like, played with it for dress up or things. Well, we decided that I would wear that hat because this guy that she was going on a date with I had gone to high school, like we had all gone to high school together. We weren't the same age. No, he was a year younger I had no idea that I actually like knew who he was until I until I said his name and you were like oh my gosh Kayla he went to high school with us and she like showed me in the yearbook before I even got to the place where we were eating, so I wore the wig so that he wouldn't recognize me because I knew that he would have known that, you know, we were joined at the hip, that we were best friends so I wear the wig, he wouldn't have known Derek because Derek didn't go to our high school, and we went on the date with them and sat at a table, you know, across, across yeah across the room and just kind of stopped them and watch them until my day, found out that it was you guys he asked, Hey, is that Karianna like oh my gosh yeah that looks like her. Pretending like I had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you were there in a wig, like you didn't even have to be there no way you could have just naturally been at this restaurant. We did not think this through. Troubleshooting bedtime routine issues We didn't think it through, but it was really fun, and I guess makes a really good story, it does. And, you know, in case you're wondering, she never went on any more dates with him, so no no it's not a love connection. So there's your, there's your Kayla Carianna story. I hope you don't think less of us. Now that you've heard that. But moving on to talk about some common bedtime routine issues so lots of things with bedtime routines, and also at the time that you're, if you're listening to this as it's coming out, gonna be talking about bedtime routines, this week as well so stay tuned on Instagram for more info. But one of the main issues I see is parental preference at bedtime, so maybe only one parent can put the child down, and if the other parent tries the child either can't fall asleep has a meltdown etc. Kayla, have you guys experienced any parental preference, with bedtime.
This is one of those where we have been lucky to not deal with that. Sorry for any of you that are and are like, oh cool, good for you. Um, this is one of the things that we were lucky enough to not deal with. However, for us and the way that we do things like it's always been both of us doing the bedtime routine with both of the children, and then I'm always doing the NAPS because I'm a stay at home mom, So there wasn't really any room for negotiation there. Yeah, we were very much the same way I mean when I had my first son, I was working split shifts so I was gone, probably half the bedtimes anyway so you know Ethan, my oldest just kind of had to learn to go with the flow and get used to both or either of us putting him down and, and I do think, you know, if you're listening to this with a really really young one, start that as early as you can, where you have both parents involved in the process where you even trade off nights, so that you do you have that freedom and your child is to use to one parent or the other, putting them down. I think that that sets the stage from the beginning for that. Yes, but if you were not able to start that at an early age for whatever reason. What can you do. Yes, so this one is a lot is going to depend on your child's age, you know, the older they are, it's often the older they are the more that they have really big feelings and emotions, and they're able to say like no I want, I want this parent to do it or no I want this parent to do it. And so a lot of times with that toddler preschooler age, it kind of becomes, you know, a power struggle and then parents kind of give in a little on that boundary, and then before you know it, the child is demanding one parent every night and it just kind of snowballs so with an older child, it's always good to just validate their feelings, I know you like it when Mom puts you down for bed, I know you're sad, she can't do it. Troubleshooting bedtime routine issues But then, hold that boundary you can hold it and be loving. But tonight, it's my night to put you down, so we're gonna go do your routine can you show me what the first thing is that we do. So, valid, eight, how they're feeling. Hold the boundary, and then try to kind of redirect them toward the routine. Yeah and then give them the power and the independence in the areas that you can what book. What book do you want to read, so that they still feel like they are somewhat in control. Yes, absolutely offering those like two choices, you know, and make sure that the choices you're offering are choices that you're comfortable with. So, these pajamas or these pajamas, not. Do you want to put your diaper on as like an open ended question right do we want to step into your pull up or do you want me to help you. Those things can really help them feel in control, about a different piece, that's a great point Kayla, and you know, with the younger ones. A lot of times when I see parental preference, with, you may be bait the baby stage, it's more centered around one particular parent, helps them to sleep in a very specific way. As an example, you know, this is what I see a lot, not the only example but if a child, nurses to fall asleep, then they're one mom that nurses, then, is the only one that can do that right so that's where that preference can really come in, and that's okay. If you're comfortable with that, but if you're feeling like you don't want to be the only person that can get them down, that's when it's a good time to either introduce other ways to put them to sleep or work on that independent sleep piece where they can put themselves to sleep. another common bedtime routine issue that I see. And I will have a disclaimer here, this is not an issue for everyone kind of like we just talked about with the nursing to sleep. But if you are struggling with bedtime and feeding sleep, that can be kind of a big, big red flag for me. Because if your child is only used to falling asleep with a feed, that means any time they have one of their normal night wakings, they're probably also going to feel like they need a feed to fall asleep, even if that hunger isn't there. So typically with the are really little ones, it can be helpful from day one, almost to establish an eat, play sleep routine. So basically, we try to feed them when they wake up in the morning when they wake up from a nap. So that that feeding is not drifting closer to when they fall asleep. So that the two aren't intermingling there. And that can also be really helpful to make sure that they are getting a full feeding as well. So they're not drifting off partway during their feed. If you have an older child, and you're kind of already doing the feeding to sleep, you're kind of out of those newborn days, what can be helpful is either to slowly shift that feeding earlier in your routine until it's kind of the first thing or a lot of times, what I will do with my clients is, when we start on night one, we just start with a brand new routine, instead of gradually changing it over a series of days. And we just do feeding first and then the rest of the routine, so that there's a very clear separation there. And you know, apart from the sleep association that we've been talking about, where if a child feels like they need to fall they need to eat in order to fall asleep. As they get older. If this is a pattern that stays in place, it also can become an issue with teeth, right. Troubleshooting bedtime routine issues So if eating is the last thing that your child does, if that's how they fall asleep, then we're not having the chance to get in there and brush their teeth before they're sleeping for their, you know, eight 910 1112 hours. And that means that that is just sitting there on their teeth, which which can be a really big long term problem. Another common bedtime issue I see. And this one may be a little controversial. And I know, myself and Kayla have not always followed this one either. So I think it is very family and child dependent. But if you are struggling with sleep, having screens right before bed can be really disruptive. And the kind of best practice is having one to two hours of screen free time before bed. Basically, you know, screens are going to emit that blue light which signals directly to your child's brain that it's daytime. This is part of the reason why us as adults, we all struggle with sleep more than we did before you know cell phones were invented. And before we were on screens every night before bed, it just puts off that melatonin production makes it harder for us to fall asleep and that same thing can happen with your child as well. Kayla, what is your family's kind of philosophy with screens before bed? What do you guys do what works for you? We actually do screens before bed it has not that is one of the things once again I sound like I'm just like my kids have no issues. But trust me, trust me my kids have issues but we we do screens before bed we actually like into the night as I don't know how to explain it but like in the living room. I say Okay, one more song. We're still like, because I'm so little we're still doing like Nursery Rhymes Coco melon. Everybody knows actually. Oh, no Cocomelon. I mean, I've heard of Coco melon. never watched it. Well, you're very lucky. They get stuck in your head. But we always do like one last song. And then we make our way upstairs and do our typical routine which is a book for each boy. ls comes with us to take it down for sleep. I goes to bed we put them in his crib. We say night and then Ellis Is his night routine So we do screens before bed and it just hasn't been. Yes. And I agree wholeheartedly if it's not an issue, it's not an issue, right? We had a period of time where we would do screens before we went up to do our routine. So you know, about 2030 minutes before bed, which is obviously not what I recommend. Troubleshooting bedtime routine issues But we weren't struggling either. And then we did. When did you start? When did you start struggling? Oh, I don't remember honestly, probably sometime around when COVID hit last year, it started being a struggle. And it wasn't, it wasn't that they were struggling to fall asleep at night. That's not where I noticed it, although I was really keeping my eye on that, to make sure the time it took them to fall asleep wasn't getting longer and longer because of the screen use. But it was causing a lot of meltdowns, when we would have to turn the screen off and go to our routine. And it was just putting a bad vibe over the whole routine. Yeah, so we just said, if you're someone who's currently using screens before bed, and you're like, Oh, yeah, maybe this is part of the problem. I would recommend offering that same chunk of time earlier in the day, whether it's earlier in the evening, earlier in the afternoon, morning. And just be really clear with your child that we are going to do this now instead of at bedtime. So give them plenty of warning about the change. Know that when bedtime does roll around, they're still probably going to be like wait, but I always do this. And you can remind them we did it earlier. Troubleshooting bedtime routine issues There may be tears and meltdowns. Right. But as parents, we're not walking on eggshells our whole life to avoid meltdowns were supporting through them holding those boundaries. But it is possible if you have screens before bedtime to move them earlier if it's an issue. So I just want to give you some hope in that as well if you feel like you need to make that change. So thank you guys for joining us while we talked through some common bedtime routine issues and I just want to remind you be following along on Instagram or Facebook wherever you follow along because this week we will be talking all about bedtime routine stuff. So there will be lots more info there and I hope to see you thank you guys have a great week. Thank you so much for listening to the sleep talking moms podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a second to rate and review. Each review helps more tired and overwhelmed moms find simple and practical advice. See you back here soon. Yeah I will see you next week. Troubleshooting bedtime routine issues

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Episode 5: Troubleshooting Bedtime Routine Issues