I get this dreaded question on a weekly basis from my followers. I know the fear it can strike in the hearts of mothers when their toddler suddenly stops napping. It causes us to go into catastrophe mode and worry that they will never ever nap again! But, I’m here to bring some calm, reason, and helpful tips to you. Most likely your toddler is NOT done napping- seriously. So don’t freak out, and let’s talk through some basics like: when you can expect your toddler to stop napping for good, what causes nap refusals, how to get your toddler back to napping, and (worse case scenario) what to do if the nap is gone for good.

 

What age do children stop napping?

Every child is different, of course- but I typically find that a majority of children will stop napping between 3-5 years of age. This is a wide range but here’s where you get to use your experience as your child’s parent to help you fine tune this range. If your child has typically had low sleep needs, then it’s likely they will drop their nap on the early side of this range- around 3 years. If your child has typically had high sleep needs, then you can expect them to drop their nap closer to 5 years. If your child has seemed pretty average and follows typical wake windows and sleep schedules, then they will probably fall smack dab in the center around 4 years.

 

Now, what do I mean by low and high sleep needs? If your child has lower sleep needs, then they get less sleep in a 24 hour period than their peers. However, and this is a BIG point, they still seem well-rested and they are getting plenty of sleep for their body. This is such a big point because I often talk to families who think they have a low sleep needs child but the child is clearly not getting enough sleep. They are tired, cranky, wake up in a bad mood constantly, and simply don’t know how to get the sleep their body needs. 

 

These are usually families who have not worked on healthy sleep habits and therefore their child is constantly fighting sleep not because they don’t need it, but because they’ve been conditioned to fight sleep over the months and years. Keep this in mind as you try to assess whether your child is really done napping or not.

 

What causes nap refusal?

Nap resistance and refusal can come about for all kinds of different reasons. 

• Sometimes it’s directly related to the arrival (or impending arrival) of a new sibling. This can be a big change for your toddler and is likely to throw off sleep for a time as they adjust. 
• Sometimes it’s connected to the crib to bed transition. This transition can be a doozy for many families and the challenges it presents can bleed over into nap time. Read more about handling this transition here.
• Sometimes it’s simply par for the course with toddlers. Toddlers are learning to be independent, they are learning that they can “No,” and they are constantly testing boundaries. Resistance at nap time is no exception to this. Check out more about Toddler Sleep and Why It Sucks if this sounds familiar.
• Sometimes a schedule tweak is overdue and by making small changes to the sleep schedule, the resistance will dissipate. At this age, it’s important to anchor the nap at a specific time each day. Right around 1pm is good for most little ones between 2-5 years. If your child tends to sleep in past 7am in the morning, you may need to shift nap time later than 1pm.

 

How do I get my toddler to keep napping?

The biggest piece of advice I want to offer here is CONSISTENCY. Without it, you will continue to have sleep issues. Consistency is so incredibly important for our testing toddlers and preschoolers. 

 

This means that nap time is still offered every single day- regardless of whether your toddler naps or not. Many parents get tripped up by thinking they need to “make” their toddler nap. But that thinking gets us into trouble. You can’t “make” your toddler nap anymore than you can make them like the pink cup or use an inside voice. You cannot control when your toddler falls asleep, how long it takes them to fall asleep, or how long they sleep. What you CAN control are the boundaries you create around sleep time, their sleep environment, the timing of sleep, and the consistency with which you offer all these things.

 

When your child resists their nap, simply continue to offer their nap time each and every day. Give them warnings about impending nap time, do your nap time routine, narrate and validate their big feelings about not wanting to nap, and hold the boundary. They don’t have to sleep during nap time. In fact, I encourage families not to say, “Go to sleep. You need to sleep now.” and instead just tell your little one, “It’s okay if you’re not tired, just rest your body.”

 

Have a set amount of time (I recommend 45 minutes minimum) that you keep your child in their crib or room during nap time and if they aren’t asleep when that time is up, then you can get them up and go on with your day. Don’t focus on the fact that they didn’t nap. Instead say something like, “Good job resting your body. I know it’s hard to do sometimes. Now that nap time is over, let’s play.”

 

By doing these things, you are keeping the framework of nap time in place so that when their brain is done resisting and when their body needs the sleep, they will be able to settle and fall asleep for nap time again!

 

What do I do while I wait for my toddler to start napping again?

This may take a couple days or a couple weeks for your toddler to start napping again. That’s okay. This is a normal part of toddlerhood. Even once they start napping again, you may have days here and there where they stay awake the whole nap time.

 

On the days where your toddler doesn’t nap, you’ll want to offer bedtime earlier than usual. This is to help them “make up” for the lost nap sleep and keep them from becoming overtired. A good general rule of thumb is to allow 12 hours of overnight sleep for a toddler or preschooler who skips their nap. That means if your toddler typically wakes up at 6:30am, you will want to put bedtime at 6:30pm in order to allow their body the chance to get the rest they need.

 

What if the nap is gone forever? 

In some cases, your child will be done napping forever. And I know that can be a really hard pill to swallow. However, just because your child no longer needs a midday nap, that doesn’t mean your child no longer needs a midday rest. I strongly encourage parents to offer a daily quiet time (screen-free) once the nap is gone. This gives the child a chance to rest and practice independent play and it gives parents a time to decompress and rest too. I wrote more extensively here about developing a quiet time.

 

I know this can be an incredibly challenging time in toddlerhood but try to remain calm and patient. Whatever comes, with the right attitude and follow through, you'll get through this! Take this tidbit with you as you go: You can do hard things & so can your child!