I get soooo many inquiries and questions about toddler sleep! At the same time, I notice a very prevalent attitude of resignation when it comes to toddler sleep. I want to help with that!!
Toddler sleep can be tricky and whether you’ve had a great little sleeper for the last year or so and now sleep is starting to fall apart OR if you’ve just never gotten into a good sleep rhythm, that’s okay! I promise, there is hope for your little one!
Let’s first talk about who is considered a ‘toddler.’ Technically, the toddler age is 12-36 months. For the purposes of this blog, I’m going to focus more on 15-36 months.
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Reason #1 why toddler sleep sucks: 2 ⇒ 1 nap transition
I find a lot of our sleep issues crop up right around that transition from 2 to 1 nap, which takes place between 15 and 18 months of age. The point of this blog isn’t to go over this nap transition specifically, but I do want to give you some pointers about this transition:
✩Hitting 15 months does not mean that you HAVE to transition. If sleep is going fine, then don’t rush it.
✩You’ll start by pushing nap 1 later and later.
✩Once nap 1 is ending late enough, that’s when you’ll cut out the second nap completely.
✩Again, bedtime will be on the later end right before the transition and then jump to early right after the transition. This gives them the chance to make up for the lost nap and to recover from the longer wake windows
For more help with this transition, check out my Nap Transition Guide where I walk you step by step through each nap transition!
Reason #2 why toddler sleep sucks: 18-24 month sleep regression
Now, technically there is a regression at 18 months and another one at 24 months BUT I think it can feel like the regressions last the whole 6 months in between, especially when said regressions aren’t handled the best and we start reinforcing these sleep issues….
The 18 month regression is typically contributed to by separation anxiety, an explosion of language development, walking, first year molars, and your toddler learning they can say, “No.”
The 24 month regression is typically contributed to by nighttime fears cropping up. FOMO, boundary testing, nap refusals, climbing, potty training, second year molars, and a too early crib to bed transition.
Reason #3 why toddler sleep sucks: Teething
Those back molars come in during the toddler phase and they can cause some upset during this time. But it’s important not to let teething derail your good sleep progress!
Remember, during teething, the pain/discomfort should really only last 1-3 days as the tooth comes through. It shouldn’t be the cause of weeks of sleep disruption. Also, teething isn’t uncomfortable enough to wake your toddler up. It may mean that it’s a little harder for them to fall back asleep when they naturally have wakings but it’s not waking them up.
If you worry they are in pain, quietly go into their room when they wake, offer your pediatrician’s recommended dosage of pain relief, and then leave again. Avoid over helping at these times because it might come back to bite you both in the future.
Reason #4 why toddler sleep sucks: Language development
Did you know your toddler’s language explodes right around 18 months? Your baby goes from saying only a few words at 1 year to knowing 1,000-2,000 words at 3 years! That’s a LOT of learning and development and you better believe it affects sleep!
One way it can affect sleep is that your toddler just wants to lay in their crib and chatter away instead of sleep! This is an area where we have to just let it go. You obviously can’t control whether or not your toddler sleeps when in their crib but you can control the consistency with which you put them to bed each and every day.
Reason #5 why toddler sleep sucks: Separation anxiety
I’m not going to go super in depth about separation anxiety because I actually have another post, Tips for Handling Separation Anxiety Without Compromising Sleep, that you should check out.
But I will say that separation is a completely normal part of your toddler’s development (however un-fun it may be) and that when it comes to sleep, we want to keep everything as consistent as possible. Toddlers thrive under routine and an ever changing bedtime routine is only going to make the problem persistent and long-term rather than short-term and acute.
Reason #6 why toddler sleep sucks: Potty training
I see the need to night time potty train affect sleep as well. Again, I’ve written a more detailed blog about this exact topic of potty training, but here are some quick takeaways:
- Day time potty training and nighttime potty training do NOT need to happen at the same time.
- Night time potty training should be held off until your child is consistently waking up dry in the morning
- The transition from crib to bed should not revolve around the decision to potty train, which leads to my next toddler sleep issue...
Reason #7 why toddler sleep sucks: Crib to bed transition
Ahhh! This one is my pet peeve. Sorry guys. I always, always, ALWAYS recommend you wait as long as you can to make this transition. You may think I’m crazy BUT I will tell you that a majority of the toddler and preschooler clients I help, need help in the first place because they made the transition too soon. Can’t argue with the facts, folks!
If you want more specifics about keeping your toddler in their crib, see this post with my crib hacks.
If you are ready to make the transition but need some more guidance, check out my Crib To Bed Transition Guide.
Here’s my brief takeaway about the crib to bed transition:
Your toddler cannot understand the invisible boundaries of a bed. With a crib, there are physical bars keeping them in, but with a bed, we are expecting them to understand something they cannot see. Transitioning them too early is just setting them up for failure.
If you must transition them early, make sure you are prepared with a visible boundary (baby gate or door) so that their brain can make the connection it needs to.
Reason #8 why toddler sleep sucks: Nap strikes
Even the best little sleepers can go through nap strikes. I see this most around the age of 2 but it can honestly happen anytime during toddlerhood. But here’s the deal, when it comes to toddlers, naptime is not optional.
Naptime should happen everyday, regardless of whether or not they actually sleep. We need to keep the framework in place so that when their nap strike is over, they can seamlessly fall back into naps.
Don’t give up on napping and don’t cut it short. If you reach the end of nap time and your toddler has yet to nap, be sure to offer an early bedtime so that they aren’t a wreck that night.
Reason #9 why toddler sleep sucks: FOMO
Fear of missing out. Your toddler can totally understand now that just because they go to bed, it doesn’t mean that everyone else is going to bed. Understandably, they don’t want to miss out on all the fun!
This can cause those nap refusal and bedtime battles. Unfortunately, there’s not much we can do on this front. Your toddler still needs a nap, even if they don’t want to take one (and they’ll need one until at least 3 years so don’t give it up too soon!). Your toddler still needs an earlier bedtime than Mom and Dad, even though they will likely protest this. These pieces play into our next issue and I’ll talk about what you can do more...
Reason #10 why toddler sleep sucks: Limit testing
Your toddler is good at testing boundaries. And they should be! Boundary testing is an important part of their learning and development! But as parents, our job is to hold the important boundaries firm so that your child can figure out what you expect of them. This is a great article about testing limits by Janet Lansbury, parenting expert.
Think of it this way (and I apologize, this is a really weird analogy but go with it): Imagine you find yourself inside this big bubble. You push on the bubble walls with your hands and notice they stretch and move when you push them. You continue to push and push, seeing how flexible the walls really are. It’s not until the walls stop moving and you’ve reached their limit do you stop pushing, right? You figure, there’s no point in continuing to push the walls because they’re not going to move anymore.
That’s exactly how your toddler views limits. They will keep pushing and pushing until they understand exactly where that limit is. And they can’t know where the limit is if we, as parents, don’t show them. In Janet Lansbury’s article, she explains that they can get stuck in testing mode if we aren’t making our limits clear.
This, I believe, is the main reason why toddler sleep can get so out of hand.
We give a little here, we give a little there, and before we know it, our toddler is testing every single limit that we have around sleep. In the end we feel like we are constantly fighting them so we just give up and find ourselves in a sleep situation that we never wanted to be in:
- Laying with your toddler until they fall asleep
- Letting your toddler dictate when bedtime is
- Bringing your toddler into your bed
- Allowing 5am to become your new wake up time
- Letting your toddler quit napping
- And the list goes on...
Wowza! We covered a LOT but if you’re still reading, I’m guessing it’s because you are in the trenches of toddler sleep. I hope this was helpful in pointing out the why and what you can do moving forward.
Got a toddler who already struggles with early waking? Check out these 2 toddler clocks I recommend:
The Kidstible Toddler Lamp- This sleep trainer lamp is designed that a battery and gradually fills up as the night goes on. When it's wake up time the battery is fully charged- just like your child! To read more about my personal review of this product (I own 3 and use each one in my home) check out 5 reasons I love this toddler sleep trainer lamp.
The Mella toddler clock- This sleep trainer clocks alerts your child with a green light when they can wake up and start their day. Take 10% off your purchase with my code: allthesleeps10
