As parents, we often feel an instinctive need to intervene when we hear our child cry. It’s almost like a reflex—our hearts race, and we leap into action, ready to put out what we perceive as a fire. But what if I told you that crying isn’t a fire that needs to be extinguished immediately? Instead, what if crying is simply a form of communication from our little ones, expressing needs and emotions that require our support rather than a quick fix?
The nature of crying
Crying is a natural and important part of childhood. It serves as one of the primary ways our babies and toddlers communicate their feelings, needs, and discomforts. When we treat crying like a crisis, we risk missing out on valuable opportunities to connect with our children and understand their emotional landscape.
It’s understandable why crying can be so unsettling. As parents, we instinctively want to protect our children from discomfort, which can lead to the knee-jerk reaction to immediately intervene. However, this response can unintentionally convey to our children that their feelings are not valid or that they need to be "fixed." Done repeatedly over the years it can also keep our children from having to feel and work through discomfort in life and lose valuable practice at coping with uncomfortable situations and feelings.
Reframing our perspective
One of the most significant hurdles parents face when working to improve their child’s sleep is the fear of crying. Many parents hesitate to pursue sleep training or changes in bedtime routines because they dread the tears that may accompany those changes. But here's the truth: crying does not always signify a problem that needs to be solved.
In fact, learning to embrace crying as a natural part of development can help us approach parenting—and sleep challenges—with a fresh perspective. Just because I'm a sleep consultant does not mean I enjoy making children cry! My goal is to help parents navigate these emotional moments with understanding and compassion.
By reframing our view of crying, we can start to see it as a normal emotional expression rather than a disaster. Instead of feeling the pressure to “fix” the situation right away, we can approach our children with empathy, recognizing that sometimes they just need our support as they navigate their emotions.
Support through the tears
When a child cries, it can be a moment to pause and reflect. Ask yourself what your child might be trying to communicate. Are they tired? Overstimulated? Seeking comfort? Are they simply upset because they are struggling with this new and hard thing? By tuning in to what they might be saying, we can better support them in the moment.
Instead of rushing to soothe the tears away, consider offering comfort without trying to eliminate the crying (or the problem). You might sit with them, provide gentle reassurance, or simply hold their hand. This approach not only helps validate their feelings but also teaches them that it’s okay to experience and express emotions, even when they’re difficult.
Embracing the journey
As parents, we have the incredible opportunity to guide our children through their emotional experiences. Embracing crying as a natural part of life—rather than a fire that needs to be put out—can lead to healthier emotional development for our little ones.
This shift in mindset can be especially beneficial during sleep challenges. Instead of viewing crying as a signal of failure, we can see it as part of the learning process. When we allow our children to express themselves, we foster resilience and emotional intelligence that will serve them well throughout their lives.
Finding balance in parenting
Reflecting on my parenting journey, I wish I had known these tools earlier. Embracing the reality that crying is not a fire to be extinguished, but a natural part of emotional development, has profoundly changed how I approach parenting and sleep.
So, the next time you hear your child cry, take a moment to breathe. Instead of rushing to stop the tears, consider how you can support them through this emotional moment. It might not always be easy, but together, we can learn to navigate the complexities of parenting and embrace the beauty of our children’s emotional experiences.
Want to work more on your relationship with tears?
Check out my 3 Day Free Crying Challenge here and be sure to check out my other blog post (and YouTube video) about crying here. If you are ready to work with a professional to help you make sustainable sleep changes for your little one... Here is a link to my scheduler so we can talk through your situation and see if we'd make a good fit to work together!